Broken Things
by midnightbluefox
Summary: Modern AU. Rey loves everything about her new apartment; everything except her neighbor who keeps her awake at night with his nightmares, lonely and plagued by his demons. She knows she doesn't have room in her life to fix another broken thing but how can she resist? Especially when there's an undeniable tension between them, something neither of them ever expected.
1. Chapter 1

_**Thanks for taking the time to check out my story! Just as a disclaimer, I do not own Star Wars, I'm simply borrowing the characters. Comment, critiques and reviews always welcome!**_

Rey had been ecstatic to finally move into an apartment that wasn't a complete dump. Sure, it might be small and the carpet wasn't the most flattering shade of brown but it had reliable running water, a fridge that actually worked and no lingering smell of cigarettes and cat pee.

It should have been perfect and for the most part, it was. Except for one thing.

Her neighbor.

She'd only been moved in a few days so she'd hardly even see the guy. Just enough to see that he was huge, like towering over her huge, and dark haired. He didn't say anything, wasn't rude, probably a decent guy.

But holy hell, he would not let her sleep.

It quickly became apparent that his bed shared the same wall as hers, and as she laid in the dark at night in her small bedroom, she could hear every creaking toss and turn, every groan and gasp before he jolted awake and proceeded to pace around his room violently.

Tonight was no exception.

Rey huffed into her pillow as her neighbor let out a deep, pained sounding groan that seeped through the wall. The first night, she had been mortified, thinking he had someone over or was indulging in some quality alone time. But it quickly became clear that this poor guy had some _wretched_ nightmares.

She had seen this before, staying in foster homes with other kids in the system. The ones who hardly smiled anymore and didn't want to sleep, to see the things they'd had to endure every night in their dreams. One kid used to wake up every night screaming bloody murder and scratching at an invisible assailant.

For the last two nights, Rey had been woken up by the sound of her neighbor being torn from his sleep by his personal demons. Being kept awake night after night was horrible but it was almost worse that she had to listen to something so intimate.

On the other side of the wall, he gasped sharply, followed by the distinct creak that she always imagined was him sitting up in bed.

For the tenth time, she considered getting earplugs. But after being in the foster system, you learned to sleep with one eye open. She knew that if she cut off her sound, she'd lay awake all night, too anxious to go to sleep.

Muffled cursing floated through the wall as her neighbor started pacing back and forth, from what she imagined was one end of his room to the next, the floor creaking as he went.

Rey glanced at her clock. 3:12 in the morning.

The thing was, she had a problem with caring too much and she knew it. She couldn't walk by a stray without petting it and battling with herself about bringing it home. She always carried a granola bar or water bottle in her bag on the way to work in case she encountered a homeless person.

She just wanted to patch up the broken things in the world, having seen too many already.

And this neighbor of hers… her heart ached for him. She didn't know a single thing about him except that something fucked him up badly enough he had nightmares every night. That she'd never heard another person in his apartment, no friends or family.

She knew how bitter loneliness could taste.

There was a crash and the tinkling sound of breaking glass, startling Rey. That was new. Had he broken something?

She was out of bed before she could stop herself, striding through her apartment and to the door. She'd heard a suspicious noise and wanted to make sure everything was fine, that was a good reason to knock on someone's door at three in the morning, right?

She slowed down as she entered the hallway, leaving her door ajar. What was she doing? He neighbor was a grown man and didn't need a stranger pestering him. What would she even say? Hi, I can hear you sleeping, sounds pretty rough, wanna talk about it?

Rey shook her head as she approached his door. She knew it was crazy but she just needed to see his face, to make sure he was okay. Her conscience wouldn't let her listen to someone suffering night after night and not _try_.

She reached out and knocked firmly on his door before she could stop herself. The next few seconds seemed to stretch on forever until the click of his lock turning broke the silence.

He opened the door and for a second, Rey was shocked.

Her neighbor was attractive. A strong nose, a full mouth that no man should be allowed to have, dark eyes that screamed intensity. His messy hair was sinfully soft looking, falling over his forehead. And holy hell, he was huge. She hadn't stood this close to him yet but he was bigger than she'd thought, his black shirt stretched across a broad chest.

Rey suddenly felt ridiculous standing at his door, in a giant sleep shirt and shorts, barefoot. And he was staring at her like she was crazy.

Oh right, she should probably say something.

"Uh hi," she said awkwardly. This was such a mistake, oh god, what was she even doing? What had possessed her to think this was a good idea? "I'm your new neighbor." She gestured over to her door but he didn't even look at where she pointed, his gaze locked on her.

She swallowed, throat dry. "I heard a crash, like something breaking maybe, I'm not sure. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Like, that you hadn't hurt yourself or a murderer hadn't broken in..." She trailed off.

He looked beyond unimpressed with her. His gaze flicked over her, from her pink painted toenails to the messy bun sliding off the side of her head.

"Everything's fine," he said, his voice deep and rough with sleep. Or probably lack of sleep in his case. He started to close the door.

"Wait," Rey blurted out, so surprised that he was just going to close the door in her face. That's not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to apologize for making noise then spill his life story so she could comfort him and offer a cup of tea or something. "Are you sure? That everything's okay, I mean? I heard some noises and I thought-"

"Do you always eavesdrop on your neighbors?" He asked, cutting her off.

"What?" she spluttered. "No- I- what? I wasn't- the walls are really thin!"

He cocked an eyebrow. "That sounds like an issue for the landlord." Then he promptly shut to door in her face, lock clicking loudly.

Red hot anger boiled in her stomach. How dare he act like she had done something wrong?

"I was just trying to be nice, buddy!" she hollered, not caring that it was three in the morning. "Excuse me for trying to have a little decency! I hope a murderer is breaking in next time!"

With that, she stomped back to her apartment and slammed the door shut. Anger gave way to mortification as she threw herself on her couch. What was wrong with her? How could she have possibly thought that was a good idea?

And where did he got off acting all superior and sneering down his nose at her? What a prick.

She grumbled to herself, grabbing a blanket off the back of her couch and laying down. No way was she going back to her room and listening to him. Bastard.

…..

"And then, he just slammed the door in my face," Rey ranted, waving her arms around, nearly knocking over a tower of cups. "Very rudely."

Poe leaned against the counter looking amused. She'd come into work this morning, exhausted and grumpy, sore from the few hours on the couch she'd rolled around, not able to sleep. She'd spent the first hour swearing at the thought of her neighbor between handing out coffee to customers until Poe finally asked her what was wrong.

She'd told him what had happened, leaving out the fact that he woke her up every night with his nightmares. He might be an asshole but she would respect his privacy.

"So you thought it was a good idea to go over to a strange man's apartment in the middle of the night, a man who you knew could easily overpower you?" Poe asked, glancing around the cafe to make sure no customers were waiting.

"Well… I mean, I hadn't really thought about that," Rey admitted.

Poe groaned. "Rey, you need to be careful. You're too trusting. One day, it's going to get you in trouble."

"I can take care of myself," she retorted. "I've taken several self-defense classes, I'll have you know."

He didn't look impressed. "Well, this neighbor of yours sounds like a jerk. Just stay out of his way and let me know if he gives you any shit." He tried to look intimidating but his face was just so open and friendly that he failed spectacularly.

Rey shot Poe a grateful look anyways. He had become such a good friend, giving her this job, helping her move. He was so genuinely kind, it sometimes threw her off. But it felt good to know someone had her back, wouldn't hesitate to help her out.

"Thanks," she said and he rolled his eyes.

"None of that now. Get back to work before I regret hiring you." He winked, tossing a rag at her, chuckling at her indignant shriek as it slapped wetly against her.

She stuck out her tongue and started cleaning the espresso machine, letting the cozy sound of chatter and smell of coffee wash away the stress of her night.

….

"See you later," she called to Poe, struggling to wave around the stack of boxes in her arms as he got into his car. He always made her take leftovers home at the end of the night, her apartment counter littered with boxes of cookies and muffins.

Work had been a great distraction and she started walking home, feeling rejuvenated. She loved her job, loved the cozy little cafe with it's battered tables and mismatching chairs. Loved the regulars who chatted with her and always tipped well.

Her apartment was only a few blocks away so she made it home quickly, arms tiring from all the boxes. Poe didn't know how to take no for an answer and claimed she needed the extra calories, always throwing a meaningful look at her flat stomach.

She made it up the two flights of stairs and to her door, shifting the boxes to one arm and holding the stack with her chin as she dug around in her purse for her keys with her free hand. They had sunk to the bottom, managing to wiggle under everything else, as usual.

Heavy footsteps sounded behind her just as she managed to free her keys. The back of her neck prickled.

 _Please no, please, please._ She glanced over her shoulder and caught a flash of a black jacket, dark hair. Of course, of fucking course, this was happening right now. She could feel his eyes on her as he walked over to his door, the soft jingle of his keys.

 _Just open the door_ , she told herself, trying to peer around the edge of the boxes to see if the key was anywhere near the lock. After a second of struggling, she got it in but her dumb lock always stuck. She had to jiggle and twist it just right to get the door open, sometimes taking her a full minute. And that's if her hands were free.

She hadn't heard him open his own door but she refused to look over, to see if he was watching her struggle with a satisfied smile. The thought made her grind her teeth.

"Goddamn stupid piece of shit lock," she muttered under her breath, trying to wedge her shoulder against the door without dropping her food which was starting to tip precariously.

She was so focused on her door that when the weight of the boxes disappeared from her arms, she nearly lunged, thinking they were falling.

It was a good thing she didn't or she would have plowed right into her neighbor. She blinked at him dumbly, standing a foot away, holding her food. It took her brain a second to put two and two together.

"Oh… uh, thanks," she said, wincing at the apparent confusion in her own voice. She shouldn't judge him from just one encounter but she totally was. Why was he being nice? Maybe he was trying to make amends for last night.

He just looked at her expectantly and she realized he was waiting for her to open the door. "Sorry," she muttered, turning back. "This stupid lock is broken or something, it's nearly impossible to open."

"I'm sure the landlord would fix it if you asked," he said. He sounded uncomfortable but Rey wasn't sure if it was because he was bringing up the landlord so soon after last night or just because he wasn't good at talking.

"I mentioned it when I first moved in." She shrugged. "I think he forgot and I don't want to be marked as the annoying tenant if I bother him about it again."

She smiled triumphantly as the lock finally turned and she swung the door open. "There we go."

He was staring at her with a strange look in his dark eyes. "I don't think he'll be annoyed you're wanting something basic fixed. I'm pretty sure it's a safety issue."

Rey let out a small snort. He was actually talking to her about safety after she knocked on his door at three in the morning. "I could probably fix it if I looked at it, I'm pretty handy but I haven't had time. It's no big deal, I'll get to it eventually."

"But what if there are murderers in the building?" he asked, his lips curling in the corner. He was actually teasing her about last night. She was so surprised she almost didn't respond.

She briefly considered making a snarky remark about hopefully having a neighbor who would help her out if she was in trouble. But she bit her tongue, not wanting to ruin the moment, not when he was obviously trying.

"Then I guess the landlord is going to feel really bad he didn't fix my lock," she joked.

He frowned at her but didn't say anything.

"Oh god, sorry, let me take those." She realized he was still holding her stack of boxes. His hand brushed hers as she took them and an involuntary shiver rolled down her spine.

He glanced at the logo on the boxes as he passed them over. "You must really like their muffins."

She laughed. "They are pretty good but I actually work there. My boss likes to push all the leftovers on me."

Silence fell between them. He wasn't very good at making small talk but Rey found that she didn't mind. There was something refreshing about speaking with someone who wasn't trying so hard.

"Well anyways, thanks again." She took a step towards her door, smiling. It seemed they weren't going to talk about last night but that was fine, she got the impression he felt bad and was trying to make up for it. She had caught him at a bad time, after all. She shouldn't have been quick to judge.

"Kylo," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"My name. It's Kylo." The way he looked at her was strangely raw and she felt her mouth go dry.

"Thanks again, Kylo. I'm Rey." She offered him one last smile before going in her apartment and closing the door, throwing her food on the counter.

She starting making dinner, trying to keep her hands busy but even an hour later, she couldn't seem to wipe the smile off her face.

In the morning, she was woken up by a knock on her door. It was the landlord, there to fix her lock.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Many thanks to everyone who read my first chapter and reviewed, followed, or favorited! You've all been so kind, I hope the second chapter doesn't disappoint! And as always, I don't own any of these characters.**_

Work dragged by for Rey, something she normally didn't mind. She would rather spend her time at the cafe than at home by herself in her empty apartment. But today, she wanted to get back and see Kylo again. She wanted to thank him for sending the landlord and maybe attempt to have an awkward conversation with him.

She laughed out loud from where she was collecting cups from a table, glancing around to make sure no one was looking at her. Only she would look forward to something like that.

She'd only spoken with him twice, and one of those times had resulted in her yelling at his door, but she found him oddly charming. There was just something about him.

The door opened and she glanced up, seeing her friend Finn walking in.

"Hey!" he called, waving and heading to the front.

"Let me set these down," she called back, scurrying to dump her dishes in the sink behind the counter. Hands empty, she ran back and embraced Finn, his arms warm around her shoulders.

He chuckled into her hair before stepping back. "Sorry it's been a while. I kept meaning to visit."

Rey punched him playfully. "I'll never forgive you. But I will get you a coffee. On the house, of course."

His laugh followed her to the coffee maker where Poe was already getting his drink ready.

"Mind if I take a quick break and catch up?" she asked, knowing she didn't really need to. It was midday so hardly anyone was in.

"Only if you get me his number," he muttered under his breath, throwing a wistful look to where Finn sat.

Rey rolled her eyes. Poe had been pining after Finn since he visited her on her first day of work here. She kept telling him to just ask him out but Poe was weirdly shy where he was concerned. She just took it as a sign that he really liked him.

She promised herself to say out of it since they were both her friends but she thought they'd make a great couple, with Finn's constant overcautious personality and Poe being so easygoing and carefree. She thought they'd maybe help balance each other out a bit.

Grabbing her lemon tea and Finn's mocha, she joined him at a small table by the window.

Finn was her oldest friend, someone she'd known since she was a teenager. They'd been in the same foster home for a year and managed to stay friends even when they got separated. He'd been there for her through a lot of rough times and helped her get her first apartment.

"So, how do you like your new place?" Finn asked, settling back in his chair and sipping his mocha. His eyes lit up and he let out a satisfied groan.

Rey shook her head, loving how expressive he was about everything.

"Yeah, it's nice, it was a much needed change," she said, recalling her abysmal previous apartment.

"Good. Your landlord seem nice?"

"Yeah, he's alright. Came and fixed my lock this morning." She drank her tea, loving the perfect blend of sweet and sour.

Finn nodded, giving her a second while she debated telling him about Kylo. He knew her so well, he could tell there was something on her mind. She only had to think about it briefly, knowing Finn would understand better than anyone.

"There's this guy, my neighbor," she started. "My walls are really thin so I can hear him at night, tossing and turning, having serious nightmares. He reminds me of Timothy." She named the boy who would wake up screaming and clawing and Finn nodded, having seen him too. She could tell from the look on his eyes that he didn't like where this was going but he let her finish.

"I can just hear him in there, night after night and he doesn't live with anyone. He's alone all the time, just suffering. I know it's none of my business but..." she trailed off.

Finn set his drink down with a clink against the table and sighed. "Look, you know what I'm going to say. It's not your problem."

"I know that," she mumbled, picking at her seat.

"I love you girl, but I don't think you do know. You think everyone's problem is your problem and you'd kill yourself trying to fix them all." His voice was kind but that almost made it worse.

"I just feel bad for him," she protested weakly. "He could probably use a friend."

"I'm not going to argue with you. I know how stubborn you are and you're going to do what you think is right either way. But just remember, guys like that, usually it isn't a great idea to get involved with them." He gave her a meaningful look and she flushed.

"It isn't like that. Besides, you know I hate thinking like that. Your past doesn't always define you. Look at us, we both made it."

He held up his hands defensively. "I know, I know. I'm just saying, if this guy has some trauma in his past that he's carrying around, he could be a bit of a loose cannon. I don't want you caught in the crossfire if he explodes."

Rey glared at him defiantly. "I refuse to judge someone before I know their story. I wouldn't have anyone in my life if my friends chose that mentality. I have to believe that there's hope for scarred people; people like us… like _him_."

Finn looked at her with warm understanding. "I don't want to fight with you. All I'm saying is, you have a bad habit of finding something that's broken and trying to put all the pieces back together. Just remember those pieces have sharp edges and you could get cut."

"Wow Finn, that was really poetic," she said flatly.

They stared at each other for a second before they both started chuckling. Finn shook his head as he laughed.

"So this guy, how good looking is he?" Finn asked innocently.

"Shut up!" Rey shrieked, knowing he would take it there.

Finn's eyebrows flew up his forehead. "That good, huh? I'm sure his looks have nothing to do with your sudden selfless desire to help him," he teased.

She groaned, wanting to punch him. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want anything to do with me. He doesn't seem like he likes people much and our first interaction was… not great," she finished lamely, unable to find a better word.

"Yeah, well I'm sure the second he actually thought about the fact his new neighbor was a gorgeous girl, he regretted that real quick," he muttered.

"You're such an idiot."

"Makes two of us," he threw back and she stuck her tongue out at him.

Finn stuck around for a while longer and they caught up on everything else. Whenever he visited, he left Rey with the feeling that her heart was too full.

As was his custom every time he left, he pulled her into a tight hug and asked her, "Are you happy?" He was always looking out for her.

"Yes," she told him, meaning it. She felt him nod against her.

He pulled away, throwing Poe a quick wave. "See you!"

"Hey, don't wait so long to visit next time," Rey called to him as he started towards the door, shrugging on his leather jacket.

"So needy," he tossed over his shoulder, throwing her one last grin before he vanished out the door.

The second he was gone, Poe collapsed against the counter dramatically. "That man… Rey, why do you have to bring him here and torture me so?"

"Yeah, it really looked like you were being tortured when you were checking out his butt as he left."

Poe laughed loudly, brown eyes sparkling. "Touche."

...

Rey hurried up the stairs of her apartment, feeling strangely nervous. She had rushed home after closing up the cafe, a large tea in one hand, a box of chocolate chip cookies in the other. Everyone loved chocolate chip, right?

She paused in the hall outside Kylo's door, tucking the cookies under one arm so she had a free hand to knock with. Up until the moment she left work, she had debated bringing him something but it went against her nature to not thank him for calling the landlord about her lock. It had been surprisingly thoughtful and unexpected.

The door finally opened, revealing a surprisingly well dressed Kylo. He was in dark jeans, with a black blazer over a charcoal sweater. She was already noticing a trend in his clothing color choices. His hair even looked slightly more tame than the last time she'd seen him.

"Rey," he said, looking surprised. It was dumb but she felt strangely pleased that he said her name without hesitation, almost with familiarity.

"I just got home from work and wanted to thank you for getting the landlord over to my place." She gestured over to her door. "My lock is fixed now, so thanks."

"Oh- I uh… you're welcome." He looked horribly uncomfortable and Rey felt bad for how much she was struggling to hold back a giggle.

"Well, I wanted to thank you in person. And these are for you." She handed over the hot tea and box of cookies, which he took hesitantly. "I didn't know what you liked but it seemed a little late for coffee so it's pomegranate tea with honey, my favorite."

He just stared at the things in his hands like he didn't understand how they got there or what he should do with them.

She assumed getting him to talk would be like pulling teeth but holy hell, this was painfully awkward. He was just standing there holding her gifts and staring at her like she was an idiot. Maybe he hated cookies or was allergic to pomegranate. A wave of embarrassment washed over her and she felt her face getting hot but refused to feel bad.

He didn't say anything she continued. "It's like a thank you and an apology at the same time. For the other night, you know, when I might have said something about hoping you got murdered." She smiled self-consciously, running a hand through her brown hair. "I was hoping I could explain myself and apologize for real, if you have a minute."

"I'm actually on my way out right now, I'm running a little late..." he trailed off meaningfully, glancing down at his outfit that suddenly made sense.

Rey bit back her disappointment. "Oh, of course, sorry!" She backed up and started side-stepping towards her door. "Sorry, I'll just-" she pointed to her door. Oh hell, she was an idiot. She turned around and started digging through her purse, looking for her keys.

"Rey." The sound of her name sent her spinning back around, surprised he hadn't fled back into his apartment already.

Kylo was watching her with the smallest of smiles. "Thank you, for the tea and cookies." He lifted the cup to his lips and took a small drink, eyes on her. "It's sweet," he said almost like he was surprised. He'd probably never had a good cup of tea in his life.

"I might have gone a little overboard with the honey, I have a bit of a sweet tooth," she explained apologetically.

The edge of his tongue peeked out as he licked his lips, probably tasting the lingering sweetness. Their eyes met and it felt like the air in the hallway had been sucked out. His gaze hit her like a physical blow.

"I like it," was all he said, giving her one last look with his intensely dark eyes before going back into his apartment, closing the door behind him.

Rey opened her door feeling like she was in a trance, closing and leaning against it, listening to him as he came back out. It wasn't until she heard his footsteps disappear down the stairs that she let out a breath, spine going limp.

Either she was going crazy or she was feeling this weird intensity between them. In the hall just then, the way he'd looked at her, it felt… she didn't know but whatever it was, it scared her.

It scared the hell out of her.

...

This goddamn espresso machine was going to be the death of her. Rey groaned, resisting the urge to smash it on the ground and stomp on it. It had decided halfway through her shift that it didn't want to work anymore. She thought maybe the electrovalve had gotten jammed so she took it apart and cleaned it but it still wasn't working. It could be that the pump just gave out but she was going to have to take it apart further to tell for sure.

After being unable to fall back asleep last night once Kylo had woken her up, she wasn't in the mood to deal with this stupid machine. The sound of him hyperventilating after a nightmare, big, wheezing, shuddering gasps that she swore she could feel, had made it impossible to relax enough to go back to bed.

She heard the cafe door open. "I'll be with you in a second," she called over her shoulder, twisting viciously at where the water line connected to the pump. It came free, spraying a burst of water all over her chest and shoulders.

She swore under her breath, grabbing the nearest hand towel and wiping at her neck. The front of her blue blouse was soaked but she had a customer waiting.

Spinning around to the front counter, she tried dabbing at her shirt a bit before giving up.

"Sorry about that, I-" she cut off when she saw Kylo waiting at the counter, looking like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or not.

Rey froze, suddenly so aware of how she looked. Soaked shirt stuck to her skin and probably showing off her lacy bra. Hair thrown up in the messiest bun possible, from trying to get it out of her way while attacking the espresso machine. She knew, she just knew, she probably had smears of coffee somewhere on her face.

He, of course, looked great. He was in a tight black sweater that looked unbelievably soft and had a laptop bag with him.

"I was just hoping to get a drink but I can come back later if it's a bad time," he said and it took her brain a second to realize he was teasing her.

"No, uh, what can I get for you?" she asked, stepping up to the register. With only the width of the counter separating them, he suddenly felt so very big and in her space.

"Pomegranate tea. Extra honey."

She flushed and resisted the urge to look up and meet his eyes that she could feel on her. What was he doing? Well, at least she knew he'd liked his tea. That had to count for something, right?

He was right in front of her and she wanted to say something but she felt suddenly shy. She didn't usually do shy. But it was different when she'd had all day to think about what she was going to say to him but now he was here, unexpectedly showing up at her work and she couldn't seem to conjure up any words.

"Is that for here or to go?" she asked.

"Here," he replied and her stomach twisted. She felt like she should be excited he had chosen to come here, knew it wasn't a coincidence. It would be the perfect opportunity to chat with him and get to know him a bit better. But after that look he gave her in the hall, the intensity of that feeling between them… she hadn't figured it out yet.

Ringing up his drink, she told him his total and took the card he offered her, fingertips brushing his. Reflexively, she flicked her eyes up and met his own, the lights of the cafe revealing the warm honey tones among the darker browns.

He looked uncertain, like he was regretting coming in and Rey cursed herself for being such idiot. Here he was, trying, reaching out to her, and she couldn't even think of anything to say. She needed to pull herself together.

"Actually, your drink's on the house," she said, handing Kylo back his card which he took hesitantly.

As usual, he seemed thrown by her doing something kind, looking like he wanted to protest.

"I don't charge friends." She glanced over her shoulder. "At least when my boss isn't around."

He chuckled, tucking his card away. The sound melted away her anxiety, clearing the tense air between them.

"But," she continued, playfully, "I will let you tip me."

For the first time in her life, she realized just how suggestive those words sounded. Or maybe it was just him putting her mind in the gutter. He really was attractive, she thought, then instantly berated herself.

"How generous of you," he said, clearly amused as he dug out a few bills and shoved them into the tip jar.

"They don't call me Saint Rey for nothing," she joked, then noticed Poe slipping back in from his break. "Go ahead and grab a seat, I'll bring your drink out in a minute."

Kylo nodded and headed towards the back of the cafe, having to dodge some of the lower hanging lights as he went.

"That is a very large man," Poe said, sidling up next to her, his tone appreciative.

"That is my neighbor," Rey replied, starting to boil the water for his tea.

Poe choked. "That's the prick who you want to get murdered?!"

Rey blushed. "Okay, I said that one time and I was a little worked up in the moment."

He looked back over to the table Kylo had claimed, pulling out a laptop and notebook, clearly intending on staying for a while.

"I take it back, you feel free to go visit his apartment in the middle of the night whenever you want. Also, on an unrelated note, you looking for a roommate?"

Rey glared at him but he just laughed. "I'm teasing, I'm teasing. But seriously, can you say tall, dark and handsome?"

She ignored him, going to the cabinet and digging out a black mug with little spaceships on it. Despite how tempted she was, she couldn't give Kylo one of the delicate floral teacups, if only because she would die of laughter.

She made his tea, adding in a healthy amount of honey, then took it over to him. She could feel Poe's eyes on her as she crossed the cafe and when she glanced back, he gave her the most unsubtle thumbs up ever. He was in so much trouble.

Kylo had taken one of the tables along the back wall and was typing away furiously on his laptop. He paused when she approached, scooting some of his papers to the side so she could set his drink down.

He cocked an eyebrow at his spaceship mug but didn't comment.

"It was that or flowers," she explained.

There was a nearby couple drinking from the floral cups and Kylo glanced at them, taking in the bright colors and thin handle. "In that case, I appreciate your thoughtfulness."

She grinned as he took a tentative sip from his mug, and pulled the extra bottle of honey from where she'd stashed it in the pocket of her apron.

"In case it isn't sweet enough." She offered it to him but he shook his head.

"It's perfect," he said simply.

Did he have to stare at her so intensely when saying stuff like that? Her earlier flustered feeling came creeping back.

"Okay, uh, good." She backed away, nearly bumping into a chair. She sidestepped it at the last second, clipping the table with her hip instead. It wobbled dangerously for a second before she caught it. Please, just let her die now. "Uh, let me know if you need anything else."

She fled back to the counter where Poe was waiting for her, shaking with silent laughter.

"Very smooth," he finally got out, wiping tears from his eyes. "You'll have to teach me that move some time."

"Fuck off."


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo showed up for the next few days, always around lunch time and always ordering the same thing; pomegranate tea with extra honey. He always claimed the same table in the back, always brought his laptop and a battered journal he scribbled in. And after an hour or two, he would pack his stuff up, thank Rey for the tea, and leave.

She learned that he was a writer but he wouldn't tell her what, never let her get a peek at what he was working on. He always wore dark colors in various shades of black, faded shirts or soft looking sweaters. And when he was thinking, he would nibble on the end of his pen, fingers tapping out a beat on the tabletop.

It made her feel weird, but she couldn't help but watch him sometimes, the man in front of her so different from the one who woke her up at night, crying out into the darkness.

He was good at hiding it but she noticed a few things when she watched him. How his shoulders would curl in protectively when people passed his table. How he left early one day when the cafe got crowded, hands curled into tight fists. He hadn't noticed her approaching with his tea one time and when she set it down, he flinched so hard, his chair nearly tipped back.

It made Rey's heart ache.

But she looked forward to seeing him every day. It was like a game, seeing what new thing she could learn about him. He revealed so little about himself, preferring to ask her questions, but day by day, she was getting bits and pieces of information.

Today though, he hadn't shown up, lunch time coming and going. Rey supposed she couldn't expect him to show up every day but she had the next two days off so she probably wouldn't see him then either. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

"Looking for that guy?" Rose asked when Rey peeked her head up for the twentieth time upon hearing the door open.

"Hmmm?" Rey asked, pretending she didn't know how she was talking about. Ugh, she was so obvious.

Rose just gave her a knowing look. She helped around the cafe occasionally, closing with Rey on nights that Poe couldn't. She was tiny and adorable but one of the most fierce and determined people Rey had ever met. She was a prime example of not judging a book by its cover.

"He's handsome but I like my men a little more… friendly looking," Rose said, wrinkling her nose cutely.

Rey couldn't really argue with her, Kylo certainly was intimidating, with his size and constant expression of displeasure or boredom. His dark clothes certainly didn't help.

"And," Rose continued, thinking out loud. "I think I'd constantly be scared he'd squash me. Men that big make me nervous. Like there's a line where big and manly crosses over to brutish and menacing." She blushed like she just realized what she said and was waiting for Rey to argue with her.

But she just shrugged, wiping down the counter. She knew Rose didn't mean anything by it, she just wasn't good at censoring her thoughts before they came out of her mouth.

Besides, people were allowed to have opinions, even if they were wrong.

…..

It was almost seven, an hour before closing, when Kylo walked through the door. Rey didn't notice at first, busy restocking their tea selection, but Rose jabbed her in the side.

"What?" she complained, twisting around. Then she spotted him. "Oh hey."

He gave her his usual small smile. "Just the usual, when you get a second." He shoved a five in the tip jar, his way of paying since she refused to ever charge him.

Rose gave Rey a smug look, taking over restocking the tea so she could make his drink. Rey dug out the spaceship mug which had somehow become _his_ mug, adding a generous pile of honey in the bottom.

A minute later and she was setting it down on his table, along with a chocolate chip cookie on a plate. It was dead this time of night so they would never sell the last of their baked good anyways.

She wanted to ask about him being here so late today but didn't want to come across as being nosy. It wasn't really any of her business but she'd gotten the impression that he was a creature of habit.

"Just as a warning, we close at eight," she said instead, trying to subtly peek at his laptop and see what he was writing.

Without even looking at her, he turned it to the right, hiding the screen.

She huffed, shaking her head at the satisfied curl of his lips. "That's it, I now firmly believe you're a porn writer."

Kylo spluttered into his drink. "Porn?!"

"Well I can't think of any other reason you'd be so secretive about your work," she said then laughed at the look on his face.

"I'm pretty sure they don't bother getting writers for most porn," he mused.

"What are you talking about? Where else does the incredible dialogue come from?" Rey put on a high pitched voice and cocked her hip to the side. "Oh dear, I didn't realize my pizza came with extra sausage!" She fluttered her eyelashes, pouting her lips.

Kylo's deep laugh made her flush. "Pizza guy fantasy, huh?"

It was her turn to laugh. "God no, I'd like to think I'm a little classier than that. Middle-aged plumber man usually does it for me."

He shook his head, grinning. The appreciative look he was giving her was making her self-conscious.

Needing to do something, she reached over and broke off a piece of his cookie, popping it in her mouth. Vanilla and chocolate goodness made her groan happily.

Kylo looked amused. "Did you bring that cookie over here for me or for you?"

"Sweet tooth," she said, unapologetic, snagging another piece.

He was staring at her mouth. "You got chocolate..."

She licked her lower lip, tasting sugar. "Sorry, I'm a beast when it comes to cookies." She darted her tongue out again, dabbing at her lip. "Did I get it?"

His eyes flicked up from her mouth and she felt an electric shiver jolt down her spine. His pupils were huge, those intense eyes of his looking at her like he wanted to grab her and-

"Rey!" Rose called from the front of the cafe, breaking the moment. Rey hadn't realized she'd taken a step closer to his table and swallowed heavily. "Rey, the espresso machine is leaking all over again!"

"I'd better get that," she muttered weakly.

Safely behind the counter, she leaned her hot face against the cool metal of one of the machines.

"Holy hell," she muttered.

…..

The next hour flew by, Rey keeping busy with all the closing duties. Kylo left a few minutes before eight, nodding goodbye and slipping out the door.

She and Rose made quick work of tidying up and wiping down the tables, throwing the cash in the safe in Poe's little back office and heading out the side door to lock up.

"See you next week," Rose called, making her way over to her little red car parked out back.

Rey waved, locking the door and setting the alarm. She stepped into the dark side alley and a familiar meow greeted her.

"Hey there," she cooed, crouching down to pet the cat. It was a stray that always hung around the cafe, a tiny ball of orange fluff. He purred, rolling around for her to pet his tummy.

She indulged him for a minute, finally standing up. He gave an annoyed sounding meow, pawing at her boot.

"Fine, you needy brat," she sighed, picking him up in her arms. He loved to be held, curling into a ball and purring like a machine against her chest.

"You just think you're so cute," she told him, carrying him out to the front of the cafe, the streetlight casting a halo of warm light on the sidewalk. There was someone leaning against the pole and her heart skipped beat for a second before his height gave him away.

"Hell, Kylo, you scared me," Rey said, willing her pulse to stop racing. "What are you doing?"

"I thought I could walk you home. If uh, you're okay with that?" He said it like a question, clearly out of his comfort zone.

She struggled to hold back the giant grin that threatened to take over her face. "That would be nice, thank you."

He stepped forward then noticed the ball of fur in her arms. "What is _that_?"

"It's a cat, obviously. He's a stray that hangs around here most nights."

Kylo squinted at him. "He's such an obnoxious color."

Rey glared at him, pulling the cat against her tighter. "Don't you talk bad about him. Just because he's not black doesn't mean he's obnoxious." She pressed a kiss to his furry head and he purred louder. "Ignore him," she whispered loudly.

"He seems to like you," he commented, watching the cat wiggle around in obvious pleasure as she scratched his chin.

"I get along well with most animals," she said dismissively, then closed the gap between them. "Would you like to pet him? He's very friendly."

"Oh uh, cats don't really like me. He looks like he's fine with you."

Rey shook her head. He always seemed so hesitant, like he had burned it into his brain that he constantly ruined things.

She shifted the cat to one arm and reached down, grabbing Kylo's hand in her own. He didn't flinch but stiffened in surprise. His skin was hot against hers.

She took his hand and guided it to the cat's head. He leaned in, rubbing his face against his fingers the second they were close enough, purring louder than ever.

Rey let go of his hand, resisting the urge to shake off the tingling sensation in the tips of her fingers.

"See, I told you he's friendly," she whispered, unable to look away from Kylo. He tentatively rubbed the cat behind his ear, a look of quiet wonder and surprise on his face.

"He likes me," he said softly, like he couldn't believe it, then seemed embarrassed he'd spoken out loud.

Rey just gave him an encouraging smile and scooted a little closer.

They stood there for a minute, bathed in the soft light of the streetlamp, her holding the cat while Kylo towered over them, laughing gently as it rolled over in her arms, revealing his white belly for pets.

"Okay kitty, time to go home," Rey eventually said, crouching to put him on the ground. He meowed at her plaintively before darting back into the alley, disappearing into the shadows.

"Well..." she said to Kylo, tucking her hands into her jacket pockets, gesturing down the sidewalk with a quick tilt of her head.

He joined her and they took off, walking side by side.

"Did you have any pets growing up?" she asked.

"Just the family dog, this big, shaggy brown thing. His name was Chewie." He smiled ruefully. "No cats though, my dad hated them."

This was the first time Kylo had mentioned his family in all the times they chatted. It was a topic they actively avoided. He spoke in past tense though and she wondered if it was because they'd passed away or were just gone to him.

"Chewie... that's certainly unique," she teased.

"Don't look at me, I had no say in the name. That dog was around long before I was." Something about the way he said it had a flavor of old bitterness.

"I didn't have any pets," she admitted. One foster family had a dog but she'd only been with them for a few months so that didn't really count.

"Parents didn't let you have any pets?"

"Didn't have any parents so it never came up," she said lightly, gauging his reaction.

He glanced at her but rather than looking sympathetic or apologizing for not knowing like most people would, he just said, "That couldn't have been easy."

It was the way he said it, just a simple understanding that told her he understood to a degree what it had been like to grow up lonely. She didn't know if he'd lost his parents or had been in the system like her, but loneliness came in many different forms.

They walked the final block in a comfortable silence and he opened the door of the apartment building for her. Up at her door, she dug around in her purse, pulling her keys out triumphantly.

"Well, thanks for walking me home."

Kylo nodded, dark hair falling in over his forehead. "Do you always walk home alone in the dark?"

Rey shrugged. "It's not much of a walk, I doubt anyone's going to try to snatch me."

He frowned, an expression she was far too familiar with. "You never know, it's dark and the streets are pretty empty in this area."

A laugh bubbled out of her. He looked so serious, like a disapproving father. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Kylo."

His gaze was fixed firmly on the wall behind her and he shifted from foot to foot. "I could start walking you home if you'd like," he offered.

"Oh..." Rey floundered for a second, surprised but pleased. "I don't want you to go out of your way or anything. But I'd really like that."

He instantly perked up, like a giant puppy. "You would?"

Had he asked, just assuming she'd reject him? "I would," she said firmly.

"Okay, that's- that's great." The smile he offered her made it suddenly hard to breathe.

"Oh!" Rey remembered she had the next two days off. "I'm not working tomorrow or the day after though. I mean, you can obviously still go to the cafe if you want, just, I won't be there. Not that I'm saying you only come to see me! But you obviously don't have to walk me home... because I won't be there."

Why did talking with him always want to make her bang her head against a wall? She almost always embarrassed herself. Hell, she needed to figure out how to speak to this man without looking like an idiot.

"I'm going to go inside now," she said and he laughed, eyes warm.

"Good night, Rey."

"Good night," she muttered back, watching him vanish into his apartment.

…...

Rey groaned quietly, rolling over to peek at the clock. 4:12 AM. She'd already been awake for a few minutes, listening to Kylo groan and cry out in his sleep. He finally woke up and was currently in the pacing phase of his nightly routine.

Being woken up was getting harder and harder to deal with the more she got to know him. Now his cries and sounds of pain felt like they were physically gutting her, his heaving breathing making her own chest tighten in response. She didn't know how to help him though.

Another minute went by while she layed in bed and listened to him move around his room. Sleep was going to be impossible to reach now. She sat up in bed, sliding on her slippers, feeling wide awake and wired.

The thud of Kylo's apartment door slamming shut had her heading to her living room, listening curiously. Was he going somewhere? The sound of the door that led to the roof creaking open with its usual screech answered that question.

Rey would have liked to say she thought about how creepy it was that she was considering following him up onto a deserted roof at night after listening in on his intimate dreams, but she didn't. Instead, she thought about how lonely he'd look up on the cold roof, alone in the dark with just his thoughts.

So she went to the cupboard and pulled out a mug, filling the kettle with water and setting it on the stove. She didn't have any pomegranate tea so lemon would have to do.

A few minutes later, she was heading up the stairs leading to the roof, in her pink striped pajama pants and ratty old slippers, the mug of hot tea in her hand.

It was still dark out, the glow from the city lights providing only a little light so she almost didn't see him at first. After a second, she spotted him sitting with his back against the low wall that lined the roof, head back.

A chilly wind blew over the roof as she made her way to him and she shivered in her thin shirt, goosebumps erupting across her skin. She should have grabbed a jacket but it was a bit late for that now.

Kylo's head snapped towards her when she was just a few steps away. It was too dark to really make out his expression so she had no idea what he was thinking.

"Thin walls," she said by way of explanation, sitting down next to him, the stone wall cold against her back. "I thought you might like some tea."

He took the mug wordlessly, wrapping both hands around it. This close, she could see his face was closed off, an expressionless mask.

"I don't want to intrude, I'll leave if you'd like," she offered sincerely.

He shook his head. "No. Thank you for the tea."

Kylo didn't say anything else but she didn't mind the silence. She tilted her head back, trying to see stars but the city lights were too bright.

"I used to have trouble sleeping," she muttered, eyes fixed on the sky. "I would spend my nights desperate to sleep but so afraid to at the same time. It was like my fear would summon the nightmares. The same ones, night after night."

"What were they about?" he asked hoarsely.

"My parents mostly. Abandoning me, walking away and never looking back, no matter how much I would scream and cry. Then I'd just be alone, alone and cold until I woke up." She hadn't had that nightmare in a long time but she still felt her throat constrict from the memory.

"I don't dream, not really," Kylo whispered. "Mine are real. Memories. They don't disappear when I wake up."

Rey knew from experience that trying to convince him everything would be okay didn't help. He was struggling with a burden she didn't understand, she wouldn't disrespect him by pretending she did or offering false reassurances.

Instead, she reached over and took his hand in hers. His hand was huge compared to hers but it just made her feel oddly content and safe.

"You're cold," he muttered, pressing her fingers into his own warms ones.

He released her hand for a second, reaching down to pull his sweater over his head. His undershirt went with it for a second, revealing a pale strip of his skin in the darkness.

"Here." He tugged the warm sweater over her head before she could protest, chuckling quietly when she struggled to get her arms in the holes. It was huge on her, basically a dress, the scent of something spicy and masculine surrounding her.

He helped her push the sleeves up, taking her hand back in his own.

"Thanks," she murmured, stiffening in surprise when he scooted closer so their sides were pressed together. Though his sweater was warm, she could still feel the heat of his body against hers.

They sat together until the skyline started to soften, light blues and pale pinks bleeding into the horizon. Rey fought it but eventually, her eyes started to droop, Kylo's warmth and the strange peacefulness of the situation lulling her asleep. He tugged her towards him softly so her head leaned on his shoulder.

The next thing she knew, Kylo was gently shaking her awake. She wasn't sure how long she'd drifted off for, the tiniest hint of the sun now showing.

"Rey, let me get you back to bed," he said quietly.

"Okay," she said sleepily, letting him help pull her to her feet. Her back ached but her eyes were so tired, her limbs so heavy.

Kylo helped her down the stairs, a steady arm around her. She stumbled a few times, her body on autopilot, brain still mostly asleep.

"The door's unlocked," she mumbled, swaying against him.

Thinking back, she couldn't remember if he had hesitated before opening the door and leading her into her apartment, if he had paused and looked around once inside.

All she remembered was him helping her to bed, the hot brush of his fingers against the bare skin of her ankle as he helped pull her slippers off. He tucked her blanket around her shoulders, something soft grazing her cheek. There was something she wanted to say, but she was so tired.

She heard her bedroom door close softly, then a few seconds later, the louder thud of her apartment door. The brief thought that maybe she had been dreaming flitted through her mind then sleep claimed her.

 _ **I can't thank you guys enough for all of the kind reviews I've been getting! This story is definitely a slow burn, I want to take the time to do these characters and their relationship justice. Also, as a warning, Kylo is closed off now but once he starts to open up to Rey and reveal some of his past, it will contain sensitive subject matter. I'll post a real warning coming up. Again, thank you all so much, you guys are awesome!**_


	4. Chapter 4

Someone was knocking on her door.

Rey groaned, opening her eyes and squinting from the sunlight streaming in through her curtains.

 _Thud, thud, thud._

Yep, that was definitely knocking.

There was a moment of fuzzy confusion while she struggled to remember why she was still in bed. She glanced down at the huge black sweater and it all came flooding back. Last night, this morning, whatever time it has been...she'd gotten Kylo to open up a little. It was a small step but the first was always the most difficult. Getting to know him only made her want to help him more, to do what she could. Even if it was just someone to talk to, to share his burden with.

The knocking continued and she swore it was getting louder.

Rey slid out of bed, yawning as she made her way to the front door. It took her a second of fumbling to get the lock opened, relieved to see Kylo had locked it on his way out.

She opened the door to reveal a very annoyed looking Finn.

Oh. She had forgotten he was coming over this morning. They had made plans on the phone a few days ago since they both had the day off and it had totally slipped her mind.

"I've been knocking for ten minutes," he said, clearly exasperated.

"Sorry." Rey yawned again, pushing her hair out of her face. "I must have overslept."

"Overslept?" He asked incredulously. "It's almost noon! Oversleeping for you is nine!"

Noon? Holy shit, she must have crashed hard. All these nights of being woken up must have caught up with her. She apologized again, moving aside to let him in.

"Is it because that neighbor of yours is keeping you up?" He crossed his arms, leather jacket creaking. "I'll go have a talk with him right now."

Rey waved her hand dismissively, turning on the coffee maker for Finn. "Kylo's fine, I just didn't set an alarm."

Finn eyeballed her. "Oh so it's Kylo now, is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. I'm going to change, are we still on for lunch?"

He nodded, searching her cabinets for a mug. "Your new place is nice, much better than your previous one," he called as she walked into her bedroom. She could hear him walking around, taking in her apartment.

Digging through her closet, she pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a cream colored blouse. Once dressed, she ran a brush through her hair, pulling the front pieces back with a few pins. She grabbed Kylo's sweater from where she'd tossed it on the bed, folding it nicely. She'd see if he was home on her way out and give it back. He'd definitely notice if she kept it. Not that she was tempted to do so.

"Yeah, this place is decent," she said, emerging from her room, setting the sweater and her purse on the kitchen counter. "I haven't run out of hot water yet."

"A small miracle," Finn joked. It was one of Rey's biggest pet peeves with places she'd lived, since taking long, hot showers was a guilty pleasure of hers.

She went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth quickly while Finn sipped his coffee.

"Okay, I'm ready." She grabbed her purse and Kylo's sweater. "I just want to give this back really quickly, then we can go."

Finn zeroed in on the sweater with laser-like precision, just like she knew he would. "Let me guess, it belongs to the hot neighbor boy? And what, dare I ask, are you doing with his sweater? Which, yes, I did notice that you slept in."

Rey loved Finn but he could be so dramatic. He was probably already imagining her rolling around in bed with Kylo. Hell, now she was imagining it.

Her cheeks got hot and Finn gasped.

"Oh my god, stop being an idiot!" She said, heading out the door, avoiding eye contact. The hallway was empty as usual.

Finn followed her closely, standing right behind her as she went over and knocked on Kylo's door.

"If he answers, you will be nice or so help me," she threatened in a whisper.

After a second, Kylo opened it, his bulk filling the doorway.

"Hey," Rey said, praying she didn't make a fool of herself in front of Finn. "I just wanted to give you your sweater back. I should have last night but I was a little out of it." She laughed awkwardly, recalling stumbling down the stairs and plopping into her bed like a child.

Kylo looked like he was holding back a grin as he took it from her. He glanced behind her at where Finn was hovering, breathing down her neck.

"Oh, Finn, this is Kylo, my neighbor." She stepped to the side a little. "Kylo, this is my friend, Finn."

"Best friend," Finn said forcefully, reaching out to shake his hand. "And as her best friend, I'd like to ask a few-"

"And that's totally not necessary," Ret cut in, shooting him a look that promised a slow death.

"Nice to meet you," Kylo just said, looking like a mixture of amused and uncomfortable.

"Have we met before?" Finn asked, studying Kylo intently. "You look really familiar."

His face immediately closed off and he took a step backward. "No, I don't think we have."

"Are you sure?" Finn prodded. "I swear I've seen you somewhere before."

"I'm positive."

"Maybe you know one of my friends-" he started but Kylo cut him off.

"I said I'm positive."

An awkward silence fell through the group. Rey studied Kylo for a second, trying to figure out what was making him so uncomfortable. She knew from experience that he wasn't great with meeting people but it looked like he had at least been trying with Finn at first.

"Well, we'd better get going," she finally said, letting Finn pull her away.

Kylo watched them for a second before going back into his apartment, closing the door maybe a little harder than necessary.

"That guy is weird," Finn said on the way out to the car. "Did you see how he went all ice man on me when I asked if we'd met before?"

"You probably made him uncomfortable with all your dumb questions," Rey retorted.

He shook his head. "Nah, he's hiding something, I can tell. I know he looks familiar."

"And where would you possibly have seen him before that he'd want to keep secret?" She asked sarcastically, climbing into the passenger seat of his car.

"Gay bar?" Finn suggested and she snorted.

"Not likely."

He closed his door and turned to look at her. "And how would you know that?"

She crossed her arms. "Just trust me, you didn't see him at a gay bar." She was pretty sure Kylo wasn't gay, not with the way he looked at her sometimes. But even if he was, he seemed too socially uncomfortable to go to a bar and hang out.

Finn glanced behind him, reversing into the street. "Look, I know you have a big crush on the guy, but all I'm saying is, that was weird and I know you picked up on it too. Just be careful."

"Yes, dad," she sighed.

...

Their lunch went well, Finn taking her to a cute little Italian place in the next city over. He eventually stopped nagging her about Kylo, telling her about his job instead and his latest date disaster. Apparently, he had made plans to take this guy to a show coming up and already gotten the tickets, when the guy decided that he would break the news to Finn that he was already married. To a woman.

"He said I was an experiment," Finn said over his salad, putting air quotes around the word.

"Ouch," Rey winced.

"Seriously. So now I have tickets to this show, which were very expensive by the way, and no one to take."

"Yeah, it sucks you don't have a best friend or something," she deadpanned.

Finn sighed. "Well, of course, I can take you but I was hoping to have a hot date. It's supposed to be a little risque." He jabbed dejectedly at his salad.

Rey grabbed a breadstick, considering. She really shouldn't. She promised herself she wouldn't meddle but really, how could she resist such a perfect set up?

"You could always ask Poe," she said, innocently nibbling on a breadstick.

He just stared at her.

"You know, Poe Dameron? My cute boss who I've seen you check out at least twice."

"Poe?" he repeated.

"Yes. He likes guys and probably hasn't been in a date in forever. Plus, he's fun to hang out with."

"Has he said something about me?" Finn asked a little too nonchalantly. Rey just gave him a look. He huffed, crossing his arms then looked away thoughtfully.

Rey couldn't help but feel a little smug, knowing now that she'd brought it up, he'd at least think about it. Poe was going to owe her big time.

After lunch, they'd gone to a park and walked around, enjoying the last of the cool afternoon spring air. Spending time with Finn made her feel safe and she could feel the stress of the last week melting away. They'd killed time walking around the pond, Finn trying to get a duck to come eat from his hand, then hopped on the swings together. Watching Finn try to fold himself onto the tiny swing, laughing as he barely fit, Rey found herself so thankful that fate had brought them together.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Finn promised, pulling up to her apartment.

"Not soon enough," Rey sighed, earning her a smile.

She gave him a hug goodbye, hopping out of the car and waving as he pulled away.

Thinking of the tub of ice cream sitting in her freezer and how nice a hot bath sounded, she made her way up to her apartment. It felt a little stalkerish of her but she was disappointed she wasn't working today so she could see Kylo. It had become something she'd looked forward to every day so it felt strange now.

Once she reached her floor, she hesitated. There was an older woman just standing on the landing, staring at Kylo's door. She was well dressed in a cream pantsuit, hair in a braided updo. Hearing Rey approach, she twisted quickly, looking relieved when she saw her.

Rey gave her a small smile, going over and unlocking her door. The woman just went back to studying Kylo's door. Strange.

"Can I help you with something?" Rey asked, not unkindly.

The woman hesitated for a second, pulling out a small piece of paper from her pocket. "Is this-" she glanced at the paper, "Kylo Ren's apartment?"

"Yes," Rey answered, studying the woman again. Maybe she was her on some sort of official business. "If he's not home, I could take a message and let him know you stopped by?"

She waved her off, glancing at the door again. She was pale and as she tucked the paper back into her pocket, Rey saw her hand was shaking.

"No, thank you, dear."

Rey waited a second then went into her apartment, closing the door and leaning against it, listening. She was so going to hell for being a snoop but that woman... she had Kylo's eyes.

A minute went by before she heard her knock on his door and she strained, trying to get in a good position to listen.

She heard his door open then nothing but silence. Were they speaking too quietly for her to hear?

Finally, she heard Kylo's deep voice, muffled through the door. "Mother. What are you doing here?"

Mother. That explained the eyes. Rey's stomach twisted. Kylo never mentioned his family, going out of his way to avoid the topic and she'd always assumed he had a good reason.

"Is that all you have to say after all these years?" Ret could hear the sadness in her voice.

"What else would I say to you?" His voice was cold.

She shouldn't be listening to this. Rey, slid away from the door, taking several steps back. This was a private matter and she was a horrible, wretched person for listening in on the first place.

She paced around her apartment, fighting the urge to go press her ear to the door again. After a few minutes, she went over, telling herself to just check if his mother had left yet.

"-won't you come home?" His mother's voice was pleading and stuffy sounding, like she was crying.

Nope. They definitely weren't done.

Rey went over and rinsed Finn's mug from this morning, focusing on the sound of the running water. Damn it, why was being a good person so hard?

Another minute went by, then she heard Kylo yelling. "How many times do I have to say I don't want to see you?! Come here again, and I won't answer the door."

He slammed his door loudly enough that the dishes in Rey's cupboard rattled.

She felt sick to her stomach. She shouldn't have heard any of that. Poor Kylo. And his mother, she'd had to stand out there and work up the nerve just to knock on her son's door.

She had no idea what was going on between them and it was none of her business. But her heart ached for Kylo because no matter what his relationship with his mother was, that seemed like a rough encounter.

There was a loud crash from his apartment then the tinkling of glass shattering. Another crash, this time sounding like something hit the wall connecting their two apartments.

Rey winced. She'd been there. Though she liked to think she had better control over her temper now, she'd broken her fair share of things before in fits of rage. She had a scar on her arm where she threw a vase on the floor and a piece of glass ricocheted back and cut her.

Kylo stomped around for a bit longer but it sounded like he was done breaking stuff. Maybe he was throwing around pillows instead.

The sudden image made her want to laugh even though there was nothing remotely funny about the situation.

She sighed, leaning her head against the cupboard. She wanted to go check up on him, see if he was okay. But she knew he probably wanted and needed to be alone right now and her sticking her nose where it didn't belong wouldn't do either of them any favors. He'd been getting along just fine before she moved in and decided to start pestering him.

So she went and ran her bath instead, sprinkling in some jasmine bath salts and throwing her hair into a bun perched on top of her head. Hopefully, it would help with the nervous energy currently coursing through her.

She sank into her bath with a groan, the hot water burning at first. Breathing the scent of jasmine in deeply and feeling the delicious heat sink into her tense muscles, Rey let herself really think about this situation. To go over would be a huge invasion of his privacy and reveal that she had heard some of what was going on. Well, he had been yelling though so that wasn't really her fault. But she still knew going over so soon was off the table. Just because he had opened up to her a bit didn't mean he wanted someone in his face right now.

So what then? Did she bring it up once she was back at work and he came in? The cafe wasn't really an ideal place for a conversation like that. And that was assuming he would even want to talk, he could just tell her to fuck off and to mind her own business.

Rey flicked the water, annoyed. And what if she ran into him tomorrow? Was she just supposed to pretend nothing had happened?

More than anything, she realized, biting her lip, she was worried about him. His mother had said it had been years since they'd seen each other, what if her showing up had undone years of progress he'd been struggling with? What if it brought out inner demons he'd managed to push down? What if seeing her had ripped something open in him?

A knock on her front door jolted her from her thoughts and Rey froze for a second. She was in the bath, she should just ignore it. But... who else would be knocking on her door right now than Kylo? No, he wouldn't show up here, it was obvious he wasn't the type to reach out.

But what if...

Rey splashed out of the bath, throwing on her robe quickly, trying to shake off some of the water. Her robe was a silky, dove gray thing Finn had given her for Christmas last year and did little to cover her up, especially while wet, but she didn't have time to grab clothes.

She had to laugh at herself as she hurried to the door, trying to open it with damp hands. It was probably a package or one of the other tenants and she was going to look so stupid-

Kylo was standing there, looking lost. His face made it clear that he had no idea what he was doing standing outside her door and his eyes were a little red.

He scanned her slowly. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were busy."

"I was just in the bath, no big deal. "Rey crossed her arms over her chest, hoping it would help cover her up a bit. She felt very exposed under his unflinching gaze.

He took a step back, eyes down. "I'm sorry, it's nothing, I shouldn't have-"

She reached out and grabbed his arm, gently but firmly. "Kylo, it's fine. What did you need?" Tell me what I can do, is what she wanted to say. Let me help you.

From where her hand rested on his arm, she could feel how stiff he was, how much he must be struggling right now.

"I was going up to the roof for some fresh air," he finally said after a long second. "I was going to see if you wanted to join me." The way he said it was so resigned, like he already knew she was going to say no. He was always like that, assuming she would say no then so surprised when she said yes. It broke her heart that he always kept trying anyway and knew that hope lived somewhere inside him.

"I'd love some fresh air. Give me a minute to get dressed." And there was the surprise, flaring in his eyes even though he tried to hide it.

Rey rushed back into her apartment, unplugging the tub and throwing on her jeans from earlier and a comfy blue hoodie, followed by two mismatching socks and her boots.

She was back in the hall within a few minutes, relieved to see Kylo was still waiting. Part of her had expected him to go hide back in his apartment.

As they made their way up to the roof in silence, she realized her heart was racing. She felt like they were standing on the edge of something really important. He had come to her, approached her first after this situation with his mother. He was clearly upset yet he wanted to spend time with her rather than wallowing in his apartment alone. She knew it meant something.

The sun was setting outside, painting the skyline in shades of pink and orange.

Kylo went and sat in the same spot as last night, long legs stretched out, head resting against the wall. Rey could see his chest move as he took deep breaths. She waited a second before sitting next to him, letting him have a moment of quiet to himself.

She knew she needed to not mess this up. Whatever was between them was new and so fragile. She wanted to offer him a piece of herself, to show him that she understood and didn't judge, that he could trust her.

"The hardest part for me growing up without parents wasn't that they were gone or having to move from place to place in the foster system. It was knowing that they willingly abandoned me." Kylo didn't look at her but she knew he was listening. "I used to dream that they would show up one day and want me back, apologizing for taking so long and having some fantastical story as to where they'd been. But when I got older, I stole my file and read the truth. As a toddler, they left me strapped in a carrier, sitting on the sidewalk in front of some fast food joint. Just left me sitting there, where anyone could have found me."

It had been a long time since Rey allowed this to bother her. She liked to think she'd moved on from the old pain. But sometimes, reliving the memory of reading those papers, finding out that her parents had discarded her like trash- it hollowed her out.

"The foster system wasn't kind to me," she continued. "I ended up with a lot of cruel people. Not everyone was awful, but most were. I struggled for a long time, let myself think I had done something to deserve it. If my own parents thought I was garbage, why wouldn't everyone else? And these people, they were supposed to be my family. That's what everyone always said when they dumped me at a new home. They'd tell me this was my family now."

Kylo shifted a little closer to her, turning so he was facing her. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked.

"Because it's important," she responded. "Because I want you to know."

He said nothing so she kept talking.

"The last man I lived with, Unkar Plutt was his name, he was the worst. He ran a chop shop, made me steal things for him to earn my meals. He treated me like a slave, making me sleep in the closet and clean for him. I remember laying at night and thinking I would die there, in that dark, stuffy closet, all alone." Rey still had a hard time with small, dark spaces to this day. "Finn came and found me after a while, we'd tried to stay friends even when we were separated. Saw what was happening and told me to leave, wrote down the address of where he was staying."

"It should have been easy," she whispered, remembering holding that scrap of paper with his address. "I should have been the easiest decision of my life to just leave. It took me two months. Two months to convince myself that I deserved better. Two whole months to work up the courage to allow myself to believe that I could escape and be happy."

She hadn't realized she was crying until Kylo reached out and gently wiped a tear away, his finger just the barest brush against her cheek. She wiped her eyes, letting out an embarrassed chuckle.

"Sorry," she muttered. "The point I'm trying to get at is that no one can tell you who your family is. You can have blood, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers... but your family is who you choose. You have to make the decision to build your own though. You have to want it, you have to believe that you deserve to surround yourself with people you love. There's no shame is separating yourself from people who hurt you, blood relative or not."

Rey looked at him meaningfully. He was gazing at her with a look in his eyes, something she didn't have a name for.

"My mother-" he started hoarsely, looking away. "She wasn't a bad mother, or at least she tried not to be. She threw herself into work a lot when I was a kid, to distract herself from my dad always leaving. And my dad, he didn't know what to do with me. We weren't the same, I wasn't the sort of son he wanted. But neither of them ever tried to hurt me."

He took a deep breath, clearly struggling with sharing. She let him take his time, knowing how hard it was to open something up that you tried so hard to keep pushed down.

"Something... something happened when I was younger. I tried to go to my mom but she wouldn't listen, always too busy for me." He was speaking through gritted teeth, shoulders curled in protectively. "She didn't know but maybe if she had taken the time to listen, she would have _seen_ and she could have done something-" He cut himself off suddenly.

"It's okay," Rey whispered, reaching over and setting her hand on his arm. He was tense, like a cornered animal.

"I still love her," he choked out. "But I can't forgive her. And I can't be around her, not now. I'm no good for her, I can't be back in her life. I had to leave for a reason, I had to get away. And I can't go back."

She said nothing, just tried to focus on comforting him with her touch, sending warm emotions of safety and peace to him.

He must have felt so alone his whole life and still did. This wound inside him, it was just festering. He hadn't done anything to heal, just ripped himself away from the life and people he knew and tried to ignore it. He'd need to face his inner demons eventually and decide his happiness was worth fighting for.

But that wasn't important now. Now, he needed comfort and to know he wasn't alone.

Rey slid closer until she was against him and wrapped her arm around his broad back. He was so huge, she could barely do it, but it was the contact that mattered. He let out a shuddering sigh and pressed closer.

She held him as the sun slipped below the horizon and the sky turned into a velvet blanket of deep blue.

 ** _I'm so sorry these chapters keep ending up being so long, I don't know what I'm doing haha! As always, the response I've been getting is insane, you guys are so kind with your comments, it means the world to me. I've never really written a story like this so the encouragement is the greatest thing. Also, I'm sorry there's so much door knocking in this dumb story *hides face* It's a necessary evil but I hate seeing the words "knocked on the door" or " there was a knock on the door" like ten times in a chapter. Thanks for bearing with me! Love you guys!_**


	5. Chapter 5

Rey didn't see Kylo at all the next day. She went on a jog, bought some groceries, cleaned her apartment and finished a book she'd been reading. It was an average day off and she couldn't wait for it to be over.

To be honest, she was a little relieved she didn't see him all day. It gave her some time to get her head on straight and think about what was going on between them. She had no idea where they were going with their relationship, if this tension between them would amount to anything, but she needed to get it out of her mind. He clearly needed a friend right now.

She wondered if he was spending his day thinking about her, wondering how he managed to wind up with such an annoying neighbor.

When she showed up at work on Thursday, Poe picked her up and gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek.

"Girl, you are an angel. A gift from the heavens, sent to help my dying love life."

"I suppose Finn asked you to that show with him?" She laughed, wiping her face.

"You know he did." Poe beamed. "We're going next Friday. Finn is picking me up at six, he wanted to take me dinner beforehand. Mention that I love Mexican, will you?"

Rey assured him that she would, smiling at his enthusiasm. She should have hooked the two of them up a while ago.

"If this date goes well, anything you want, name it and it's yours," he promised. "You want a raise? Free coffee for life? To use the back closet as your secret sex room?

"You already pay me above minimum wage and I help myself to all the coffee I want," she responded, raising her eyebrows. "As for the third thing, that's not really any help to me."

He frowned, shaking his head. "It's a crime that you don't have men taking you out every night. I know a few nice guys, want me to try to set something up?"

"Uh no, thanks for the offer but I'm good. Not really interested in casual dating right now." Rey preferred to get to know someone outside of a forced date and the typical questions that accompanied it.

Poe wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Saving yourself for the neighbor boy? Can't say I disapprove."

She shot him a look, heading around the counter to grab her apron. "You know it's not like that."

"The only person who seems to think that is you." He rolled his eyes. "I've never seen a man so hung up on someone. He's in here every day, watching you like a big puppy, earnest eyes and all. He wants you so bad, he doesn't know what to do with himself."

"You're ridiculous," Rey scoffed.

"You two are ridiculous. Just hook up already. Show up at his apartment in some sexy lingerie, spend the night having amazing sex and get it out of your system."

"Poe!" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one heard.

He laughed at her expression. "I'm just saying, not a bad idea."

"I don't seem to recall asking you," she said icily, refilling the creamers. He had no idea what he was talking about. Kylo might have looked at her appreciatively before but that didn't mean he wanted to sleep with her. They were just friends, something Poe obviously refused to believe. He just loved being dramatic.

Poe came over and put his arm around her shoulders. "Girl, I'm only teasing. You and your big, brooding, puppy of a man can do whatever you want. If you're happy as his friend, then I'm happy for you."

She smiled. Kylo did look kind of like a puppy sometimes, with those big brown eyes, floppy hair and his big hands. Great, now she'd never get that mental image out of her head.

"Thanks, Poe." She leaned her head against him for a second. "And I'm happy for you and Finn. You'd better have a great time but if you go home with him, I do _not_ want to hear about it."

He smirked. "You know me better than that. You'll be getting all the details." He walked away, chuckling to himself.

She was already started to regret setting them up.

...

Around two o'clock, Kylo's mother walked through the door.

Rey froze where she was lounging against the counter. She was once again wearing an elegant pantsuit, this time in a navy blue, her hair up in a similar hairstyle as last time.

She spotted Rey and made her way across the cafe, walking towards her with a purpose.

Holy shit. What was she supposed to do? Did she ignore her? She was so lucky Kylo wasn't here yet or this could have been a huge disaster.

She stopped in front of Rey, sticking her hand out. "I didn't properly introduce myself the other day, I'm Kylo's mother, Leia."

Rey took her hand hesitantly, wondering what she could possibly be doing here. If she wanted her help trying to wiggle her way back into Kylo's life, she would be sorely disappointed.

"I'm Rey, a friend of your son's. What can I help you with?"

"I was actually hoping you'd speak with me for a minute. I won't take up much of your time."

"I'm not sure that's a great idea," Rey said honestly. "I'm not sure Kylo would be comfortable with me speaking to you."

Leia just cocked her head and looked at her curiously. "You say you're a friend of his. I'm glad to hear that, he didn't have many friends growing up."

"Listen," Rey said, noticing the curious look Poe was giving them. "If you want information on your son, don't bother. I won't disrespect his wishes, if he wants you to know something about him, he'll tell you himself."

Leia studied Rey with something like respect in her eyes. "I like you, I can tell you're good for him. Not afraid to say no, it's an admirable quality."

She gaped for a second, a compliment being the last thing she had expected to come out of her mouth.

"I won't pester you with questions about him," Leia continued. "It would obviously be futile. I just want to know one thing."

She reached out and took Rey's hand in her own, looking up at her with perceptive brown eyes. Kylo's eyes.

"Is my son happy?" she asked, voice thick with emotion.

Rey was at a loss for words. Leia wasn't what she had expected. From what Kylo described, she'd thought she'd be cold and distant, uncaring. But the way she was looking at her right now, such hope and sadness on her face, she clearly loved Kylo.

"I don't know," she said, apologetically. "I honestly haven't known Kylo that long. I would love to say yes but I don't want to lie."

Leia nodded, letting go of her hand. "He always was difficult to read," she sighed, shaking her head in resignation. "Thank you, dear. Sorry to take up your time." She started to walk away then paused. "I'm glad my son has such a loyal friend in his life. He's lucky to have you."

She nodded to Poe as she walked by the counter. "Such a beautiful cafe," she said. Then she was out the door and disappearing down the street.

"Who was that?" Poe questioned as Rey sagged against the counter.

"Long story," she said absentmindedly and he just shrugged.

What a strange encounter. How had his mother even known where she worked? To come in here and ask her something like that... it threw her off. She hadn't expected her to be so kind and obviously concerned for Kylo's welfare.

The real question was how he would react when she told him his mother had come to visit her.

...

She got her answer a few hours later when they were walking home together. He'd showed up at the cafe an hour before closing again, glancing at her shyly as if uncertain about where they stood. She'd brought him his tea and made him laugh, the nervousness disappearing from his face.

Poe had just snorted, keeping his comments to himself when she said he was there to walk her home.

He was waiting for her on the street after she'd locked up. It was a little warmer outside tonight, summer finally starting to edge out spring.

"How was your shift?" Kylo asked as she joined him and they started their walk to the apartment.

"Good." She paused for half a second. "Your mom stopped by."

He froze mid-step. "She what?"

"Yeah... I was pretty surprised. I guess I really didn't tell you that I ran into her, that day she was outside your apartment."

He still didn't move, but didn't seem upset that she'd left that detail out. "What did she want? Did she say anything about me?"

"Yeah, she pulled this huge stack of baby pictures out of her purse and made me look at them." She leaned over and nudged him when he just stared at her, face stony. "I'm kidding. It was fine, she didn't really say anything. I told her she would be wasting her time if she wanted information on you so she left pretty quickly."

He let out a heavy breath, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry she bothered you at work. She must have looked you up after she saw you were my neighbor, probably thought you could help her talk to me again."

"I'm not sure you can just look people up like that," Rey mused.

"Trust me, she has her ways." Because that wasn't ominous. But he didn't elaborate.

They started walking again, Kylo obviously lost in thought, his brow furrowed.

"She asked me if you're happy," Rey blurted out.

He looked confused. "If I'm happy?" He asked like he didn't understand what the word meant.

She nodded, kicking a pebble across the pavement. "Like she was concerned about you. I told her I didn't know." She peeked at him. "What should I have said?"

It had bothered her all day that she hadn't known the answer. His nightmares and general demeanor might suggest he was unhappy, but he also worked on his writing passionately every day and when he was with her, he teased and laughed, even being playful sometimes. He was so contradictory sometimes, it was like two people in one body.

Kylo considered her question for a long second. "You could have said yes."

Rey hadn't realized it was so important to her that he said yes until he did. "Yes?"

"Yes," he repeated and she saw that he was smiling slightly, watching her struggle to hold back her own grin. "I think this is the happiest I've been in a long time."

Well then.

...

For the next week, Rey fell into a comfortable routine. She worked all day, saw Kylo at the end of her shift, then they walked home together. They usual stopped to pet the stray cat who would meow pitifully if ignored, Kylo always seeming surprised when he rubbed on him and purred from his pets.

Every day, she learned new things about him. He hated blueberries, loved spicy food, had traveled to almost every state and more countries that she could count, claiming his mother wanted him to be well-cultured when he was younger. Fall was his favorite season, mostly because he could spend the day inside reading without feeling guilty, and he sometimes hummed songs when he was deep in thought.

For every question she asked about him, he asked three more about her. Rey didn't think she had ever talked so much about herself but he seemed to get such pleasure out of her answers, always nodding so seriously when she told him something, like he was filing it away for later. It was strangely endearing.

Rose had called out sick all week so Rey had to work on her days off but she honestly didn't mind. She liked keeping busy and it gave her an excuse to see Kylo.

He had come to the cafe earlier in the week, explaining that he had some meetings with his editor over the next few evenings. He apologized for not being able to walk her home and though she was disappointed, it obviously wasn't a big deal. He still went out of his way to stop by around lunchtime.

"Trust me, I'd rather be here," he'd sighed earlier. "Hux is an asshole on the best of days."

Though Kylo refused to tell her what he was writing, he had no issue expressing his distaste for his editor, but admitted that he was great at his job. That didn't stop Kylo from calling him a "sourfaced ginger cretin" when he talked about him though.

Friday finally rolled around, Poe practically bouncing around the cafe with excitement. Rose was still out sick and even though Rey assured him she would be fine closing by herself, he insisted on staying until the last second.

At five thirty, she had to push him out the door.

"Just remember, try to avoid anything that might make him nervous because Finn goes from zero to one hundred in half a second," Rey told Poe, giving him a hug. "And just be yourself, he'll think you're amazing."

Poe hugged her back. "Thanks again for setting this up. Now wish me luck! Oh wait, I don't need it." He threw a wink over his shoulder then closed the door behind him.

Rey shook her head, heading back to the counter, wondering which of them would call her first once the date was over.

The next two hours seemed to take forever. The cafe was usually dead this time of night, the occasional straggler stopping in. Rey found herself constantly gazing wistfully at Kylo's table then scolding herself. But she couldn't help but think if he was here, it would just be the two of them for most of the night.

She would have joined him at his table, scooting her chair closer and closer to him, trying to peek at what he was working on. He'd know what she was up to, of course, but he'd play along, only turning his screen away at the last second. She'd reach out to jokingly punch his arm but he'd catch her hand and tug her closer, until their faces were mere inches away, those piercing eyes of his looking at her the way he did when she'd had chocolate on her lip. Her breath would catch and she'd lean in-

Rey shook her head, cheeks hot. What the hell was she thinking? She seriously needed to get her hormones under control.

She went and grabbed a clean washcloth and the disinfecting spray, going to work on the tables, needing to keep her hands busy.

At eight, she locked the front door and turned the lights off. She emptied the register and the tip jar, tossing the money in the safe, and threw the last few mugs that had been drying up in the cupboard.

Peeking around the cafe one last time, she made her way to the side door, quickly setting the alarm and slipping out the door. She had just stuck her key in the lock when someone roughly grabbed her from behind.

She tried to turn around but her arm was twisted behind her viscously, shoulder screaming in pain. Her cry of pain and surprise echoed down the empty alley.

"Shut up," the man hissed, shoving her against the wall of the building, her jaw cracking against the concrete. She whimpered, pain blossoming across the left side of her face. Black dots exploded across her vision.

"I have a knife, so you make one sound or try to struggle and I'll cut you," the man growled. "Open the door back up and turn off the alarm. You're gonna get me all the money you have in there."

Rey's heart was racing as she desperately tried to think. She knew Poe wouldn't want her to risk her life for the money, and to be honest, neither did she. But he attacked her at her work, a place that had always been safe to her. She was scared out of her mind but anger was also curling in her stomach.

He could be bluffing about having a knife but she wasn't dumb enough to risk it. "Okay, just let me get my keys. I'll unlock the door," she choked out, blood pooling in her mouth. She must have bitten her tongue when he slammed her into the wall.

He pulled her back, keeping a tight grip on her arm. "Remember, one sudden move and I'll stick this knife in your back."

The keys were still dangling from the lock. Rey reached for them when a loud yowl sounded through the alley.

The man swore violently, his grip going loose around her arm. She stumbled forward, catching herself on the door and spinning around.

The first thing she saw was the stray cat latched onto her attacker's arm, a spitting ball of orange fur. The second was the knife glinting on the concrete at the man's feet where he had obviously dropped it.

Rey lunged forward and kicked the knife, sending it spinning away and disappearing under the dumpster across the alley, as the man cursed and grabbed the cat, throwing him into the wall. The cat just got back up and jumped at the man again, his demonic howl earsplittingly loud.

The man, average height and bald with a hooked nose, kicked out savagely, catching the cat right in the middle of his body and he flew into the wall with a dull thud. He didn't move.

Rage screamed through Rey's body and she flew forward, catching the man by surprise as she punched him square in his face. Fire raced through her hand but she ignored it. He stumbled to the side, almost falling over. Before he could pull himself to his feet, Rey had grabbed the long, sturdy wooden pole leaning against the dumpster, something she normally used to push the garbage down.

It turned out it was also great for beating the shit out of scummy robbers too.

She brought it down across this back and heard the air explode from his lungs with a "whoosh". He grunted, falling to his knees and she swiped it at his exposed face. He threw up an arm, just barely catching the blow against his forearm instead.

He rocked back and fell on his ass, quickly scurrying backward on the concrete. He hauled himself to his feet and Rey raised the stick, ready to hit him again. Her blood was thumping in her ears, blocking out all other sounds.

The man didn't even try to attack her again, turning around and fleeing down the alley.

Rey waited for a second then dropped the stick, rushing over to where the cat was crumpled on the ground. She let out a sob of relief when she saw he was breathing, her adrenaline fading quickly, leaving her shaky and hysterical feeling.

 _Breakdown later, safety first,_ she told herself sternly, picking up the cat as gently as she could.

It took her two tried to unlock the door and two more to lock it back up behind her, her hands were quivering so bad. She didn't bother turning off the alarm, knowing the police would be here soon anyway. Holding the cat to her chest, she turned on the lights and went into Poe's office to call the police. She must have dropped her purse with her phone in the alley but there was no way she was going back out to get it.

Once she'd called the police and reported an attempted robbery, she went and sat down to wait, cradling the cat in her lap and trying not to cry.

She lasted about thirty seconds.

…...

"Listen to me," Rey said for the third time. "I'm fine, I don't need to be examined, I need to take the cat to the emergency clinic."

"Ma'am," the EMT said with infinite patience, her eyes kind. "The sooner you let me check you out, the sooner you can give your statement. After that, you can take the cat wherever he needs to go."

"But he's hurt!" she cried, gesturing to where she had bundled him in a blanket and set him on the counter. He still hadn't opened his eyes.

"I understand but my concern is you, not the cat."

Rey could feel her eyes filling with tears again. If that cat died... she didn't know what she'd do.

"Rey!" Poe's voice called out across the cafe. An officer tried to stop him from coming through the door, red and blue lights flashing in through the windows. Finn was right behind him, peering over his shoulder anxiously.

"I'm the owner!" Poe exclaimed, trying to shove through, almost falling when the officer stepped aside.

The EMT grumbled unhappily as Poe and Finn raced over.

"What are you doing here?" Rey asked. They were supposed to be at a show and the police had only been here for ten minutes or so.

"The alarm company called me to let me know the alarm was going off. We left the show and rushed over when you didn't answer your phone!" Poe explained, examining her. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, dodging Finn when he reached out to turn her face towards the light. The EMT had winced when she saw what felt like a lovely bruise already forming. "Someone grabbed me in the alley and wanted the money."

It was a trust testament of what a good friend Poe was that he didn't even glance towards his office where the safe was.

"The money doesn't matter, I'm just glad you're okay." Poe looked like he wanted to hug her but thought better of it.

"He didn't get the money." They both opened their mouths but Rey talked over them. "Listen, I'll tell you what happened but first I need you to do something for me."

She reached over and grabbed the cat, still wrapped up in a blanket and handed him gently to Poe, who couldn't have looked more surprised.

"I need you to take him to the emergency animal clinic. There's one just a few blocks away, across from that french bakery."

Finn peeked down at the cat and frowned, clearly ready to argue.

"Please, Finn," she pleaded, feeling her lip start to tremble. "They won't let me leave yet and he's hurt. Please."

He looked at her and she knew he could see how important it was to her. He nodded, putting a hand on Poe's shoulder.

"We're dropping him off then coming right back," he promised.

The second they left, the EMT was back, muttering under her breath as she checked Rey over. She announced that nothing was broken but Rey would have a lovely bruise on her face and knuckles where she'd punched the guy and would be overall tender for a while.

"You'll want to take some time off of work and invest in a bottle of ibuprofen, but you'll be okay," she said kindly, waving the officer over who was waiting for her statement.

By the time Rey was finished telling the officer what had happened and giving a description of her attacker, Finn and Poe came back and she had to explain all over again. She was too tired to really listen to their lectures, appalled that she had decided to fight back. No one seemed to care that she'd won.

One of the other officers who'd gone outside to find the knife under the dumpster, brought Rey her purse from the alley. Everything was still in it, though her phone screen was cracked in the corner now.

Finn spoke with Poe quietly then came over to help her up and told her he was taking her home. He helped her out the car and drove the few blocks to her apartment.

She told him she was fine when he tried to help her up the stairs.

"You look like you're about to fall over," he insisted, wrapping an arm around her. She didn't argue, knowing he liked to fuss and probably needed to feel helpful.

He dug her keys out of her purse for her and let them into her apartment, turning on all the lights before guiding her to her bedroom.

"Seriously Finn, I'm not on the verge of death, I'm just tired," she said when he tried to help her into some pajamas he'd dug out of her dresser. She meant it. The shock and adrenaline wearing off was making her feel exhausted but mentally, she was fine. It wasn't her first time getting attacked, she'd lived with several abusive people before.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" he asked, sitting on the bed with her.

She shook her head, regretting it when pain lanced through her brain. "No, thank you. I just want to sleep right now."

He knew her well enough not to push though she could tell he didn't like the idea of her being alone right now.

So he just went and got some ibuprofen, putting a few on her bedside table with a glass of water, digging out her phone to set it there too.

"Call if you need anything," he said, kissing her forehead. "Love you."

Once he left, she got up, wincing at the aches across her body. She went and double checked that he'd locked the door behind him, turning off the kitchen light but leaving the living room one on. Back in her room, she pulled off her clothes, groaning as she had to work her shirt over her sore shoulder.

She crawled into her bed in just her underwear, too tired to try and put on her pajamas.

Exhausted and hurting, she shut her eyes and let sleep claim her.

 _ **Another chapter down, sorry for the lack of Kylo in this one. It was a necessary evil, I promise. Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, I'm having such a blast writing it and reading all the comments you're leaving, the support I'm getting is so much more than I expected! I'm insanely excited to write these next few chapters *wink wink***_


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning was rougher than Rey wanted to admit. She laid in bed, feeling the stiffness of her muscles, the aches all over her body. Eventually, her need to use the bathroom forced her from bed, gritting her teeth against the pain.

The knuckles on her right hand were swollen and purple and she could barely move her fingers. Not being able to use her dominant hand definitely wasn't going to make her life miserable. Not at all.

It only got better when she turned on the bathroom light and saw herself in the mirror. A bluish purple bruise spread across the left side of her jaw and up to her cheekbone. It surprisingly wasn't was as swollen or puffy as she'd expected, but the color was... vibrant.

After relieving herself, she managed to get the shower turned on and tried to wash up with one hand. She was clumsy and positive she did a shit job of actually getting clean but she felt a bit better when she was done.

Getting dressed was difficult. She just threw on a tank top so she didn't have to deal with sleeves and a pair of comfy sweatpants.

She felt kind of nauseous but forced herself to eat half of a muffin so she could down a couple ibuprofen. Poe had left her a message saying that under no circumstances was she to come to work and if he saw her, she was fired. Going to work was beyond her at this point but she knew she'd go stir crazy after more than a day of lazing around, injured or not.

Finn had also left a message, telling her to let him know if she needed anything and that he'd come visit her tonight. He said the police hadn't found the guy who'd attacked her yet, his tone making it clear that he was thoroughly stressed by the situation. Leave it to Finn to get more freaked out than she was, and she'd been the one who'd gotten assaulted in a dark alley.

Rey tried reading the book she'd been working on but got annoyed at how difficult it was with one hand and threw it across the room. She ended up turning the TV on, mostly for background noise. She felt restless and like her brain didn't want to focus.

Her thoughts kept straying to back to Kylo. He hadn't woken her up last night but she'd crashed really hard so that was no surprise. She'd hadn't heard him all morning though, and she wondered if he was out.

What would happen when he showed up at the cafe today and she wasn't there? Would Poe tell him what happened? Knowing Poe, he'd make up some elaborate story just to get Kylo rushing over here to check up on her. The thought wasn't completely unappealing, to be honest. Too bad she looked like she'd been hit by a train. Yeah, maybe it was best if Kylo didn't visit.

More likely, he'd see she wasn't there and leave, thinking she was sick or taking a personal day and just come back tomorrow.

Maybe he'd stop by and see if she was okay if he thought she was sick. She couldn't decide if the thought excited or worried her. If it came down to it, she could always pretend she wasn't home.

Rey dozed off on the couch, trying to remind herself in call the emergency clinic when she woke up to check on the cat.

...

She jolted up on the couch, hissing as she instinctively grabbed out with her injured hand. Her mouth was dry and she was disoriented, glancing at the clock. It was already five, she'd slept a huge chunk of the day away. What had woken her up?

Loud knocking came from her front door. Oh.

She checked her phone quickly. No missed calls. Finn wouldn't be here until later tonight and Poe would still be working at the cafe. That left one person.

Stumbling to her feet, she made her way to the door, swallowing. What were the chances it was actually Kylo? She really needed to install a peephole for just this reason. It wasn't that she was embarrassed that she'd been attacked, more that she didn't necessarily want her perpetually good-looking neighbor to see her in this state.

Freezing by the door, she turned her head, trying to hear. Was he still out there?

"Rey, open the door," Kylo rumbled in that deep voice of his. "I know you're there, I can hear you. Don't be embarrassed, I won't judge."

Fuck. How did he hear her when he was pounding on her door? Well, she couldn't ignore him now. Poe must have told him what happened if he was telling her he wouldn't judge, must have said she looked rough. Thanks, Poe.

She hesitated for a second, taking a deep breath. There was nothing for her to be self-conscious about, if he couldn't handle the sight of a bruise then that was his fault.

It took a minute of fumbling with her left hand to get the lock undone and door open.

For some reason, Kylo had a playful sort of smile on his face when she opened the door. It vanished as he looked at her, face paling. His eyes traced the bruise on her face then jumped to the swollen hand she was awkwardly holding against her chest.

"Hi," she said with a grimace, wiggling her hurt hand in a sad attempt at a wave.

"Rey," he breathed. "What happened?" Something dark flared in his eyes and his jaw went tight, a muscle jumping in his cheek.

"Who did this to you?" he demanded, his anger filling the space between them. His hands fisted at his side, knuckles white.

"Uh." Rey hadn't expected him to be so angry. Hadn't Poe told him what had happened? Why else was he here? "Did you not talk to Poe?"

"Poe said that you'd had an issue closing up last night and took the day off," Kylo got out from between clenched teeth. "He said I should visit you and get the story, that it was one I'd want to hear in person."

"Then why were you knocking on my door and telling me you weren't going to judge?" she asked, bewildered. "I thought you were talking about my face!"

"He said you'd probably try to ignore me because you'd be embarrassed about what happened! I thought maybe you'd tripped and sprained your ankle walking home!" he exclaimed.

Rey wanted to smack her head against the door. Fucking Poe. He probably thought this was hilarious, sending poor, unsuspecting Kylo over here. She was going to kill him.

Kylo took a step forward. "Did someone do this to you? Was it a customer? Tell me who it was and I'll-"

"Calm down," she cut him off, stepping inside. "I'm tired and don't feel like having this discussion in the hallway. Come in and I'll tell you what happened, but only if you stop snarling at me."

He looked like he was contemplating punching a hole in the wall. She gave him a pointed look and he took a deep breath, visibly pushing his anger down.

"I'll make us some tea," was all he said, walking by her.

Kylo made her average sized kitchen suddenly feel tiny. He hadn't been in her apartment since he helped her down from the roof. She grabbed two tea bags as he filled the kettle and set it on the stove. Trying to rip the packets open with her teeth, she bit back a protest as he took them from her, opening them easily and pulling out the tea bags. Gesturing to which cabinet held the mugs, she leaned against the counter and watched as he grabbed two and dumped generous helpings of honey in the bottom of them.

Keeping his hands busy seemed to calm him down, some of the tension going out of his stiff shoulders.

"Sorry about the snarling," he said softly, glancing over at her. "You caught me off guard."

"It's fine," she said and meant it. His anger hadn't been directed at her.

He walked over to her slowly and she turned her face away automatically. His hand grasped her chin gently, guiding the left side of her face up to the kitchen light. She kept her gaze firmly fixed on him as he studied her, thumb softly brushing the underside of her jaw. She shuddered beneath his touch.

"Are you okay?" he murmured, brown eyes concerned.

She nodded minutely against his hand.

"How did you know someone did this?" she whispered. "I could have fallen into a counter."

His free hand reached between them and lifted her injured one up so they could both see it.

"I've gotten into enough fights and punched enough people to know what this is from," he said wryly. "It looks like you put some force behind it though. I'm not surprised, I'd always taken you for a fighter."

Something about him saying that made her heart skip a beat. Everyone else had lectured her for fighting back and here was Kylo praising her.

Moving slowly, he bent down and brushed his lips along the tops of her purple knuckles. His mouth was soft, the graze of his breath warm against her skin.

She gasped before she could stop herself, the sound loud between them.

He straightened, dark hair falling across his forehead. She couldn't look away as his hand came back up to cradle the unbruised side of her face, feeling his fingers tremble against her.

His dark eyes threatened to swallow her whole as he leaned in and pressed the softest of kisses to her cheek, right where the bruise bled up from her jaw. His lips lingered against her, his masculine scent filling the air between them.

Rey couldn't move, every sense focused on him and the delicious heat his mouth on her skin was sending spiraling along her nerves and to her stomach. She wanted him to turn his head and slide his mouth against hers, to kiss her like she'd been thinking about in the darkness of the night, alone in bed. Like she'd been trying to deny every time she saw him.

The kettle started to whistle on the stove but neither of them moved.

He breathed her name, a sigh, a whisper. "Rey."

Then he took a step back, swiping the shrieking kettle off the stove. His sudden movement left her gaping after him.

"Which mug do you want?" he asked, voice rough, back to her as he poured water from the kettle.

"Uh, either," Rey responded, her head spinning. What... what had just happened? For not the first time, she wondered if the tension between them was a purely all in her head. She took a deep breath and pushed it down. The last thing she wanted was to make Kylo uncomfortable.

He grabbed the mugs of hot tea and followed her into the living room, joining her on the couch. He sat stiffly, handing Rey her tea without looking at her. She could see that he was clenching his teeth though, jaw tight.

"I suppose you want to hear what happened," she asked lightly, trying to diffuse some of the stifling awkwardness in the room. She got comfortable, pulling her knees up and facing him, an empty cushion between them. Holding her mug in her left hand was uncomfortable and she had to really focus to take a drink without spilling on herself.

He nodded so she gave him the quick version of the story, voice getting thick when she got to the part where her attacker kicked the stray. Kylo didn't interrupt, just watched her over his mug, face impassive.

"So I'm going to be stuck here for a few days I guess," she finished, sighing. "Poe won't let me come into work, which is probably a good thing since I can't really use this hand." She waved her right hand dejectedly.

Kylo was quiet for a minute. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to walk you home." His voice was heavy with guilt.

Rey laughed before she could help herself. "Really? I already have Poe beating himself up for going on a date and Finn for taking him. What's with you men wanting to take the blame for everything?"

"It's not funny," he said lowly. "You could have been seriously hurt or killed. I should have been there to protect you."

"I think I more than proved that I don't need a protector," she responded icily.

He stared at her then sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just- I should have been there."

"Well you weren't and that's that," she said calmly. "I'd really like it if I didn't have to keep comforting everyone else though. In case you guys haven't noticed, I'm the one who looks like she tried to fight off a bear."

Kylo gave her a small smile. "Something tells me you'd hate everyone fretting over you even more."

"Well maybe," she grumbled. "But I wouldn't mind just getting a minute to wallow in self-pity."

"Complain away, I won't tell anyone," he smirked.

Rey didn't hesitate. "This fucking hand," she whined. "I can't do anything. I can't hold a book, I can't open a bottle a goddamn water, I can hardly get dressed. Showering was utterly ridiculous. I don't know how I'm going to feed myself because I can't use my fucking can opener and I'll probably stab myself in the face with a fork if I use my left hand. Oh, and chewing hurts because my jaw is wrecked. And did I mention how bored I am? I can't do anything except lay around and think about how much I hurt and how bored I am."

Kylo burst into laughter. Rey gaped at him, indignation making her face red. Sure, getting him to smile was nearly impossible but he'd have a laughing fit over her struggles. Typical.

"I'm sorry, it's not funny." He bit his lip, trying to hold in his chuckles. "It's not funny at all. I just- I don't think I've ever seen you so pissed before."

"I live to amuse," she deadpanned.

He paused, obviously uncertain as to whether he'd offended her or not. "Listen, I'm not laughing at you. I don't think you realize how unfunny I find this situation. The fact that that bastard is still out there makes me want to go hunt him down and murder him for laying a hand on you."

Rey never thought she would enjoy hearing someone say something like that. But it sent a strange surge of satisfaction through her, that he was so angry on her behalf.

"Seeing you hurt and knowing I should have been there...," he continued. "I- I can't-" He struggled to find the words.

"I was only teasing you," she assured him, suddenly feeling wretched at the emotion in his eyes.

He shook his head, dark hair flopping around. "No, it's not funny, this fucking sucks for you and I'm sorry you're struggling." He paused, clearly hesitating. "If you're bored, I could stay and make you dinner. We could watch a movie or something?" he offered, surprising her with his boldness.

Like a date? No, he obviously wasn't really asking her out, but dinner and a movie still felt a little date-ish. That was probably just wishful thinking on her part.

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a bother if you're busy-" she cut off as he shook his head.

"No, I'm not busy. I was going to make spaghetti for dinner, if you don't mind letting me use your kitchen..."

She laughed. "You're offering to make me dinner, my kitchen is yours."

He got to his feet with a shy smile, taking her empty mug from her. "I'll run over to my place and get everything if you want to pick out a movie?"

The second he was gone, she grabbed her phone.

 _Don't worry about coming over tonight_ , she texted Finn. _I'm tired, going to turn in early._

She felt bad being dishonest to Finn but there was no way she was telling him she was spending the evening with Kylo. He would rush over here in a heartbeat.

She was spending the evening with Kylo. That was... unexpected. A little thrill shot through her.

Holding her phone, she remembered she was supposed to call the animal clinic and check up on the cat. She started to look up the number then stopped.

What if he had died? What if she called them and they told her he hadn't made it? She didn't know if she could handle that. There was a good possibility he had saved her life. She wasn't stupid, she knew there was a chance that once she'd gotten the robber inside and to the safe, he'd have killed her. Most criminals that didn't bother with a mask didn't intend on leaving witnesses to identify them.

That silly, orange stray might be the reason she was still alive.

Tears filled Rey's eyes. She had to check up on him, had to know.

"You might have to show me-" Kylo started, walking back in with an armful of groceries. He took one look at her, tossed his stuff on the counter and rushed over, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

"Hey, you okay? Are you in pain?" His brown eyes were wide as he scanned her frantically.

She sniffled, wiping away tears. "Fuck, I'm fine, I'm sorry. I've been stupidly emotional all day. I'm trying to work up the courage to call the vet and check up on that cat. I just keep thinking they're gonna tell me he didn't make it." She felt her lip start to tremble again.

"Here," he reached into his back pocket, pulling out his phone. "I'll call them for you. What was the name of the place?"

"You don't have to do that," she protested weakly.

"I don't mind. It's the least I can do for that obnoxious furball," he said warmly. "I might actually be starting to like him after such a brave rescue. Is it the clinic on 5th?"

Kylo just admitted to liking the cat. She nodded wordlessly and he stood up, walking into the kitchen, holding the phone to his ear. Something about him being nice about the stray made her just want to cry more.

She tried to not listen in on his conversation, just catching the occasional word, nothing that revealed anything. A minute later, he walked in, tucking his phone back into his pants pocket.

"Is he-?" she couldn't finish the question.

"He's recovering," Kylo said. "The vet said he had some head trauma, likely a concussion and some bruised ribs. He said there's no internal bleeding and with rest and time, he should be fine. They'll let him heal then send him over to the shelter where he can get taken care of."

A tightness in Rey's chest loosened. She laughed wetly, beaming up at Kylo. "Thank you."

He shrugged, looking embarrassed. "I'm going to start dinner if you're hungry? It will take a little while to make."

She suddenly realized how starving she was. "Dinner sounds great. Let me show you where everything is."

To Rey's surprise, Kylo was making sauce from scratch, ripe, red tomatoes sitting on her counter. She tried to help, unsuccessfully, until he shooed her from the kitchen.

So instead, she lounged on the couch and watched him move around the kitchen over the counter that separated it from the living room. He moved with a confidence that she wasn't used to seeing on him, but it was kind of sexy. She wanted to laugh at herself. How predictable of her to find a man cooking for her attractive.

When she asked where he learned to cook, he explained that he'd been home a lot as a kid so to keep him busy, his housekeeper, a stern, older Italian woman, had him help her in the kitchen.

He spoke of her with a fondness that painted her as something of a mother figure for him. It was sweet as she imagined young Kylo helping stir pots and chop vegetables.

Eventually, the smells wafting from the kitchen made her mouth water.

"Mmmmh, that smells good," she moaned, stomach rumbling. It was a good thing they were going to eat too because her ibuprofen had worn off a while ago and the aching pain was getting harder to ignore.

"It will be done in a few minutes if you want to get the movie set up?" he called from where he was bent over the stove.

"I don't know what to watch, do you have a preference?" she asked, hauling herself over to her small collection of movies.

"Anything is fine. Do you have a favorite?"

She smirked, grabbing her favorite off the shelf, the battered case giving away just how many times she'd watched it. He did say _anything_.

When he came into the living room carrying two bowls of pasta a few minutes later, he found her glaring daggers at the movie case.

"I can't open it," she said petulantly.

He pressed his lips together to keep from laughing, setting the food on the coffee table. He popped the case open easily, raising his eyebrows at the cover.

"I've actually never seen this," he remarked, handing over the disc carefully.

"You what?" she spluttered. " _The Princess Bride_ is easily the greatest movie ever created! That's just... it's just... inconceivable!" she cried, snorting at his confused expression.

"You're going to love it," she promised, going over to put it in her DVD player. "Or I'll never speak to you again."

"Threatening me before it's even started?" He smirked. "You must not be very confident it's going to win me over."

"Oh don't worry, you'll love it. The main character wears all black," she teased.

He opened his mouth then closed it when he glanced down at his outfit, dark wash jeans and a black henley. He scowled.

Rey pressed play then scurried back over, joining him on the couch. She set her bowl of pasta on her lap carefully, concentrating intently as she picked up her fork with her left hand.

Kylo was watching her from the corner of his eye.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," she warned him, already knowing this wasn't going to go well.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he said, taking a bite.

She tried to twirl some noodles around her fork unsuccessfully, nearly dropping it. Scooping didn't work either, the pasta slipping off before it left the bowl.

Swearing under her breath, she tried again. On the screen, the grandfather showed up with his book to read to the sick kid.

"Here," Kylo said, gently taking her fork from her. He twirled a decent amount of noodles around it then lifted it to her mouth.

She blushed. Her poor dignity couldn't take much more of this.

"I won't tell anyone," he teased but his eyes were warm.

She sighed then opened her mouth, feeling like a child. He carefully fed her the bite and she couldn't help the groan that escaped her. Tomato, garlic, basil. Holy hell, this was delicious.

"That is so good," she told him. He smiled self-consciously, feeding her another bite.

"You eat too!" she insisted. "And don't miss the movie!"

"I can multitask." But he turned back to the movie, eating some of his own food.

He managed to somehow eat his own food and feed her hers, all while keeping up with the movie. He laughed more than she expected, immediately declaring Westley as the best character. He watched the sword fight scene intensely, grinning hugely when they both switched to their dominant hands.

To Rey's surprise, she was enjoying watching him almost as much as the movie. He was so expressive when he got caught up in it, his face lighting up. And also, to her surprise, she quickly discovered that she didn't mind him feeding her.

A part of her found it almost erotic. The thought made her flush and she was glad for the dim lighting. But he stared intently at her mouth as he brought a bite to her lips then always locked eyes with her, making sure she was enjoying it. The way he was so attentive to her needs and enjoyment was sending her mind straight to the gutter.

An hour into the movie and they were sprawled out on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, empty bowls on the counter. Rey was feeling delightfully full and cozy, even the throb of her injuries seeming a little less awful.

"Not going to lie, that was much better than I expected," Kylo admitted as the credits rolled.

"I told you," Rey said smugly. "Westley was my first fictional crush. The mustache really did it for me as a young girl."

"I don't blame you, I'm struggling with my own crush after watching that," he replied with a straight face, making her giggle.

He stood up and stretched, his shirt lifting and revealing his hip bones and the distinct V line that disappeared down the top of his jeans.

Rey averted her eyes, mouth dry. Jesus, what was with her tonight?

Kylo went into the kitchen, grabbing their empty bowls on the way. "I'll tidy up really quick, mind if I throw everything in the dishwasher?"

She jumped to her feet. "You just cooked dinner, there's no way I'm letting you clean up."

He walked around the counter, crossing his arms. "I'm pretty sure you can't stop me... at least, not one handed."

"Didn't you hear, I just beat up some guy with a stick. You'd better watch yourself," she growled.

"Oh yes, you're very intimidating," he said flatly.

She flung one of the couch pillows at him, missing by a mile. He just looked at the pillow on the ground then back at her, eyebrows disappearing under his hair.

"Shut up," she muttered.

"Just let me clean up really quick, I'm not leaving your kitchen a mess." He walked away before she could say anything then she heard the water running.

She grumbled to herself, going to use the bathroom while he was busy. She downed a few ibuprofen that Finn had left on her bedside table, wincing as they scraped down her throat. It was only eight and she felt wide awake since she'd spent most of the day sleeping.

Kylo was putting the last pan in her dishwasher when she came back into the kitchen, leaning against the doorway.

"Thank you for dinner," she said. "You really didn't have to, but I'm glad you did."

"You're welcome, it's been a long time since someone enjoyed my cooking." The factual way he said it made her sad. "Well, I guess I'll head back-"

"You could stay for another movie," she blurted out. "Uh, if you wanted, I mean. If you liked Westley, I have another movie he's in. It's not as good but still pretty funny."

There was that surprised look he always got when she wanted to do something with him. "You aren't too tired?"

Rey shook her head. "You don't have to stay if you don't want, my feelings won't be hurt. But," she continued, looking up at him. "I'd like it if you did."

Kylo smiled. "As you wish."

...

Rey reluctantly said good night after the second movie. It felt strangely intimate to say goodnight to him then go crawl into her bed and listen to him do the same. The wall between them felt thinner than ever.

She imagined him laying in bed, listening for her too. She swore she could feel him on the other side of the wall, that undeniable tension between them reaching through it.

Tonight had been fun. There was no better word for it. Just a few weeks ago, she was yelling at Kylo's door in the hall and now he was over in her apartment, taking care of her and keeping her company while she was hurt.

Life seemed to bring people into her life in the strangest ways, she mused.

The next day, Kylo showed up at her door around lunchtime with a tag of takeout dangling from one hand, the other clutching a stack of movies.

"You showed me your favorite so I thought it was only fair I do the same," he said hopefully.

She grinned and stepped aside to let him in.

 ** _Yay, I managed to bust out two chapters in two days! Hope you all enjoyed this one! And hopefully, you've seen The Princess Bride so you got the references and scenes I was dropping. These two make my heart hurt but I love writing them so much *wipes tear* Thanks as always for the amazing feedback guys, you rock! Nothing feels better than knowing people are enjoying your writing :3_**


	7. Chapter 7

Rey wondered what it said about her that the week she got attacked in a back alley ending up being one of the best ones she'd had in a while. She blamed Kylo completely though, he was just completely unwilling to let her wallow in boredom and self-pity, or just simply starve to death.

He kept showing up at her apartment almost every day with food and new movies to show her. They'd laze around all day, binge-watching all the 80's sci-fi and action movies he loved, eating ice cream and whatever delicious thing he cooked up.

After a few days, the swelling on her knuckles went down so she was able to use her hand a bit and tried to help cook, though her skills were severely lacking compared to his. Usually, he ended up chastising her for not taking it easy and pushing her back to the living room where she'd watch him. She never got tired of it.

On the third day, he started bringing his laptop with him, saying he had some work to get done. Somehow, it always ended up discarded and untouched on the counter though.

Having him over so often became surprisingly comfortable. She'd never imagined he'd be so relaxed around her, enthusiastically explaining why he loved certain scenes so much, ruffling his hair sleepily as he yawned, stealing the last bite of ice cream from the tub. There was a lovely sense of intimacy that came with spending the days with him.

Poe and Finn came to visit her as well, bringing her treats and checking up. They had yet to go on another date with Poe working every night, and though Rey offered to come back to work, he refused, saying her bruises would scare away customers. Finn sided with him, of course.

She didn't tell either of them about Kylo, feeling oddly protective of this new stage in their relationship. It felt like it was just the two of them in their own private bubble and she liked it.

Their days together were cozy and fun, but there was constantly this underlying energy vibrating between them. Rey had never felt it, but she'd never had someone like Kylo in her life before. It was like a constant awareness thrumming under her skin and it was attuned to him. He'd look at her sometimes, just randomly in the middle of a conversation or movie, and she swore that he was feeling it too.

Neither of them brought it up but Rey knew something was going to give eventually. She didn't know what was preventing her from just giving in and kissing him or addressing the fact that she was feeling something more between them. Fear of rejection? Fear of ruining what was between them? Or was she afraid he felt the same?

The night that she went to his door for the first time, she'd never anticipated liking him so much. That their relationship would become so important to her in just a few weeks. She knew she grew attached easily but before meeting Kylo, she'd never felt this swirl of emotions.

There was also the fact that while she couldn't deny she wanted Kylo in more than a platonic way, he clearly needed to focus on inner healing and facing his demons. She wasn't sure how their relationship would play into that but she wanted him to work on his mental and emotional wounds without anyone in the way.

A week after getting attacked, Rey could fully use her hand again with only the occasional twinge of pain and her bruises had faded to a lovely shade of yellow. It looked nasty but didn't hurt to touch or move her jaw anymore. To celebrate, Kylo had brought her a giant burger which she devoured and chewed with an enthusiasm that made him laugh.

She would be going back to work tomorrow, having finally convinced Poe that she was feeling up for it and that she could cover the last of her bruise with concealer so she didn't scare anyone away. Getting out of the house and going back to work sounded a lot less appealing now that it meant her days of watching movies and having Kylo to herself would come to a screeching halt.

He was over again tonight, making her watch another 80's film, this one with aliens and lots of men with guns. Rey liked to tease him about his choice in movies but she had thoroughly enjoyed almost every one he'd shown her. His favorite, a trilogy set in space with laser swords and badass spaceships, had been the best so far. They'd watched all three in one day and she'd cried when the bad guy redeemed himself in the end.

The one they were currently watching was kind of scary, with these black aliens killing everyone, and Rey found herself squeaking and covering her face as Kylo snickered at her.

Her phone vibrated on the arm of the couch and she tore her eyes away from the screen to grab it, seeing a text from Finn.

 _Be there in five. I need to talk to you. IMPORTANT._

She frowned at the text. Had something happened between him and Poe?

"Hey, Finn's stopping by in a few minutes," she told Kylo, who was sipping a mug of tea.

"Oh. Do you want me to-" he gestured towards the door with his head.

"No, no, of course not." She supposed now was as good of a time as any for her to tell Finn that she was spending more time with Kylo. Not that he had any say over who she spent her time with. Hopefully, he managed to refrain from interrogating him again and ruining their night.

Five minutes later, he was knocking on her door. She gave Kylo a reassuring smile as he paused the movie and went to answer it.

"Rey." Finn was inside her apartment before the door hardly even opened, bumping it with his shoulder. "I need to talk to you."

"I gathered that from the way you rushed in here," she said dryly.

"I'm serious, it's about Kylo," he said. "I figured out where I know him from!"

"Uhm, that's nice Finn." She resisted the urge to glance over her shoulder. "Actually, he's here right-"

"Is everything okay?" Kylo's voice sounded from behind her. He walked over to them hesitantly.

Finn's eyes bugged and he looked back and forth between the two of them. "What are you doing here?" he demanded rudely.

"Finn!" Rey gasped, taking a step to the side so she could see both of them. Kylo looked uncertain while Finn looked like he was on the verge of yelling. "Don't talk to him like that!"

"Oh please," he said snidely. "He's been lying to you this whole time. His name isn't even Kylo!"

Silence fell over the group and Kylo took a physical step back like he'd been struck.

"What are you talking about?" Rey asked sharply.

"That's right, _Ben._ " Finn pointed a finger at Kylo accusingly. "I remembered where I saw you at. Whatever game you're playing at, it's done."

"Will someone please explain what's going on?" Rey demanded.

Finn spun to face her. "You remember that politician I was dating years ago? Jay? He dragged me to some fancy party to celebrate some law getting passed when we first started dating. All the state politicians were there, including Senator Leia Organa-Solo and her son, Ben."

Leia. Like Kylo's mother.

"What's he talking about?" she asked Kylo but he didn't move. He wouldn't even look at her.

"That's not even the best part!" Finn continued. "Ask me why I remember him?" He didn't even pause. "He attacked the governor, some defenseless old man! Went right up to him and punched him across the face, then just kept hitting. Security had to drag him away and everyone said he would have killed him if they hadn't pulled him off!"

"You have no idea what happened," Kylo said coldly.

"Oh really? I saw it with my own eyes!" he spat. "Deny it then! Tell Rey you haven't been lying to her, that your name isn't really Ben Solo!"

Rey was frozen, her mind racing. Kylo's real name was Ben? She remembered that day his mother was in the hall, when she pulled out the piece of paper to read his name off of it.

He'd said he had to leave home and disappear, perhaps changing his name was part of that. It would explain why it had taken his mother so long to find him.

When Kylo said nothing, Finn stalked up to him. "You need to leave. You're dangerous and I won't let you hurt her."

"You don't know anything," Kylo said lowly, shoving past him. He didn't look at Rey as he opened the door.

"Wait, Kylo!" Rey tried to grab his arm but he dodged her. Their eyes met for a brief second and she saw the devastation in them.

Then he disappeared into the hall, slamming the door behind him.

"I told you something was up with him," Finn hissed. "Good riddance, he'd better hope he doesn't-"

"What is wrong with you?" Rey exclaimed, interrupting him.

Surprise filled his face. "What's wrong with me? What are you talking about?"

"Storming in here and accusing him of all these things like he's a criminal!"

"Accusing him of things I saw him do with my own two eyes." he defended, looking stunned.

"Without the whole story! You have no idea what he's been through," she growled.

"What he's-" Finn cut himself off, shaking his head in disbelief. "Rey, he's _dangerous_! He should probably be in prison right now! He almost killed someone."

She glared at him icily. "Did you forget the things we've done? We've both had to do horrible things when we were backed into a corner. Did you forget that I should probably be in prison too? I don't see you calling me dangerous."

His face turned ashy. They didn't often speak of the things they'd had to do to survive. "That's different. We had no choice, you had no choice-"

"Maybe he didn't either," she hissed. "You have no idea what he's had to deal with!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the life of a senator's son was really difficult," he scoffed.

"Don't you dare," she snarled. "Don't you dare stand here and spew that judgemental bullshit. Not to me."

"Rey-" he started but she cut him off.

"You need to leave." She opened the door to let him out. "I know you mean well but I need you to go. We can talk later when we've both calmed down."

He started to protest, swallowing down his words when she leveled a glare at him. He hesitantly made his way out the door, turning around to say something but she closed it in his face. She heard him walk away after a second.

Rey leaned against the wall, letting out a breath. What the fuck was happening?

Okay, so Kylo was actually named Ben. It was a surprise, she wasn't going to lie, but if he was trying to leave his life behind without being found, that was the first logical step. She might have done the same if she was worried anyone would bother to look for her.

He'd also attacked someone. She knew he wouldn't have done it without a reason, knew he wasn't dangerous and would never hurt her. His reasons were his own and he didn't owe her an explanation. She hadn't told him all she'd done in her past, things that still shamed her even though she knew they were necessary. Though she wanted to say violence was never the answer, she had lived in this world long enough to know that was just naive. Anyone who could say that were fortunate to never be put in a position to really question it.

The way Kylo had fled though, the look on his face. He had assumed the worst and she couldn't blame him.

She needed to go make things right.

Stomping out into the hallway, barefoot and in pajama shorts, she headed straight for his door and pounded on it.

"Kylo. Open the door," she called, knowing he could hear her. She paused but the door remained firmly shut. "I'm going to stand out here and just keep knocking until you let me in. I'll stand out here all night if I have to!"

She pounded on the door, ignoring the twinge in her hand. "I mean it, if you think I'm kidding-"

The door flew open.

"What?" he demanded, stumbling backward when she shoved her way into his apartment.

"We are going to talk about this!" she declared, closing the door behind her.

He took several steps back, putting some distance between them.

"What's there to talk about? Your friend obviously knows everything, why bother talking to me?" She could hear the hurt and fear in his voice.

"Because you're my friend! Stop acting like a child and talk to me. That's what friends do."

"Oh please," he sneered. "You can stop pretending I'm not just another pity project for you. I'm just another stray you've decided to take him so everyone can see how kind and amazing you are! I'm no different from that fucking cat!"

"Is that actually what you think? That I just feel sorry for you?" Rey was shocked, her heart heavy in her chest. "You must know that's not true."

"I don't know what to think," he said. "You and me, it doesn't make sense. People like you don't waste their time on people like me."

"What are you talking about?" Rey said frustratedly. "Why are you trying so hard to ruin this?"

"Didn't you hear Finn? I'm a liar and I hurt people. We both know I'm no good for you!" Kylo ran his hand through his hair, letting out a cold laugh. "Jesus Rey, why are you even here after that?"

"Because I don't care!" she shouted, surprising both of them. "I don't care who you were, or where you came from, or what you did. You don't owe me an explanation of your past and if I can't accept that, then I don't deserve to be your friend. You're Kylo to me and I care about you, dammit."

He stared at her like she was insane and spouting pure jibberish. "How? How can you not care?"

"Because I know you," she whispered, taking a step forward. "I know who you are on the inside. There's light and hope inside of you and it's beautiful and it's sad. You're a good person and no matter how much you try to hide it, I see it. I see _you_ , Kylo."

Emotions warred on his face. Heartbreak, devastation, sadness, hope.

"Why do you have to make this so hard? Why do you have to be so fucking _good_ all of the time?" Frustration colored his voice but the way he was looking at her made something hot curl in her stomach. "Rey. I can't- I shouldn't-"

Then he moved, closing the gap between them.

Slipping a hand back to twine in her hair, he tilted her face up. His lips meet hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise.

Kylo kissed her desperately, his mouth hot against hers. He kissed her like he'd been holding himself back for weeks, like he thought he'd never get to again.

Her mind went blank. She'd been dreaming of this for so long, wringing out every ounce of restraint she had in her. And here she was, being kissed like she'd never been before, a kiss that tasted of pure passion and need.

Fuck restraint.

Rey moaned, gripping his arms and opening her mouth to the slick slide of his tongue, tasting the sweet honey of his tea on him. Her shoulders bumped into the door as he pressed her into it, his huge frame ingulfing hers.

His hands slid down her back, fingers brushing where her top had ridden up, sending shivers up her spine. They left trails of fire as he followed the curve of her ass, down to the hem of her shorts and the bare skin of her thighs.

She wiggled against him, wanting, needing to be closer.

Suddenly, he gripped the back of her thighs, lifting her up and pressing her against the wood of the door.

She gasped and he took advantage of it, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, tasting her like he couldn't get enough. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she could feel the power in his arms and in his body, holding her up so she could reach him better.

Fuck, that was hot.

She ground against him, feeling his erection through his jeans and he moaned against her lips, the sound traveling straight to her core. Jesus, she wanted him so bad.

"Rey," he whispered against her mouth, pulling away to look at her, to make sure she was okay. His lips were sinfully pink and swollen and the look in his eyes almost undid her.

Feeling bold, she reached down and pull off her shirt, leaving her in just a white lace bra. He took her in, looking at her like she was a goddess. Like he wanted to devour her. And god, did she want him to.

"Touch me," she rasped and his eyes turned molten.

One of his hands moved to her waist, sliding up torturously slowly. Her skin was fucking electric where he touched and she whimpered needily, hips grinding against his.

Finally, his huge hand covered her breast, thumb brushing against her nipple through the lace of her bra in a teasing touch. Pure heat twisted in her stomach and Rey could feel how wet and ready she was for him just from this.

Sinking her hands into his thick, soft hair, hair she'd wanted to touch since the first time she saw him, she pulled his mouth back to hers. Their kiss was rough and needy, but his hands were gentle.

Rey broke away from his lips only to yank desperately at his shirt.

He smirked as he pulled his over his head, hands immediately going back to her body, touching her just right. The one supporting her slid under the hem of her shorts, gripping the bare skin of her ass, pulling her firmly against him.

Leaning in, she kissed her way down his neck, hands roaming over the smooth firmness of his chest. She licked a hot trail down his neck, to where it met his shoulder and she nipped sharply.

He gasped her name, hips thrusting against hers, pressing into her just right.

"Fuck, Kylo," she moaned, throwing her head back and clutching at his shoulders desperately. He was so hard, she could feel his cock throbbing against her.

Bending his dark head down, he kissed and licked across her chest. His mouth sealed hotly over her breast, tongue curling around her nipple through the thin white lace and she cried out.

Rey didn't care if he took her against this door right now, she wanted him inside her. All the weeks of tension and wanting had built up inside her and she needed him more than she'd ever needed anything.

"Please," she muttered breathily. "Kylo, please."

"Anything you want," he whispered against her skin.

She opened her mouth to tell him exactly just what she wanted when a loud ringing broke through the sound of their panting.

Kylo stiffened against her. "Ignore it," he mumbled, reaching back to pull his phone out of his pocket and threw it down the hall. Rey bit back a bubble of laughter.

They reached for each other, mouths just grazing, when his phone stopped then immediately started ringing again.

His rested his head on the wall behind her shoulder. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"It's fine, go answer it," Rey said, biting her lip to stifle her giggles.

"No," he muttered stubbornly, pressing a hot kiss between her breasts.

It started ringing for the third time.

Kylo groaned, letting go out her thigh and stepping back so she could disentangle herself from him, leaning against the wall on quivering knees. Stomping down the hall, he snatched up his phone, cutting it off mid-ring.

"What the fuck do you want, Hux?" he snarled into the phone and Rey almost died. Of course, it was Hux.

"Yes, I'm busy. What do you want?"

Kylo listened for a second, scowling furiously. Rey might have been more annoyed if she didn't get to enjoy the sight of him shirtless. No man had any right to a body like that, it was pure sin.

"Listen Hux, that's great but I'm really in the middle of something." He glanced at where she was still standing, shirtless and flushed against his door. She could see his eyes darken from where she was standing before he tore his gaze away.

"I know," he sighed. "Does it have to be right now? Won't they reschedule? Yes, I know it's my fucking book but do I have to be there? Can't you represent me or something?"

Apparently, Hux's reply was not the one he wanted to hear. "You have no idea how much I hate you right now," he growled into the phone. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Rey was already grabbing her shirt from the floor as he hung up the phone.

"Business calls?" she asked lightly, her voice husky with arousal.

"A publishing company wants to meet with me about my book. Tonight." His expression was frustrated and apologetic.

"That sounds like a big deal." She was excited for him but probably would have been a little more ecstatic if she wasn't currently turned on beyond belief and fighting the urge to fling herself at him.

"I wouldn't go if it wasn't-"

"You don't have to explain, I get it." And she really did, she wasn't upset. Especially not with his eyes smoldering into her own, telling her just how much he wished he didn't have to leave.

They stared at each other in silence for a second. What was she supposed to say after that? Thanks for the hottest make-out session of my life, sorry you didn't fuck me against the door but I'll just go now. Oh, and if you hear me touching myself in bed later, just ignore it.

"We can talk tomorrow... If you're still planning on coming to the cafe?" she said instead, slipping her shirt over her head.

"I'll be there," he responded, grabbing his own shirt from where it lay in a crumpled heap.

"Okay. Tomorrow then." Rey opened the door to let herself out, glancing over her shoulder one last time. His expression was pained and uncertain as he watched her go.

She couldn't just leave him like that.

Spinning around, she rushed back to him, seeing the surprise on his face as she stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him down a little.

He gripped her waist as she kissed him gently, trying to tell him that everything was okay. More than okay.

Pulling away before it got too intense, she took a deep breath. Kylo looked a little stunned, his pupils huge and dark.

"Tomorrow," she whispered with a grin, stepping out of his hold.

She didn't look back when she left this time.

 _ **Well, that went from zero to one hundred pretty quickly... hormones, am I right? *awkward laugh* I didn't really have a plan for when their first kiss was going to be but they were fighting and Rey got all emotional and then suddenly I was writing this big make-out scene. I blame Kylo and Rey. Hope you guys like it, writing dirty scenes are definitely something I'm not super confident with but I did my best *shrugs* Love you guys!**_


	8. Chapter 8

Waking up the next morning, Rey laid in bed for a few minutes, letting everything sink in. Holy hell, last night... So many things had happened at once. The things about Kylo's past could obviously wait until he was comfortable sharing with her, but when he kissed her- Jesus. It somehow made the weeks of waiting feel worth it.

She remembered the press of his body against her, the hunger and passion that he had kissed and touched her with. Yeah, she definitely hadn't been the only one struggling with restraint for a while.

The thought put a huge grin on her face.

So where did they go now? They clearly needed to talk but what then? Did she invite him in when he walked her home tonight?

Biting her lip, she let herself daydream about that for a minute. She'd been one hundred percent ready to let him take her against his door last night and she didn't feel remotely ashamed. Sure, she was a little embarrassed about how needy she'd been, how quickly she'd begged him to touch her, but he hadn't been complaining. He'd wanted her just as badly, his desperation matching her own.

Though Rey hadn't been in many physical relationships, she had never had the mindset of feeling shame over needing someone, physically or emotionally. It was human nature to crave being close and connected to someone.

Still, she didn't know Kylo's relationship history or what had happened in his past, she should probably take that into consideration before dragging him into her bedroom. Or letting him pick her up and carry her in.

Fuck, now she was imagining it.

Rey flung off her blankets, suddenly feeling flushed. She needed a cold shower.

One cold shower later, she stood in her room, wrapped in a towel. For some reason, she was having a difficult time picking out what to wear.

She sighed. This wasn't her, she wasn't the type of girl to dress up to impress a guy. But, it seemed important that she felt cute today, that she put in some effort. Was it so bad that she wanted Kylo to think she looked pretty?

No, she told herself firmly. There was certainly nothing wrong with that. If she wanted to put some effort into her appearance for him, then she damn well would.

Digging through her closet, she managed to find a cute flowy dress that just screamed spring. Light blue with fluttery sleeves and a scoop neck, it made her feel feminine and delicate but wasn't too fancy for work.

She threw on a little brown belt and some ankle boots to make it more casual. Instead of throwing her hair up as usual, she left it down, curling it slightly to add to the flirty look.

Satisfied that she looked presentable and like she wasn't trying too hard, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

...

Walking into work felt strange, the cafe looking just a little different than how she remembered. It still had the same battered tables and mismatched chairs, the same lights still dangling down all over the place. But after not being in for so long, it felt slightly unfamiliar.

Poe hurried over and hugged her firmly. "Good to see you, girl. Welcome back."

"Thanks. I missed this place."

"And it missed you," he grinned. "Some of the regulars asked where you were and since the attempted break-in was on the news, I figured there was no harm in letting them know that our brave Rey fought off a criminal to defend the cafe."

Rey groaned. "You made this a huge deal, didn't you?"

"You know I did," he responded, grinning mischievously. "I might have let it slip that today was your first day back too so expect a bit of attention."

"Was it really too much to ask for today to just be normal?" She muttered grumpily.

Poe laughed and pulled her in for another hug. "I missed you."

Through the day, several of the regulars showed up, making a big deal when they saw Rey behind the counter. Everyone seemed glad to see she was okay, telling her how brave and courageous she was. Somehow, she didn't think they'd be so impressed to hear that the stray cat did all the work.

Despite being embarrassed by all the attention, it warmed her heart to see so many of their customers obviously concerned for her. When one elderly man brought her a small bouquet of flowers tied together with a piece of twine, flowers he picked from his own garden, as he proudly told her, she had to discreetly wipe her eyes. She set them in a tall glass on the counter for everyone to admire.

As the afternoon dragged on, Rey found herself glancing at the door impatiently. What if Kylo didn't show up? What if he talked himself out of coming and seeing her?

"Finn told me you guys had an argument about your neighbor boy," Poe said from where he was cleaning the coffee maker.

"I didn't realize you guys were talking about me behind my back," she responded, arching a brow at him.

But Poe just shrugged. "He needed some advice. He's worried about you."

"Finn always worries."

Poe finished up with the machine and came to stand next to her. "Listen, it's not my job to fix things between you. I know Finn cares about you and he means well. But, I also know you like Kylo and you've been seeing each other."

Rey stared at him in surprise. "What? How-"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not an idiot. He's here every day, watching you like you're the greatest thing he's ever seen, then hangs around to walk you home. Not to mention the pair of mugs on your counter every time I visited. Oh, and the stack of 80's movies on your coffee table that I know aren't yours. Not very discreet."

She flushed. "I wasn't trying to hide anything. Finn can just be a little overbearing and I didn't want him sticking his nose in this before I even figured out what _this_ is.".

"Fair enough. I'm not here to lecture you about it." Poe paused, thinking for a second. "To be honest, I like Kylo. He cares for you and even though you pretend otherwise, I know you're lonely. I'm glad you have someone to take care of you. You deserve to be happy. But you need to be honest with Finn and just explain that you like Kylo, he loves you enough that he'll get over it."

"I know he will," Rey sighed. "I just hate that I have to explain myself to him, that he can't just trust my judgment."

"You're the most important thing in Finn's life. That means he's going to be a little illogical and overprotective when it comes to you. If anything, you should feel fortunate to have someone in your life who loves you enough to drive you crazy," he pointed out, smiling softly.

There was a moment of thoughtful silence between them as Rey pondered what he said. Poe was right, she hadn't really been mad at Finn anyways, but it was hard to not get aggravated with him. He still viewed her as a kid that needed protecting.

"So, you guys have sex yet?" Poe asked suddenly.

She let out a snort of laughter. Should have seen that one coming a mile away.

"Sorry to disappoint, but no."

"Girl, you need to try harder. I would have pulled him into bed weeks ago." Poe got a wicked look on his face. "He's just so big, I feel like he would just pick you up and move you around..." he trailed off suggestively.

Rey felt herself blush. He was more right than he knew.

He eyed her red face while she avoided eye contact. "I know that look, you minx. You totally slept with him, you rotten little liar!"

Kill her now. Poe was like a bloodhound when it came to things she didn't want to tell him. "No I didn't... but there might have been some kissing. Possibly a little groping."

He gasped. "Spill right now."

She quickly gave him the condensed PG-13 version of what happened last night. Though she was giving him a hard time, it felt great to vent to someone and get it off her chest. Poe was the perfect person as he was unfailingly unjudgemental and always got excited for her.

When she finished, he fanned himself. "Damn, I wouldn't have thought Kylo had it in him. It's always the quiet ones." He gave her a knowing look. "He coming in today?"

"He said he would," Rey replied, glancing at the door again.

"Well, the offer to let you use the back closet as your secret sex room still stands," he offered, laughing when she gave him a disgusted look.

...

When Kylo finally came in, he was almost half an hour late. Half an hour Rey spent convincing herself that he had changed his mind and wasn't coming. She cursed herself for bothering to look nice, that was probably what had jinxed it.

Then he showed up at the counter, a bouquet of daisies in one hand, a hesitant expression on his face. As usual, he was in all black, hair messy in a way that just made Rey's hands itch to run through it. Their eyes met and a jolt went through her.

"Well hello there, loverboy," Poe cooed from where he leaned near the register. "Are those for me?"

"Uh..." Kylo looked like he was about to hand the flowers over just so he wouldn't have to come up with a response. Pink patches appeared on his cheekbones.

"Leave him alone," Rey scolded, nudging Poe to the side and giving him a meaningful look. "We're you going to see if we had more caramel sauce in the back?"

"Oh you're no fun," he whined, but disappeared in the back, giving Kylo and her some privacy.

"Sorry about that," she apologized, tucking her hair behind her ear. "He thinks he's funny."

Kylo shook his head, eyes lingering as he glanced over her. "It's fine, he's a nice guy." He held out the bouquet awkwardly. "These are for you. For your first day back."

She took the flowers from him, admiring the vibrant colors and lush looking petals. "Thank you. You remembered daisies are my favorite." She couldn't help but be surprised, she had mentioned it to him only once before.

He shrugged but looked pleased. "It looks like someone beat me to it," he said, gesturing to the flowers sitting in a glass on the counter.

She laughed, grabbing another tall grass from under the counter and filling it with water. "They're from one of our regulars, a sweet older guy. He wanted to congratulate me on kicking that robber's ass. Surprisingly bloodthirsty, that one."

Smirking, he watched as she undid the wrapping around the bouquet. She could feel his eyes on her as she bent down to throw it away under the counter. Once the daisies were in the glass, she positioned them on the counter with a smile.

"Thank you, they're beautiful," she said honestly and he flushed. "Did you want the usual?" she asked, already reaching for his mug.

"Please." He stuffed a tip in the jar, hesitating when he turned to head to his table.

"Something else?" she questioned, pausing to face him.

"No... it's just- I, uh... you look lovely in blue," he finally got out, clumsily complimenting her.

It was so sweet and unexpected. She would have never thought the word "lovely" would come out of his mouth.

Rey felt herself blushing. "Oh... thank you. I like blue," she said lamely, wanting to punch herself. One compliment and she's reduced to an idiot who can't form complex sentences.

They stood there smiling at each other for a second, both a little embarrassed.

"I'm going to go sit down now," Kylo finally said, laughing self-consciously, running a hand through his hair. He walked to his usual table, sitting down and pulling out his battered journal.

Poe reappeared, raising his eyebrows. "You've got that poor boy wrapped around your finger," he muttered, eyeing her flowers.

She rolled her eyes at him, making Kylo's tea then heading over to his table.

"You were a little late today," she commented as she set his drink down, hoping she didn't sound accusing. It wasn't his fault she'd spent the last half an hour worrying.

"I stood outside for a while trying to muster up the courage to come in," he admitted, give her a sheepish look.

Rey grinned at his honesty, pleased she wasn't the only one feeling a little out of her element.

"Do I make you nervous?" she teased, cocking her head playfully.

He studied her, eyes lingering on her mouth. "Among other things," he finally said.

She had a feeling both of their minds went straight to what happened last night. Her skin flushed.

"How did the meeting with the publishing company go last night?" she asked, trying to diffuse the tension between them. Something told her Poe wouldn't be very happy if they jumped each other in the middle of the cafe.

"Oh, it went well actually. They said they'd like to publish my book," he replied casually, like this wasn't a huge deal.

"Kylo! Holly hell, congrats!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe you didn't tell me right away, that's amazing."

"I've had a lot on my mind," he muttered.

Rey knew the feeling. "We obviously have some things to talk about," she started, glancing over her shoulder at the counter. "Things we can't really discuss right now. Are you going to walk home with me?"

Kylo's eyes darkened. "As if I'd let you walk by yourself."

Silly, overprotective man. She knew she would appreciate his company when they walked home in the dark though.

"Well, we can talk on the walk back, yeah?"

He smiled, nodding in agreement. Though he said he had been nervous, he looked more at ease now that they were talking, something she was thankful for. He hadn't come in oozing of regret or looking like he was having second thoughts, so that was something.

...

The hours dragged by. Rey lost count of how many times she would look up and find Kylo watching her. He was unusually bold, usually holding her gaze for a few solid seconds before looking away with his lips curled slightly in the corner.

When it came time to close, he promised to be waiting in the alley for her then left while she and Poe tidied up.

Standing near the back door while Poe set the alarm, her stomach twisted anxiously. He opened the door to the dark alley and she felt her breath catch reflexively.

 _Calm down_ , she told herself sternly. _You're fine_.

But when Poe held the door open and she went to step outside, she froze. All of the usual shadows suddenly looked like the perfect hiding places, deeper and darker than normal.

"Rey?" she heard Poe ask, but it sounded distant, like an echo from down a tunnel.

Her throat went tight. She recognized the feelings of panic but knowing didn't make it hers to control.

"Rey." Kylo's deep voice sounded next to her, his hand suddenly supporting her firmly under her arm. "Deep breaths. You're okay, I've got you."

"I'm fine," she said automatically, tearing her gaze away from the shadowy end of the alley. "Subconscious reaction."

She could feel his eyes on her face but she closed her own, taking a deep cleansing breath, focusing on channeling the fear out of her body. Her hands were shaking a bit so she curled them into fists.

"I'm okay," she told Kylo and Poe, both watching her quietly. "I wasn't expecting to be so spooked, caught me off guard." She smiled at them ruefully.

Kylo was hovering over her, hands slightly up like he was ready to grab her if she pitched over.

"Let's go," she told him firmly, taking a few steps outside.

Poe shut the door behind her, giving her another concerned look, mouth downturned in the corners. But all he said was, "Good night, honey. See you tomorrow."

"Good night," she called back, already hurrying towards the front of the cafe and the safety of the streetlight. Once in the open street and light, she felt the band around her chest loosen.

Kylo stood with her for a second while she rode the last wave of jitters. She didn't apologize, knowing he would understand. She stopped saying sorry long ago for things that weren't under her control.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I kind of miss that cat," Kylo said after a minute.

"Me too," Rey admitted. "Hopefully he goes to a nice family who loves him like he deserves." It made her sad to think she wouldn't see him anymore but he didn't belong on the streets. She would have considered taking him but her apartment didn't allow pets.

"Even though he's a stray and no one wanted him in the first place?" Kylo asked, looking at her strangely.

"Even strays are worthy of love," she responded without hesitation. "And we don't know his original family abandoned him. Maybe he ran away or got lost. Maybe they've wanted him back this whole time."

He looked away, letting out an unconvinced sounding grunt. Rey didn't push it.

"Come on," she said, taking off down the street slowly. He joined her and they walked side by side for a minute in silence.

Feeling bold, Rey reached over and took his hand, giving him a smile when he jolted in surprise. It took him a second but he wrapped his fingers around hers, warm and firm.

"So..." she said, reveling in the feeling of walking down a quiet street with Kylo's hand in hers.

"So?" he asked innocently and she laughed.

"Fine, I'll go first, you coward," she teased. "We should talk about a few things but first, I should probably point out that I like you. I mean, obviously, I like you. A lot."

"I like you too," he said quietly, and when she peeked over, his cheeks were pink.

There was something so juvenile yet perfect about them holding hands and shyly saying they liked each other. It made her want to laugh that they went from kissing and grinding against a door to this, but it was so fitting.

"I just... I haven't really done something like this," Kylo said. "I mean, I haven't really dated or anything. There've been women before, but no one I've really liked enough to have a relationship with." He kept his eyes on the ground, obviously feeling self-conscious.

Rey wasn't above feeling jealous at the thought of him with other women. She wasn't surprised, with his looks, women probably pursued him like crazy. But the fact that he was putting her above all of them, saying he liked and cared enough about her to want something more made her heart stutter in her chest.

"It's just- I don't really know how to do this," he continued. "I don't know how to..." He gestured between them.

She squeezed his hand and he finally met her eyes. "We can figure it out together," she told him.

Instead of looking happy though, he frowned, his brows furrowing. "There are things you don't know about me," he muttered. "I'm not good at this sort of thing, being close to someone. I always ruin good things."

He looked so vulnerable, shoulders curled in protectively, telling her this in such a raw and honest voice, like he really believed them. Like he was trying to talk her out of wanting to be with him because he cared about her.

"You don't have to tell me anything until you're ready, I know enough about you to care for you," Rey told him. She stopped, tugging on his hand until he looked at her. "And so far, all you've done is make me the happiest I've been in a long time. You took care of me while I was injured, given me something to look forward to at work every day, walk me home so I'm not alone in the dark. You've made me addicted to your cooking, asked me more questions about myself than anyone ever has, and introduced me to all the amazing movies the 80s has to offer." She giggled when he smiled at that. "That doesn't seem like you're ruining anything, now does it?"

Kylo flushed but he looked pleased.

"I guess not," he responded, clearly unsure of how to take the compliment. She couldn't help but wonder when the last time was that someone told him he'd done something right.

They walked in a thoughtful silence, Rey letting him think things over as they reached their apartment building and made their way to their floor.

At her door, she turned to face him, stomach jittery with anticipation.

"I really like you," he finally said, eyes a soft brown. "It's hard for me to even understand how this happened but I'd hate myself if I didn't give it a shot. If there was ever someone worth trying for, it's you."

Her cheeks hurt from the force of her grin. "Okay then. Why don't we just see where this takes us, no pressure or anything."

He smiled back at her, letting go of her to settle his hands gently on her waist. She could feel the heat of them through the thin fabric of her dress.

"No pressure. Except trying to win over an insanely beautiful girl who's way out of my league. Yeah, no pressure at all," he murmured, leaning in, his scent washing over her.

"You could start by kissing me," she whispered huskily.

Kylo didn't hesitate, arms wrapping around her to pull her close and bending down to kiss her. His lips were soft, kissing her sweetly and gently, like she was something precious.

Rey slid her hands up his arms, feeling the corded strength in them, raising up on her tiptoes to twine her fingers in his hair. She pressed herself against him, wanting as much of him touching her as she could get.

His tongue swiped at her lips and she opened her mouth, moaning softly. He set her on fucking fire.

The kiss was quickly turning passionate, both of them giving into the need. One of his hands slipped down to stroke her thigh and a shiver worked its way down her spine. His rough fingers making teasing circles against her bare skin made her buck slightly against him, hips rubbing against the front of his jeans.

He pulled away, nipping at her bottom lip, sending a bolt of heat to her core. She loved how he looked after kissing her, lips red and swollen, hair mussed, eyes so dark they were almost black. He looked like pure sin.

Rey pulled his face down so she could kiss his jaw, tasting his skin with her tongue. He shuddered when she kissed the sensitive spot right where his jaw met his neck.

"Fuck, Rey," he groaned hotly in her ear. "You need to stop or I'm going to take you inside."

"Is that a bad thing?" she purred, thinking that sounded like a great idea.

Kylo sighed, the air stirring her hair. "I'd like to take you on a date or something. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

Rey giggled at the helpless tone in his voice. He was so adorable sometimes.

She took a step back, untangling her fingers from his hair. "You want to take me on a date?"

He nodded, looking delectably rumpled. "I do. Is that okay?"

"Yes, it's more than okay." Kylo Ren, reclusive hermit, and all around socially awkward guy wanted to take her out on a date. She felt stunned and touched.

"I have no idea what we're doing," he chuckled. "But how about your next day off?"

She would have skipped work the next day if he'd asked. "Sounds perfect," she breathed, watching his eyes light up. One day, he'd stop being so surprised when she said yes.

"Since you're trying to be honorable," she teased, "I'm going inside before I start kissing you again."

"I'm suddenly regretting saying anything," he grumbled jokingly.

"Good night, Kylo," Rey laughed, letting herself into her apartment. She didn't want to leave, more than anything she wanted to invite him inside and stay up with him all night. But if he wanted a date, they'd go on a damn date. Who was she kidding, she wanted to go too. The thought of going out with him made her giddy with excitement.

"Sleep well," he said, watching her until the door closed between them.

 ** _Sorry this ended up taking me so long to finish, this week was hectic and it was hard to find time to write. This chapter ended up being full of lots of talking, hopefully no one minded. Their date will be next chapter, any guesses as to what they'll be doing? These dorks make my heart melt. As always, a million thanks for all of the amazing feedback, you guys have no idea how much it means to me 3_**


	9. Chapter 9

Rey had already been awake for several hours and so far, all she'd accomplished was cleaning her apartment like a maniac and wearing down her carpet with all of her pacing. Thanks to Kylo's nightmares, she'd woken up way too early and been too restless to go back to sleep. Tonight was her date and she was finding herself unexpectedly nervous.

It was mostly just that she hadn't been out with Kylo, anywhere other than the cafe. Maybe this thing between them was going well because they were in a private bubble of their own. The real world always had a way of ruining things.

It wasn't just that she was anxious about the date though; what Finn had said about Kylo kept bouncing around in her head.

She had told him that his past was none of her business and she meant it. There were so many things that she hadn't told Kylo, things she hadn't even told Finn. She wanted to trust the Kylo she knew and had come to care about. But, could she really be okay with not knowing, constantly wondering what had happened? She'd been disappointed by people so many times in her life, had learned early on that you couldn't trust appearances. It was usually the families that welcomed her with warm and open arms, who made her think she could belong there, that hurt her the most in the end.

Rey paused, glancing at where her laptop sat on the table, search window open. She'd started typing Kylo's real name twice, only to stop and berate herself for being a horrible person. She couldn't give him a speech about trusting him and not needing to know his past then turn around and snoop.

She paced more, trying to work it out in her head. He had attacked someone, that was the thing that was really getting to her. Not even that it had been someone, but that it had been a "defenseless old man" according to Finn. Her mind was flying all over the place, jumping to ridiculous conclusions. Finn had said he was the governor, maybe he was trying to sabotage Leia's campaign or something. Maybe he was secretly a dirty politician and Kylo found out.

Those were things from the movies, stuff like that didn't happen in real life. But, she knew it would drive her crazy, that she'd keep wondering about it and imagining crazy scenarios.

Rey bit her lip. She would give herself ten minutes to search online and if she hadn't found anything by then, that was that.

Hurrying over to her laptop, she sat down and typed in "Ben Solo", holding her breath as the page loaded.

Immediately, articles popped up about where he had been the last few years and the scandal at the political dinner. A huge part of Rey didn't want to look at it. She'd been lucky enough to not have her personal life smeared all over the paper, a luxury she had never thought about before now.

She ended up clicking on an article from several years earlier.

Scanning quickly, it confirmed what Finn had told her. Apparently, according to several eyewitness accounts, Kylo, or Ben, had gone over to speak with Governor Snoke and they had a conversation for a few minutes. Kylo had gotten increasingly agitated looking before unexpectedly jumping him, punching him repeatedly. One witness said, "he was like a wild animal, totally savage".

Rey swallowed heavily and kept reading.

Apparently, it had taken several people to pull him off of the governor and he had to be forcefully removed from the venue.

Senator Organa-Solo had spoken with the news, saying her son was recovering from personal issues and though the attack had been unprovoked, they were thankful Governor Snoke wouldn't be pressing charges.

The writer pointed out that Governor Snoke had been a long time friend and supporter of Senator Organa-Solo, making the attack that much more intriguing.

Scrolling down farther, there was a picture of Kylo with his arm around his mother and another man who must have been his father. They looked stiff and formal, dressed in fancy clothing and fake smiles. Kylo looking beyond uncomfortable and almost sickly, with dark circles under his eyes, expression lifeless.

The next picture was of Governor Snoke. Rey chewed her lip as she studied the picture. She recognized him, having probably seen him on the TV before. He certainly was older, bald and wrinkled around eyes and mouth. But he stood straight, confidence oozing off of him. He was probably used to putting on a strong image in the media.

Still, what had possessed Kylo to attack him like that? Something more had been going on here.

According to the article, Ben Solo had disappeared after that. A popular theory seemed to be that he had been institutionalized for a mental break. But his mother refused to comment, saying the family needed their privacy. She obviously hadn't made it public knowledge that he'd ran away or that she was searching for him.

Rey scrolled back up to the picture of the family, studying Kylo intently. He looked like he'd been through hell and back, pale and thin, unhealthy looking. And his eyes were dark and shadowed.

Closing her laptop firmly, Rey leaned back in her chair, letting out a breath. She'd seen enough and now she felt grimy. Looking had only given her more questions. But could she risk asking Kylo for the truth? More importantly, could she fully give into her feelings for him if she was constantly waiting for his past to come up and shove them apart?

Huffing, she pulled out her phone and called Finn. He answered on the second ring.

"Rey?" he asked, sounding tentatively hopeful.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" she asked him, biting her thumb nervously.

"Always for you."

She couldn't help but smile. "I wanted to apologize for kicking you out the other day. I know you were just trying to look out for me and I was a bit of a bitch."

Finn sighed, the sound loud through the phone. "I should be apologizing, I shouldn't have confronted Kylo like that. I wasn't expecting him to be at your apartment so I freaked a bit."

"Finn... we're seeing each other. Kylo and I." Rey held her breath.

There was a brief pause. "I suppose I should have guessed."

"Listen, I know you aren't happy about it but I like him. He's a good guy, despite what you might have seen. You know I'm a good judge of people so please, trust me."

Finn hesitated again. "I do trust you, you know that. I just also know you have a soft spot for broken things and can get caught up in wanting to help."

And there was the problem. Was Kylo clouding her judgment because she was caught up in wanting to help him? And wanting to be with him.

"I know I do," Rey admitted softly. "And I do want to help Kylo, but it's more than that. He just..." She didn't know how to explain the connection she felt to him, the way he really saw her, on the inside.

"You don't have to explain, not to me."

Rey appreciated that because she wasn't sure if she would have been able to. A few seconds of silence went by while she debated how to bring up the next matter.

"Is there another reason you called me?" Finn finally asked, knowing her too well.

"I was actually hoping you could help me with something. I need advice but it's about Kylo..."

"Go ahead," Finn said, sounding defeated. They both knew he wouldn't say no.

Rey quickly explained her situation with Kylo, how she had told him his past didn't matter but she had looked into it and now had more questions. She told Finn she trusted him but knew her mind would conjure up the worst and she didn't want that eating away at her. Though she didn't voice her own fears and insecurities about this situation, she knew she didn't have to. Finn understood better than anyone.

"So what do you think I should do?" she finished, rubbing her forehead. "Do I ask him and make myself look awful or do I just try to wait and see if he'll tell me in his own time?"

Her phone was silent for a minute while Finn thought it out.

"You gotta understand, I don't know the guy at all. You know I always think honesty is the right choice, especially with something like this. And you know you're not going to be able to relax until you get what you need from him to put your own insecurities to rest. There's no shame in needing that."

"I know," Rey groaned.

"I know you know. Which probably means you called me because you wanted me to tell you talking to him is the right decision." He didn't sound judgemental, just slightly amused.

"I hate you for knowing me so well sometimes," Rey huffed, knowing he was right. She needed to talk to Kylo, no matter what she told him. It wasn't a matter of trust, it was a matter of her not wanting it to get in the way of their potential relationship. She didn't want to let the past get in the way of their future.

Finn chuckled, the sound warm even through the phone. "You love me. Good luck on your date, call me if you need anything."

"Okay, dad," she teased, then hung up.

Well shit. Deciding she was going to talk with him didn't make her feel any less conflicted. How was she supposed to bring it up? It's not like she could just go, "Oh hey, Kylo... so about your past that I said doesn't matter, yeah, I'm gonna have to retract that earlier statement. Mind telling me why you beat up the governor?"

Ugh, now was not the time to be figuring this out. She had a date later and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin their first time out together.

Rey could feel the anxiety building in her. She didn't want to fret about the situation, knowing she would figure it out when the time came, but it was hard when she liked Kylo so much. Finn had really helped her realize that not everyone who loved her left her, that she wasn't garbage to be abandoned. But that gross anxious feeling always ate away at her when she started to care for someone. Like it was only a matter of time before something went wrong and they left her. Except for this time, she knew exactly what it was that could make Kylo go.

She ran through some of her deep breathing exercises, trying to envision a positive outcome, like her old therapist had taught her. That and reminding herself of all the things she had to offer the person she was afraid would leave.

 _We will go on this date and have a great time,_ she told herself _. I'll make him laugh at my bad jokes and I'll look pretty enough that he'll notice and give me another charmingly awkward compliment. We'll come back and have a night of amazing sex and afterward, he'll tell me all about his past so I won't even have to ask. And if he doesn't, I'll ask myself because I'm honest and strong and he knows that and likes me anyway._

Giggling a little self consciously, Rey shook her head but felt better. It was hard to not feel a little silly but laughing at herself always dissipated a bit of the anxiety.

Standing and stretching, she glanced at the clock. Kylo had told her to be ready around four so she still had several hours before she needed to even think about getting ready.

She had plenty of time for an absurdly long, hot shower then.

...

Kylo knocked on her door a few minutes before four but Rey had been ready for an hour. She had no idea what they were doing so she dressed casually with a little flair; dark skinny jeans, a cream lace top, floral print flats, hair loose with a few flower pins. From the approving look he gave her when she opened the door, she figured she'd chosen right.

"Hey," she said, sounding a little breathless despite having just been pacing around her kitchen.

Kylo gave her his small smile that had just a tinge of nervousness in it. He looked great as always, black jeans, a black and gray flannel over a charcoal colored shirt. Something about the way his flannel was rolled up to his elbows, showing off his firm forearms, made her mouth go dry.

"So where exactly are we going?" she asked as she locked up her apartment and tucked her keys into her purse, letting him lead her down the stairs.

"Well, I've never really taken anyone on a date before," he said, shooting her a look over his shoulder. "I thought I could just take you to a few of my favorite places in the city. If you're okay with that?" he added in, looking uncertain.

"That's perfect," she reassured him as they headed to the parking lot. She meant it. Nothing could be better than getting a glimpse into his world and him sharing something so private with her.

She followed him over to a glossy black car, snorting.

"Of course your car is black," she teased when he gave her a curious look.

"Surely you didn't expect me to drive something obnoxious looking," he said, getting into the driver's seat, watching as she climbed in.

"Colors outside of black and gray aren't obnoxious, they're cheerful." His car smelled like him, clean and masculine, and she was unsurprised to see it was spotless.

Kylo made a face, pulling out of his space. "We can just agree to disagree on this one."

Rey grinned. "People only say that when they don't have an argument. Which means I win."

A rumbling laugh escaped him. "Sure, whatever you say."

They chatted as he drove them deeper into the city, an area Rey wasn't that familiar with. Since she didn't have a car, she didn't often travel farther than she could comfortably walk. The atmosphere between them was comfortable and she found that she was already having a good time, her nervousness melting away.

Eventually, he turned down a street and parked in front of a few small stores. Rey got out of the car and glanced around curiously. They were on a quiet side street next to a bakery, a bookstore, and a consignment shop.

Kylo headed towards the bookstore, pausing to make sure she was following.

"I suppose I should have guessed, with you being a writer and all," she said with a wink, stepped around him when he held the door open.

The bookstore was so lovely and unexpected that her breath caught when she walked inside. Wide windows let in the warm afternoon light, illuminating cluttered bookshelves that lined the walls from floor to ceiling. It smelled like lavender and ink, a curved stairwell leaned up to a second level.

"You've never really mentioned if you enjoy reading so I wasn't sure if you'd like coming here," Kylo quietly said from behind her.

"I wish I read more, I loved it when I was a kid," she admitted, eyes scanning the shelves. "I don't think I'd know where to start, there's so many."

When he remained silent, she spun around to look at him. "Will you show me your favorite section?"

He looked around, then shook his head. "There's too many to pick just one," he admitted, smiling when she laughed.

"Then show me all."

He did, taking her to all the corners of the store, watching as she picked her way through the shelves, pointing out authors or books he'd enjoyed. She finally got him to admit he wrote science fiction and after she teased him about being a nerd, they went over to that section and he showed her his favorite books. Picking a few that sounded good, she tucked them under an arm, letting him lead her to the next section.

Eventually, they ended up on the second level, and Kylo pulled her over to a faded green loveseat tucked at the end of an aisle.

"This is my favorite place," he told her, sitting down with a content expression. "The owner doesn't mind if you hang out and read so I've spent hours in here before. It's quiet and usually empty."

Rey joined him, their thighs nearly touching. "It's so cozy in here, I understand why you love it. You might have to fight me for this spot from now on."

Kylo didn't look too bothered by the thought.

"So, what do you like about these ones so much?" Rey asked, gesturing to the stack of three books she'd grabbed, ones he'd pointed out as his favorites. The summaries all sounded interesting and though Rey had never been into science fiction much, she was genuinely intrigued.

He grabbed the top book off of the stack, flipping it open. "I'll show you," he murmured, scanning the pages quickly, seeming to know exactly what he was looking for.

Clearing his throat quietly once he found the page, he glanced at her then began to read. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

His voice was quiet but clear, entrancing her. The words rolled smoothly off of his tongue, sounding almost lyrical. She could hear it in his voice that this particular passage had stuck with him, meant something important to him.

"That's beautiful," she murmured once he finished. "Keep going."

His cheeks flushed slightly, pink spots appearing, but flipped to another page.

They sat there together, him reading out loud to her quietly, her eyes closed as she let the words surround her. He read passages from each of the books, flipping immediately to the page he was looking for. He was sharing something special with her and she savored every moment of it.

"I'm getting them all," she declared once he'd finished reading from the final book and she picked them up, holding them protectively against her chest.

He chuckled, brown eyes warm. "Looks like I'm converting you already."

"Well, I did call dibs on the first copy of your book," she replied. "I'd better get familiar with the genre so I can fully enjoy it."

"You'll be an expert before you know it," he promised.

Rey reached over to grab his hand where it rested on his leg. "Thank you for bringing me here," she said sincerely. Leaning over, she pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.

She could feel him holding his breath as she pulled away until their faces were just a few inches apart. His eyes flicked down to her mouth as she licked her lips automatically.

She wasn't sure who leaned in but suddenly they were kissing. His hands came up to cradle her face as he kissed her deeply, thoroughly, like he wanted to memorize the feeling of her mouth against his. His thumb brushed the sensitive spot in the corner of her jaw and hot tingles slid down her spine.

Her books fell off her lap as she leaned in but they bother ignored the sound of them hitting the ground. Rey sucked his full bottom lips between hers and he groaned low in his throat, the sound making her thighs clench.

Desire hit Rey like a tidal wave, washing over every inch of her. Something about Kylo just fucking wrecked her, made her lose all sense.

One of his hands left her face to grip her waist and pull her over to him. She climbed onto his lap, feeling naughty and unbearably aroused. They were in a public bookstore, the sound of their breathing filling the silence. Anyone could walk over and see them but Rey didn't care. It strangely added to the excitement.

She plunged her hands into his soft, dark hair, tilting his head back so she could kiss him harder. They tongues twisted together, slick and hot. Settling firmly in his lap, she rocked against him, feeling his erection pressing against jeans.

"Fuck, Rey," he gasped into her mouth, fingers digging into her flesh through her clothes.

Hearing her name leave his lips, filled with such obvious need... her skin felt like it had burst into flames. She burned so hotly for him. Rocking harder against him, she moaned quietly, wanting him to feel what he did to her. It thrilled her to feel his cock straining against the fabric of his pants, the fact that just a few layers were separating her from riding him.

The loud thump of someone dropping a book downstairs had them jerking apart.

Once Rey realized no one was coming to scold them, she giggled at the dazed yet alarmed expression on Kylo's face.

"That escalated quickly," she whispered, leaning her forehead against his briefly.

"We seem to have that problem a lot," he said wryly.

She laughed again, shaking on top of him. "We're awful," she gasped out. "Worse than teenagers."

Kylo joined in, his laughter soft. "I'm pretty sure you started that one. I take no responsibility."

Rey jokingly punched his arm, climbing off of him on unsteady feet, straightening her clothes while he watched her with hot eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that," she muttered, bending down to pick up her books.

"Like what?" he asked innocently, ignoring the pointed look she gave him.

They lingered for a minute, trying to let the tension between them dissipate before heading back downstairs. Kylo bought her books for her, ignoring her protests, just holding them above his head where she couldn't reach, watching with cool amusement while she tried to jump for them. Scowling, she crossed her arms and gave up, letting him pay.

Next, he took her to a small Thai restaurant a few streets down. The older woman at the counter obviously recognized him, giving him a huge smile and bringing his drink without having to ask. The restaurant was small and intimate, filled with mouthwatering smells. They picked a small table by the window, watching cars drive by as Kylo told her how he'd found this place a few months back and tried to eat here at least once a week. He explained that he'd gone to Thailand when he was a kid and fallen love with the country and the food. He promised that the food here was about as authentic as it got.

Rey let Kylo order several different things, the table filled with plates of delicious looking food once it was all brought out. She tried everything, falling in love with fresh flavors and the spice that nipped at her tongue.

He watched her try everything, offering her bites from the plates closest to him, eyes lighting up every time she groaned delightedly and went in for a second taste.

By the time they were done, Rey swore she couldn't eat another bite. Then, the woman brought out sticky rice with mango and it turned out, she did have room for more.

"On the house," she told Kylo, patting him sweetly on the cheek, completely ignoring his uncomfortable look, giving Rey a warm smile.

"You're going to have to carry me out of here," Rey groaned, leaning back in her chair as he chased the last piece of mango around the plate with his fork.

"No collapsing on me yet, we still have one place left to go."

She let out an exaggerated huff. "I think you're trying to kill me. Death by overly amazing date. Not a horrible way to go, I suppose."

Kylo ducked his head, eyes on the table. "You're having a good time, then?" he asked shyly.

This poor guy. It was literally impossible for him to believe that he was doing anything right. But his lack of self-confidence always ended up being unbearably cute rather than irritating. Seeing such uncertainty and vulnerability on a man so intimidating looking was just... she didn't have words to describe it.

"I'm having a great time," she assured him. The smile he gave her lit up the restaurant.

They paid the bill and left. Rey was so full and content, her cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling.

Kylo took them to a small park that she hadn't even known had existed, the setting sun turning the sky a beautiful soft orange with streaks of pink. The park had a cobblestone path lined with benches that wrapped around a small pond and she could hear quacking ducks. Several people sat on benches or wandered around the area but it was mostly empty.

Rey found herself looking at Kylo curiously. He always seemed so dark and brooding, but the places he'd taken her to today, his favorite places, had all been surprisingly light and lovely. They all had a soft sort of magic to them, exuding serenity and warmth.

They held hands and walked around the pond, Rey nearly exploding with excitement when Kylo pulled a baggie of breadcrumbs out of his pocket for her to throw to the ducks. He watched her, his brown eyes a soft velvet color, chuckling when she asked him for the tenth time if he saw the ducks eating the crumbs she threw.

Once the baggie was empty, they went back to walking around, enjoying the last warmth of the sun. Rey had been having a wonderful time but the thoughts of Kylo's past kept nagging her in the back of her mind., This was exactly what she hadn't wanted, for it to taint their time together. She knew she should just ask, just get it off of her chest and out into the air. But was now a good time, while they were on a date?

There will always be an excuse not to bring it up, she told herself firmly. Better to just be honest.

They were on the far end of the pond, the ducks swimming around lazily, a cool breeze rustling the leaves of the trees.

"Kylo, I wanted to talk to you about something," Rey finally said, forcing down the nervousness that made her throat tighten. "I was hoping we could talk about what happened on the night Finn mentioned."

She felt him physically stiffen, hand tightening around hers briefly. "What do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

"It's just- I was hoping you'd explain to me what happened between you and Governor Snoke. Why you attacked him." Her chest felt tight and she was too nervous to look at him.

"How did you know it was him?" Kylo asked lowly, pulling his hand away. Rey felt the loss of his warmth immediately. "Did you go and talk to Finn about me more? Ask him for details or something?"

"No, no, it's not like that. I wasn't talking about you behind your back," Rey explained quickly. "I just looked you up quickly and-"

She knew instantly she'd made a mistake when he flinched away. "You looked me up? Why would you do that? You told me my past was my business, that it didn't matter!"

"It is your business and I meant that!" Rey could feel desperation rising in her chest, the need to make him understand that she just had to know his attack had been justified, that she was right about thinking he wasn't dangerous. All she needed was to hear him say it. "I just wanted to- I needed to-"

The look on his face was pure betrayal. They were stopped in the middle of the path, his hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched in. She could only imagine the look on her face. This had been such a mistake, she shouldn't have brought it up now.

"You just what, Rey? You wanted to see if I was a monster like Finn said?"

"I know you aren't!" she cried.

His lips pressed together in a hard white line. "You said you knew me, that you trusted me. Was that a lie or did something change?"

"I do trust you, Kylo. And I meant what I said. But now that we are... together, I have to know that I'm not being stupid. Do you understand? I know that I can't always trust my own judgment. I need you to help me, just give me some information so I can put the pieces together."

The look he gave her was so cold that she felt her insides ice over. "So what, it's fine if I'm a monster while we're friends but you have higher standards for the men you let into your bed? Is that it?"

Tears of frustration gathered in the corners of her eyes. "You know that's not it."

"Then what? You want me to say that Snoke deserved it? That what I did was actually something noble?" Kylo stepped close to her so he towered over her and she had to lean her head back to look him in the eyes. "You want me to make you feel better about who I am? Fine. Yes, he deserved it, he deserved every hit and every ounce of pain that I gave him. But don't think it was for some noble cause, it was all for me."

Hearing him say it didn't change a thing. She had known, had known from the second she saw the picture of him, so clearly damaged when he was younger. It was the face of someone who was close to snapping, to just giving in and letting the darkness destroy them.

"Do you feel better now?" he asked darkly.

"Kylo-" she started then stopped, trying to find the words. "I didn't want to make you share anything you weren't ready to-"

His face was impassive, a perfectly constructed mask. "That's exactly what you wanted. You didn't even give me a chance to tell you myself. It looks like you couldn't trust me in that either."

Rey wanted to argue but he was right. She had gone on about trust and then thrown it back in his face. She let her own insecurities, her need to be reassured, her fear of being disappointed yet again, get to her and she took it out on him. Instead of trusting her heart, she'd second-guessed and made this all about her.

An apology rose in her throat but Kylo just shook his head and sighed, looking like his heart had been crushed.

"Let's just go," he muttered, walking back towards the car.

He didn't look back once to make sure she was following.

 _ **Longest chapter yet, woo! Sorry this one took so long, I've been insanely busy lately and struggling to find time to write. I hope I did a good job of explaining Rey's inner conflict here, sometimes it's hard for me to put stuff like that into words even if it makes perfect sense in my head. They are both such sad little beans, I wanna hug them. And I wanted this chapter to kind of show that even though Kylo's struggle and past is a big part of this story, Rey has her own issues to live with. Neither of them is perfect and they both need healing. Anyways, thanks guys!**_


	10. Chapter 10

Rey felt wrecked at work the next day, going through the motions of her job like a zombie. She had messed up so badly and she wasn't sure how to fix it.

Kylo had driven them back to the apartment last night in silence, hardly even acknowledging her existence. She'd tried to think of a way to explain, to apologize to him, but before she knew it, they were back at their apartment building. She followed him out of the car, cringing when he slammed his door a little harder than necessary. He'd stiffly held the door to the stairs open for her, not looking at her the whole time.

On their landing, she'd tried to say something, only managing to get his name out before he swept by her, going into his apartment and closing the door behind him without a word.

The hurt on his face had hit her like a physical blow when he passed her.

In bed, she'd tossed and turned all night, listening to Kylo do the same on the other side of the wall. The space separating them felt large than ever.

And now at work, the usual time he showed up at had come and gone and there was still no sign of him. She wasn't sure if she had really expected him to show up in the first place but his absence still sent a spike of pain through her chest.

Her face must have given away exactly how she was feeling because Poe hadn't bothered to ask how their date had gone, just gave her a warm hug and a kiss on top of her head. He must have said something to Finn over the phone because she'd already gotten three texts from him saying he was here if she wanted to talk and that he loved her. She hadn't responded to any yet.

A little after six, Poe came wandering out of his office, looking apprehensive as he approached her at the front counter.

"What?" she asked tiredly, just wanting to go home and crawl into bed. Or go march up to Kylo's door, knock it down and beg for his forgiveness. Or punch him for not letting her explain. Her emotions were currently bouncing all over the place.

"I just got a call from Kylo," he said, and Rey's heart leaped for a second then deflated as he continued. "He wanted to make sure I could give you a ride home tonight since he wouldn't be here to walk you."

"Oh." Rey looked away, picking at the counter. Of course, he had to still be a good guy, his concern for her safety obviously outweighing his desire to pretend she didn't exist anymore. It just made her feel worse.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head, feeling a subtle sting in the back of her eyes. She wasn't the type to cry and mope around and she wasn't going to start just because Kylo fucking Ren was currently stomping all over her heart. Though to be fair, she had stomped his first. Unintentionally, but still stomped all the same.

Poe sighed, looking conflicted. "Listen girl, it's none of my business what's going on between you two but based on the all things I've seen when you're around each other, it seems-"

He cut off suddenly as the bell above the door tinkled, a baffled expression on his face. "Is that Kylo's mom?"

Rey spun around quickly, bumping her hip on the counter painfully. Sure enough, Leia stood by the door, a medium sized box tucked under her arm. Rather than a pantsuit, she was dressed in dark slacks and a sweater, her expression as serene as usual.

"Did Kylo send his mom to talk to you?" Poe asked incredulously. "What is this, middle school?"

Rey shook her head. Could this day get any worse? "No, he definitely didn't. This is just a horrible, evil coincidence."

Leia went and sat down at a table near the front window, setting the box down and giving Rey a pointed look. She obviously expected her to come over.

"I've got to go deal with this," she muttered to Poe, heading around the counter.

Leia straightened at Rey approached, hands flat on either side of the box. It was faded navy blue and a little battered looking, one corner of the lid dented.

"Hello Rey, dear," she said, polite as always. "Would you sit with me for a minute? I won't take up much of your time."

She sat down warily, eyeing the box.

"How is my son doing?" Leia asked softly.

"He's fine," Rey responded, wondering if that was all she had come for. "But I told you, if you want information on him, I won't disrespect his wishes." She'd already fucked up, the last thing she needed was to make things worse by talking to Leia behind his back.

"No, I understand, I just had to ask. I'm here because I was hoping you could do me a favor." she pushed the box across the table to Rey's side. "Would you give this to Kylo for me?"

She always said his name awkwardly, like it felt weird in her mouth. Now Rey knew why.

"Why? What's in it?" She gave the box a suspicious look.

Leia laughed dryly. "You can open it if you're so worried. Just some things that I want Kylo to have. He might not want to see me now but it brings me comfort to think he'll have them when I'm gone."

Rey glanced up at the older woman sharply. Was she sick? Something about the way she said it implied that she might be gone sooner rather than later. But Leia looked healthy enough and the way she met Rey's gaze was anything but weak. She was probably just overthinking it.

She turned back to the box, prying the lid off gently.

Inside lay stacks of photographs and letters, a child's drawings and craft projects, the scent of glue and something sweet wafting out.

Rey's breath caught in her suddenly tight throat as she picked up a stack of photos, flipping through them. Young Kylo blowing bubbles, smiling hugely with missing teeth, dressed in a ridiculous Christmas sweater. Leia, youthful and glowing, her arms around her son. Kylo's father and him flying a toy helicopter in a backyard.

Underneath the photos was something soft. A knit blanket in faded blues and browns. She grabbed the edge, pulling it free to see what was embroidered on the side.

 _My Ben._

"I don't understand," Rey said, voice thick. She could feel tears pushing against her eyes though she didn't know why. No, that was a lie. This was a box that represented all of Leia's love for her son. Love that Rey had never known and Kylo had left behind.

"I couldn't give him everything, couldn't bear to part with it all." Leia reached out and touched the blanket softly, her fingers trembling slightly. "But I need him to know I still love him, even if he never speaks to me again. He needs to know."

"What happened to him?" Rey whispered. "What happened to Ben?"

Leia didn't look surprised that Rey knew. "I don't know," she said sadly. "He was always a quiet child, he didn't have many friends. But as the years went by, he became more withdrawn and his light dimmed. I know Han and I weren't the best parents, always busy and fighting with each other when our son needed us. I just didn't see it until it was too late."

She gestured to the stack of letters in the box. "I used to write to him after he disappeared. Telling him how sorry I was and how much I wanted him back. It didn't change anything but he might want to read them someday."

"You honestly have no idea why he left?" Rey asked.

Leia shook her head, twisting a ring on her finger. "No. There was a party, this political thing-"

"I know about that," Rey interrupted. "The governor, he didn't say anything about why Kylo attacked him?"

"No, he had no idea. Said that he and Kylo had a small disagreement about work but that was all. He's always been a close family friend, he would have told me if he knew something." Leia spoke confidently. Her faith in Governor Snoke contradicted why Kylo said about him deserving every hit. Something wasn't lining up. "Kylo was gone the next day," she continued. "He left a note saying he couldn't stay and didn't want anyone to look for him."

Leia suddenly looked at Rey, her eyes searching. "Did my son tell you why he left?"

"No, I know less than you do." That wasn't necessarily true but Rey wasn't about to tell her that her son had obviously been traumatized by something that had happened, something he believed his mother might have been able to stop.

The fact that it looked like it probably involved this Governor Snoke didn't bode well. Rey's mind could take that in several directions, each possibility worse than the previous.

Leia nodded, the quick flare of hope dying in her eyes. "Will you give him this for me? Please, it's important to me that he has it. I would give it to him myself but..." she trailed off.

Rey agreed before she could stop herself, putting the lid back on the box. "I'll make sure he gets it."

Standing up, she smoothed the front of her perfectly pressed sweater. She was back to looking proper and a little stiff, except for the gleam of tears in her eyes. Obviously trying to hold herself together, she cleared her throat.

"Thank you, dear. I'll let you get back to work." She nodded at her, gave the box one last look, then left the cafe.

Rey got up slowly, holding the box gently. She felt stunned and confused, her thoughts swirling around at a crazy pace.

Every time she spoke to Leia, it felt like someone was reaching into her chest and was squeezing her heart. She never tried to hide her love for Kylo or her longing to see him again, but she tried so hard to respect his wishes even though she didn't know why he left her. Rey knew how to felt to abandoned by family, the constant ache of wondering why they threw you away and never came back.

Though she cared about Kylo, she couldn't help but sympathize with Leia. A small part of her sparked with anger that he was putting his mother through this, something she was too familiar with.

Rey rubbed her head wearily. Too many thoughts and emotions for one day. She felt overwhelmed and adrift with no bearings, no idea which direction was the right one.

But she knew she had to go try and see Kylo tonight.

...

After work, Rey stood outside Kylo's door, the blue box tucked under one arm. She had no idea what she was doing or what she was going to say, hours of trying to plan this out at work amounting to nothing. She was probably the last person he wanted to see right now, but she needed to give him this box and apologize for last night. There were things that needed to be said between them.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked firmly on his door. He didn't answer but she knew he was home, she'd seen his car in the parking lot when Poe dropped her off.

Knocking harder, she leaned it. "Kylo, I know you're in there. Please open the door. It's important. Please."

The click of his lock sounded after a few seconds, the door opening slowly.

"What?" he asked emotionlessly, staring down at her. His hair was a mess and he looked like he hadn't slept well. But she'd already known that. She suspected that she looked similarly ragged.

"Can I please come in for a minute? It's important, I swear."

His eyes fell on the box tucked under her arm and she could see the tiniest hint of curiosity. Wordlessly, he stepped aside to let her in, definitely not looking happy about it.

She'd only been inside his apartment a few times. It was always spotless, dark furniture and sharp, clean lines. It always weirded her out a little that the layout was a reflection of her apartment.

She stood in the walkway awkwardly as he closed up the door then gestured for her to follow him over to his little kitchen table. Instead of sitting, he just stood behind the farthest chair, crossing his arms. The tension between them wasn't the usual, it felt sour and negative.

Setting the box down on the table, Ret figured she might as well just jump right in before Kylo kicked her out.

"Your mother came to see me today. She asked me to give this to you."

His left eye twitched but he didn't say anything. After a moment of hesitation, he stepped forward and took the lid off, tossing it on the table.

Rey held her breath as his whole body froze.

He reached out to touch the top photograph, barely brushing it before he snatched his hand back as if he was burned.

"Why did she give this to you?" he asked roughly, eyes boring into hers.

"She wanted you to have it," Rey replied. "For when she's gone."

Kylo flinched back like she'd struck him, a lock of his dark hair falling across his forehead. "What is that supposed to mean?" he demanded, taking a step towards her.

"I don't know, that's just what she said. I'm sorry, I didn't want to pry."

Rey could see that he was grinding his teeth from where she was standing.

"Is that all? She just wanted you to give this to me? You two didn't try to dig details about me out of each other?" He said it like he wanted to sound snide but it just came across as tired.

She glanced away from his unflinching gaze. "I guess I deserve that." She took a deep breath before continuing, deciding to be honest and share her conflicted feelings. "I wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn't have looked into your past, I betrayed your trust, even after you shared so much with me."

He left out a frustrated breath. "If you had given me the chance, the time to figure everything out, I could have told you. But you decided you'd rather go behind my back."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Rey said sincerely, hoping he could hear how much she meant it. "I'm not trying to offer up excuses or make this about me but I don't think you know how difficult this is for me. Having faith in people is something I had to give up a long time ago. It's hard for me to not look for the worst in anyone who shows interest in me, to just hold my breath until they do something to hurt me."

Kylo's face didn't give anything away. She didn't even know if he had heard what she said.

"Why are you so determined to be angry with me?" she questioned, feeling frustration start to boil up in her. "I get that I hurt you but I didn't find out anything about your past and you admitted you were planning on telling me anyways... I don't understand why we can't move past this."

"You went snooping into something that was none of your business!" he retorted hotly. Looks like she struck a nerve. Obviously, she wasn't the only one with trust issues. But at least she owned up to them. He was scared and hiding behind anger because it was easier.

"You know what, it actually kind of is my business," she growled, fisting her hands at her sides. "The minute you decided you wanted to be in a relationship with me, you made it my business. Sure, I can try to be the good person and pretend otherwise but we both know that isn't how it works. Not when I care about you and have to listen to your nightmares every night, laying in the dark and hearing to you suffer. Not when I want to be with you in every way I can be, no matter how difficult it might be. And you knew that when you told me I was worth trying for."

Kylo let out a harsh laugh. "Glad to see you've finally decided to be honest. The whole lying to each other and pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows part is over, I guess."

Rey thought her head might explode. He was trying to rile her up, she could tell. He cared, he just didn't want to admit it.

"You want honesty? Fine, I'll be honest," she growled. "You're being selfish. You're asking me to set aside my own fears and insecurities and just trust you when you won't do the same. You act like you're the only one who's been hurt, like you couldn't care less about my own struggles."

He opened his mouth, brows furrowed angrily, but she cut him off with an aggressive swipe of her arm.

"And on top of that, I have to sit and listen to your mother tell me how much she misses you, how you left her with no explanation. The love in her eyes, I've never seen that in my life. You won't help me understand so all I see is you walking away from a relationship I could only dream of, the one thing that I would have killed for when I was a child. You're tossing away your mother just like my parents threw me away. Like worthless trash."

Rey felt tears in her eyes but she kept her chin up, stubbornly clenching her jaw.

"Part of me wants to hate you for that," she admitted. "But I don't because even if you won't tell me why, I know you have a good reason. You wouldn't hurt her like this if you didn't have to. I know that."

Kylo didn't try to interrupt when she paused this time, just watched her with dark eyes. All of the anger and fight drained out of Rey suddenly, leaving her almost light-headed.

"All I want is to understand and help you," she said softly, tiredly. "I want to be with you without this pushing us apart or hanging over our heads. What I want doesn't really matter though. You have to decide if you want to trust me and let me in, and we can figure this out together."

"It isn't that simple," Kylo muttered.

Rey took a step back, towards the door. "I can be, if you want it to. The choice is yours. I'm done arguing and trying to convince you. If you want me, I'll be waiting."

Walking out of the kitchen, she paused in the doorway.

"If you keep pushing away everyone who cares about you, you're going to be alone for the rest of your life," she said gently. "A lifetime is a long time to punish yourself."

She left him standing there in his kitchen. He didn't follow or call after her.

Rey's hands were shaking so badly, she could hardly get her door unlocked and open. She made it three steps into the walkway before she crumpled to the ground, sobs ripping their way from her chest.

It wasn't that she was sad or even angry. She was just so tired of everything, of the pain and the hurt and the uncertainty. Of wanting to help but feeling helpless. Of wanting love and intimacy but her own past making it so fucking hard. There was no escaping scars that ran this deep, they'd already left a permanent mark.

She cried at the thought that Kylo might be doing the same, sobbing over his baby blanket and the child he once was. Of his own inner demons preventing him from opening up, from healing. Of the suffering he had endured and would continue to.

Rey cried until she had no more tears, until her chest felt hollow. Leaning against the hallway wall, she told herself she didn't regret her honesty. Kylo might have needed to hear those things and now, having laid herself bare to him, the decision was up to him.

...

She didn't hear from Kylo the whole next day. It was hard to not fall into an endless pit of negative thoughts but Rey tried her best. She told herself that he would make the right choice, that he had reached out to her in the first place so a part of him wanted help. Part of him must believe he deserved to be happy or things between them would never have gotten this far.

Poe gave her another ride home, not saying anything but looking concerned. She loved him so much for realizing she just needed some quiet and time to think. Once this drama with Kylo died down, she needed to do something for Poe to show how much she appreciated him.

In her apartment, she took a steaming hot shower, scrubbing herself clean and letting the blissful heat soak into her bones. Emerging, clean and smelling of grapefruit, she dried her hair, letting the loud drone of the dryer drown out her thoughts.

Throwing on shorts and an oversized tee shirt, Rey padded into the kitchen, planning on digging out some ice cream and definitely not drowning her sorrows in sugar. Not at all.

But the sight of the ice cream tub made her stomach churn. She had no appetite. Her body felt wired and anxious and all she wanted to do was run over to Kylo's apartment and force him to talk to her.

She understood that he needed time but not knowing what was going on in his head was killing her. Wanting Kylo had become like a constant ache, something she had never felt for another person. It scared and excited her. And the thought that this thing between them could end after she just got a small taste of being with him... she couldn't imagine how she'd deal with that.

Rey finally settled on the couch and turned on the TV, trying to take her mind off of him. It didn't work.

Around midnight, she finally gave up and headed to bed despite the fact that she knew she was too worked up to sleep. Laying in her bed for hours sounded better than spending one more minute in front of the TV though.

She was just walking into her bedroom when someone knocked on her door.

Her heart fucking stopped.

Without hesitation, she ran to the door, fumbling on the locks, and flung it open so hard it almost hit the opposite wall.

"Rey," Kylo said hoarsely. "I know it's late but I- can I come in?"

The way he was looking at her was so open and raw. Rey felt hope fluttering in the middle of her chest, like a small bird frantically flapping its wings against her heart. That wasn't a look you gave someone you were about to break things off with.

"Of course," she said unsteadily, opening the door wider and stepping aside. "Come in."

 _ **I know this chapter didn't have a whole lot going on in it but it was necessary. I actually love writing conversations between these characters, I usually end up having to cut them down because they're so long haha. I was thinking when I finished this story, which still has a ways to go, I might like to do bonus chapters or a connected story with some key scenes in Kylo's POV. I'm glad that I chose to only have Rey's POV in this story because it works but I would also love to do some scenes just to show Kylo's thoughts and feelings. What do you guys think? Yay or nay?**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**As a warning, this chapter is going to contain various sensitive and potentially triggering subjects, described in some level of detail. Please be aware of that if you continue reading.**_

Kylo stood awkwardly by the entrance to her living room, not saying anything. He looked pale and almost like he was about to be sick, lips pressed together in a tight line.

"Want me to make some tea?" Rey offered gently.

He shook his head, dark hair shining in the light. "No, thanks. Could we just sit down?"

Rey nodded, leading him over to the couch. She took one end, sitting down and facing him with her legs curled underneath her, while he took the other. He placed his elbows on his knees, hunching over slightly like he was bracing himself. His face was mostly hidden behind his hair and hands, something that felt very intentional. She could see his ribs expanding underneath the fabric of his shirt as he took deep breaths.

"I've never talked to anyone about this," he finally said, voice low and rasping.

"I understand," she told him. It had taken her years to work up the courage to go see a therapist and even then, there were things she couldn't share. Things she hadn't even told Finn, her closest friend.

The fact that he was actually here, in her apartment and ready to share his story, it felt surreal. Though she had tried to be optimistic, a part of her really hadn't expected him to show up.

She didn't want to feel happy right now, not when he was in so much anguish, but she couldn't deny that a small part of her was giddy that he had picked her.

"I just... I'm going to tell you everything. Not just about that night at the party. You need to hear everything if you want to understand." He was talking to his hands, actively avoiding looking at her.

Rey ached to reach out and hold him, to soothe his tension. But he reminded her too much of a skittish animal right now, like he'd flee if she moved towards him.

So instead, she just said, "It's okay, Kylo. You can tell me whatever you're comfortable with. I'm here for you."

He took a deep breath, opening and closing his mouth several times. After a minute, he choked out a harsh laugh.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, clearly struggling. "It's harder than I thought it would be."

Rey just waited patiently. She would wait all night for him if she had too.

"When I was a kid," he finally started. "My dad wasn't around a lot. My mom had me when she was pretty young and he didn't want to give up traveling. So I didn't really have much of a father figure, but I did have Governor Snoke. He was kind of like that weird uncle you have when you're a kid, you know?"

Rey nodded, stomach twisting nervously. She had a sick feeling that she knew where this was going.

"I didn't really like him but he was a family friend and it was important to my mom that we got along, especially when she started getting into politics. He was always nice but something about the way he looked at me made me uncomfortable, even as a kid. He was always watching me with his strange, satisfied smirk on his face."

Kylo paused to swallow loudly. Rey could see that he was trembling, his body shaking where he sat. He still hadn't looked at her.

"Then, when I was about twelve, my mother started going on trips for various political or activism related things. I was too young to be home alone and my father was usually gone. Snoke offered to let me stay with him, he had this big mansion but no kids or anything. He would guilt my mom, saying I needed boy time since my dad wasn't around much. That it would be good for me to have a man in my life... so she left me with him, not knowing that he had a thing for little boys."

Though she had been expecting it, had seen it coming, his words still made her stomach lurch. For a second, she was afraid she'd be sick, sour bile rising in her throat.

Kylo didn't even look at her, just kept talking, stumbling over his words in his rush to get them out.

"He said- he told me that I deserved it, that I was lucky he wanted me when my own father didn't. That if I told anyone, my mother would hate me and throw me out. That I would shame my family and prove my father right that I was weak and unworthy of his attention. I was so scared and I- I didn't know-"

Words couldn't describe the hatred she felt for Snoke or the sorrow for Kylo. To be a child and dealing with this... it had broken him.

Rage, pure sharp rage, shot through Rey like a lightning bolt. Kylo had had a mother who loved him, a family and a life before this. And Snoke had taken it all away from him. He had destroyed Kylo's life and she wanted to kill him for it.

"You were just a kid," she told him, forcibly keeping her voice calm. "Predators know how to manipulate their victims, it's what they do. They make them feel like they deserve it and give them nowhere to turn."

Kylo shook his head slowly. "It wasn't just as a kid. I had begged my mom to find someone else, to not let him see me. She thought I was just acting out when I couldn't give her a reason why. He... abused me for years until I was old enough to stay home by myself. I thought I was finally free but he never had any intention of letting me slip away from him. He told my mother he wanted me to intern with him, that he saw my potential as his protege. She was so excited for me, wouldn't listen to me when I told her I didn't want to."

Rey knew that Leia had no way of knowing but she still cursed her internally. She looked at Leia and saw probably what most people had seen; a mother missing her son who she loved dearly. But underneath that, she had messed up, had ignored her son's pleas for help. Forgiveness was going to be a long and complicated path. The fact that Kylo still admitted that he loved her was a miracle.

His already lowered head bowed further until he was almost touching his knees. It's like he was trying to fold in on himself, to hide from the past.

"To me, he told me that if I couldn't keep fulfilling his needs, he'd have to find a new boy. I had no choice but to accept. And part of me had already given up."

The force of his shaking was making the couch vibrate.

"The things he did to me," he said, voice cracking. "You can't imagine... it wasn't just sexual, he wanted to hurt me. The pain and the control, that was what it was about to him. And when I got older, grew out of what he liked, it was just the hurt and the humiliation."

Rey could feel tears running down her face though she didn't know when she had started crying. Kylo had dealt with this for years, Snoke's abuse probably the only consistent thing in his life. She had guessed that he had been abused as a child but had never thought, hadn't imagined the depth of horror. How had he broken free?

As if reading her mind, he continued. "The night at the party, something in me snapped. He was just so smug and self-assured and I hated him so much. I told him I was done and he couldn't touch me ever again. He laughed and told me he had picture and videos." Embarrassment and self-loathing filled Kylo's voice. "That he would send them to the media, that everyone would see and know and my mother's political career would be ruined. He wasn't even worried, didn't even consider that I would walk away. And he was right, when he told me that, I had already accepted my defeat. I was already lost and didn't want to bring my mother down with me."

"Then," Kylo whispered, "he said that as punishment for thinking of leaving him, I was going to find him a new student. A new young boy."

Rey couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped her lips and Kylo finally turned to look at her. His expression... it was painful to look at but she didn't dare glance away.

"I lost it," he admitted, closing his eyes briefly. "I don't remember hitting him, just the fury and the horror at the thought of him laying his hands on an innocent child. I just kept hitting him until someone pulled me off. I remember seeing his chest move and the disappointment that I hadn't killed him."

His eyes were locked on Rey like he was watching for a hint of revulsion, for her to recoil from him. But she understood and she wasn't afraid so she let him see it in her eyes.

"You did what you had to," she said. He had been incredibly brave and no one would ever know. They all viewed him as a monster. "If you had killed him, the world would have been better off for it." The viciousness in her voice surprised both of them but she'd meant it.

Kylo looked wrecked, his eyes hollow, face bloodless.

"I went home and I was terrified. I didn't know what he'd do to punish me. I- I considered ending my life." The shame in his voice was evident but Rey understood. There had been points in her life where she'd there too, just wanting to be done. "If I wasn't so angry, so furious that he'd won again, I might have. But like I said, it was the control he liked. So I decided the one way I could hurt him the most would be to escape. I packed a few things and left that night."

And there it was. The tragic story of Kylo Ren, laid before Rey. So many things made a horrible sort of sense now. Revulsion and horror mixed in her stomach but she pushed it down, knowing that he didn't need those emotions from her.

She needed to say something. He was obviously waiting for her reaction, watching her with raw, dark eyes.

"You're so brave, Kylo," she whispered, reaching out a tentative hand to lay it on his arm, feeling the tension coiled in it. "So incredibly brave, I can't even-"

He tore himself away from her with a gasp like he was drowning, jumping to his feet to face her.

"Did you not listen to anything I just said?" he demanded, lips curled back in a savage expression. "Don't patronize me."

Rey felt her face flush, horrified that he would think that. But he had probably been imagining people's reactions for years, expecting disgust and loathing. He always assumed the worst when it came to people's thoughts about him.

"I'm not," she said gently. "I mean it, Kylo. Most people wouldn't have made it through what you did. You are one of the strongest and bravest people I've ever know and you should be proud of what you survived."

There was a second where he just stared at her, frozen, like he couldn't believe the words that had come out of her mouth. Then his face crumpled. He fell to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her middle and burying his head in her lap.

Rey was so shocked by his sudden movement, it took her a moment to react. She rested one hand on his back, feeling his body shaking as he held her desperately. Her other hand ran slowly through his hair in what she hoped was a soothing gesture. As he shook, she could feel his warm tears soaking into her clothes.

"I have nothing to offer you," he choked out, voice muffled against her. "Snoke took everything from me and I don't know if I'll ever get it back. Ben Solo died a long time ago."

"Then it's a good thing that Kylo Ren is the man I care about," Rey told him.

She gently grasped both sides of his face, tilting it up so he had to look at her. His cheeks were tear-streaked, his expression a heart-wrenching mixture of fragile hope and utter devastation.

"How can you still care about me, still want me after everything I told you?" he asked.

"How could I not?" she replied simply. Leaning it, she softly kissed his tears away, tasting salt, stroking his face with her thumbs. "It only proves to me what I already knew. Your heart is full of light and not even Snoke could snuff it out."

The way he stared at her, like he was worshipping her with his eyes, it was the single most beautiful way anyone had ever looked at her.

Kylo didn't say anything, just tightened his hold around her, resting his head against her shoulder.

They sat there, holding each other for a few minutes as his breathing slowed down, the tremors running up and down his body vanishing. Rey hoped that he was finding a feeling of relief now that he had gotten his past off of his chest.

"Hey," she muttered, once he had calmed. "It's late. Let's go to bed."

He pulled away to look at her, like he didn't understand what she was saying. Standing with a small smile, she pulled him up with her and took his hand. Letting her lead him behind her, they went into her bedroom.

Rey didn't bother turning the light on, the glow from the hallway illuminating enough. Throwing back the blankets, she slid into the bed, watching as Kylo hesitated in the doorway.

"You can leave, if you'd like," she told him honestly. But she had the feeling he didn't want to be alone right now, and neither did she.

He shook his head, tentatively walking over and lifting the blankets to join her. He was so warm and solid beside her, she wanted to curl up against him and hold him all night.

So she did.

Pressing against his side, she draped an arm over his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel the stiffness and tension slowly draining from him as he relaxed against her, his own arm curling around her shoulders to hold her close.

"Good night, Kylo," she said softly.

"Good night, Rey."

...

Rey woke up slowly in the morning, pleasantly warm and sleepy. Muted sunlight filtered in through her window, bathing the room in light. She gradually became aware of Kylo in bed with her, his body curled around hers, his soft breath huffing against the back of her neck.

She had rolled onto her side at some point in the night and he had followed, spooning her, their bodies fitting together perfectly. One of his hands was tucked under the edge of her shirt, hot against the skin of her stomach.

Unable to resist, she wiggled back, pressing close to him. A content sigh fell from her lips; she wouldn't mind waking up like this every morning.

The things Kylo had told her last night hadn't remotely changed the way she felt about him. If anything, now she felt more connected to him, like their souls had touched. She wanted him, just as he was. Obviously, they still had things to discuss, but those could wait for another day.

Shifting slightly, she stroked Kylo arm with featherlight touches, reveling in the sensation of just being able to touch him.

"Enjoying yourself?" he rumbled from behind her, his voice rough with sleep.

Rey felt a blush spread across her cheeks but was proud of herself for not jumping. How long had he been awake? She rolled over to face him, loving the soft, sleepy smile on his face.

He met her eyes shyly, obviously worried about where they stood today. He left his hand where it was, fingers splayed out on her waist.

Wanting to banish the uncertain look in his eyes, she leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against his mouth. She lingered slightly before pulling away.

Kylo didn't let her go very far though, the hand on her waist pulling her close.

"You... I- I don't deserve you," he told her, his free hand coming up to cradle her cheek. "I wouldn't ever deserve you, not if I lived a hundred lifetimes."

Before Rey could come up with a response, he kissed her, pouring all of his emotion into it.

Clinging to him, she kissed him back with everything she had, wanting no doubt left in his mind that she wanted him. He tasted slightly salty, leftover from his tears the night before. The way he kissed her had a tinge of desperation and she realized he must have come to her last night, part of him expecting her to reject him, to talk away after he bared himself to her. The thought just made her kiss his harder.

Groaning, he deepened this kiss, sliding his tongue against her lips, begging for entrance which she gladly granted him. As always, the slick feeling of his tongue twining with hers sent a bolt of heat to her stomach and she arched against him.

She pulled away slightly. "Is... is this okay?" she breathed, needing to know. He'd never shied away from their sexual tension before but she couldn't not ask. She would never be able to forgive herself if she pressured him into something, intentionally or not.

"Yes," he said, then grinned at her, the look in his eyes sending her heart into a frenzy. "Absolutely."

She let out a surprised giggle as he rolled over so he was hovering over her, eyes hot. He was bracing most of his weight on his arm above her head but was still a comfortable presence on top of her. Arching experimentally, she pressed her hips against his.

Letting out a stuttered breath, he leaned down and pressed scorching kisses along her neck, pushing down the collar of her shirt to nip at her collarbone. His mouth and tongue on her skin were driving her crazy and she moaned, tangling her hands in his hair to pull his lips back to her own. She sucked on his full bottom lip then thrust her tongue against his, tasting him.

His free hand slid back under the edge of her shirt, inching up along her ribs. When his fingertips brushed the underside of her bare breast, she gasped into his mouth.

"Please Kylo," she begged, nipples already hard.

He captured her lips with his again, just as his hand covered her breast, thumb brushing back and forth across her sensitive nipple.

Fuck. She writhed beneath his touch, crying out, his mouth swallowing her sounds.

Pulling away and breathing hard, he watched her as he rolled her nipple between thumb and forefinger. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he dipped his face down and licked a hot swipe across her other one through the fabric of her shirt.

Rey absolutely panted, freeing her hands from his hair to sit up slightly and yank her shirt off over her head, tossing it on the floor somewhere. She was naked from the waist up, chest flushed under his hot gaze.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said hoarsely, his eyes devouring her.

She kissed him again, hungrily, then worked his shirt off of him. She hadn't seen before in his apartment, had been too distracted to notice the smattering of scars across his body. Later, she would take her time and kiss every single one of them.

Leaning back against the pillows, she pulled his hand off of her breast and up to her mouth.

His eyes went black as she sucked two of his fingers in his mouth, swirling her tongue around them lazily. She bobbed her head up and down them, coating their length in her saliva, gently scraping with her teeth.

Pulling them free of her mouth with an obscene pop, she led his hand down to the top of her shorts then under the waistband and into her underwear.

Sucking his fingers had just been to tease him, she was already absolutely drenched, her panties soaked through. She ached for his touch, wanted him to slide those thick fingers into her.

They moaned simultaneously as his fingers circled her clit then slipped down to part her.

"Fuck Rey, you're so wet," he choked out.

"All for you," she moaned, shifting her hips against his hand.

Kylo sealed his mouth back around her breast, licking and scraping against her sensitive nipple as his fingers teased her entrance. Just as she was about to explode, he finally slid them in.

"Jesus fucking Christ," she gasped, rocking against the slow movement of his fingers in and out of her. The slight stretch felt delicious, his fingers curling just right to brush against the spot that made her see stars.

He kissed his way down her body, using his other handle to wiggle her shorts and panties down her legs. Once they reached her feet, Rey kicked them away then spread her legs wantonly as his mouth kissed the spot right below her belly button.

"I'm going to make you come twice," he rasped against her. "Once around my fingers and again when I'm inside you."

Fuck, if that wasn't the hottest thing she'd ever heard, she didn't know what was. She could already feel her orgasm twisting hotly in her abdomen and knew it wouldn't take much more to get her off.

His fingers drove into her with more determination, a steady rhythm that made her thighs shake and quiver. And when he kissed his way down to her clit, tongue swirling around it, he had to hold her hips down with his free hand to keep her from bucking into his face.

"Oh my god, oh my god," she cried, feeling herself about to unravel. He felt too fucking good, twisting his fingers just right and licking her firmly. Her nails scraped against his scalp, hands knotting in his raven hair.

When he sucked hotly, teeth scraping her clit gently, Rey felt her body seize up, clenching around him. Pleasure exploded in her stomach, shockwaves running up and down her body as she came. It felt like it went on forever as Kylo worked her through it, until she collapsed back against the pillows, deliciously boneless and sweaty.

He followed her, giving her a demanding kiss and she could taste herself on his mouth, something she found indescribably sexy.

Rather than feeling satiated after her orgasm, she just wanted him more. She reached down and yanked at his pants impatiently.

"Take these off," she urged him, wanting to touch him, to make him feel good.

Kylo stood, slowly taking off his pants and boxers. Rey's throat went dry at the sight of him naked before him, broad-shouldered, his whole body firm and muscled. She wanted to taste every inch of him, wanted to take her time exploring his body.

"Come here," she all but growled, and he chuckled a little self consciously, crawling over up the bed to join her again.

Reaching down, she grabbed his length firmly, feeling it already slick with precome, hard and throbbing hotly in her hand.

He let out a choked noise, thrusting slightly into her hand. His head dipped down to rest in the crook of her neck, pressing wet kisses along the column of her throat as she worked his cock slowly, teasing like he had her.

She wanted to slide down the bed and take him in her mouth, to swallow him until he came undone in her mouth. But she wanted him to be inside her more.

"Kylo," she moaned, positioning him at her entrance. "Please, I need you." Never in her life had she felt so wet, so empty and ready to be filled.

But he hesitated and she knew why.

"I'm on the pill," she whispered, arching and feeling his cock part her slightly. He was by far the biggest she'd ever had, but she knew they'd fit just right.

Lifting himself slightly so he could look at her, he pushed her arms into the pillows over her head, interlocking their fingers together. His dark eyes never looked away from hers as he teasingly slid up and down, nudging her clit with every motion.

Rey keened, wanting to reach down and shove him into her, but he held her hands firmly, not giving her an inch to pull away or free herself. He just watched, pink lips parted slightly as she writhed beneath him, dizzy with lust.

"Do you want me?" he asked, voice rough with desire. His arms trembled against hers.

"Yes Kylo, so badly. I've been waiting so long for you to fuck me."

He groaned from somewhere deep in his chest, then plunged into her warm wetness with one smooth motion, filling her completely.

Rey cried out, the sound echoing through the room. He was so big inside of her. Fuck, she knew they'd fit perfectly.

"Rey, fuck," he swore lowly, shuddering against her. "You feel so fucking good."

Kylo rocked back and forth slowly, every inch of him rubbing against her torturously slow. Their hands were still locked together above her head, his eyes fixed on her face. This pace was heaven and hell, the slow strokes allowing her to savor the feeling of him inside her. But she wanted him to take her like she knew they both wanted, desperately and savagely. She needed him to give in.

"I won't break," she muttered, wrapping a leg around his hips to urge him to go faster. "Take me."

His eyes searched hers for a second, and whatever he saw in them confirmed what she was saying. He let go of her hands, rising up on his knees and lifting her hips with him, the angle letting him slip in just a little farther.

He was glorious as he sped up, pounding into her, a slight sheen of sweat slicking his body, the predatory look in his eyes as he watched his cock pull out and push back into her. The sounds of their bodies meeting and separating were so wet and obscene but it just made her hotter.

Rey grabbed the sheets around her, meeting him thrust for thrust. She's whimpering and keening, the sounds only urging Kylo on more. This was what she wanted, what she needed, their pace and desire evenly matched. He gave and she took, their bodies in a perfect and frenzied rhythm.

That knot in her stomach tightened as he tilted her body up a little more, hitting that spot that made her knees shake with every plunge into her body.

"I'm close," she cried out, needing just a little more to fall over that blissful edge. She's right at the peak, just needs the smallest bit _more_...

Kylo slid a hand up her hip, pressing her clit firmly with his thumb, working it in tight little circles that sent electric shocks coursing through her.

"Come for me," he commanded, never letting up. "Come around my cock, let me feel you."

Rey had no choice but to comply, gasping as she lost herself in the rush of feelings he gave her. Her orgasm rocked her whole body, her core convulsing and gushing around him. She tightened to that point of pleasure that was just on the line of being painful. But _fuck_ , it felt so good.

She kept her eyes on him the whole time, watching as his thrusts fell out of sync and he ground against her roughly. His cock swelled and twitched inside of her furiously. Throwing back his head slightly, he moaned her name and she felt him come, hot pulses and spurts inside of her. He shook as he came, his whole body frozen around her.

Panting, he gave a few more lazy thrusts as he softened inside of her, his big hands stroking up and down her legs soothingly.

The sound of their harsh breathing filled the silence as he pulled out and collapsed in the bed next to her.

"Jesus Christ," Rey got out, pushing down the sudden urge to giggle. She felt exhausted but so good, so alive and content. Being with Kylo was even better than she'd thought and she'd thought about it a lot.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks, kissing her shoulder softly.

"No, god no." There's a bit of stinging going on but nothing she can't handle. She expected it after seeing how large he was, after the sensual burn when he first pushed into her.

They lay there together for a while, just enjoying the intimacy of the moment. But eventually, Rey has to glance at the clock, knowing she can't ignore the real world forever.

She sighs, sitting up. Poe would be expecting her at work in just over an hour. Just enough time to shower and eat quickly.

"I have work," she tells Kylo dejectedly, wanting nothing more than to stay in bed with him all day.

He looks like he's thinking the same thing. "Call out?" he asks, looking at her hopefully. There was that puppy dog face. The contrast between it and the sexually confident man he'd been in bed made her bite her lip to push back a smile.

"Don't tempt me," she groans, standing up, feeling sticky between her thighs. He watches her stretch, brown eyes turning molten.

"But," she says, adding a little seductive purr to her voice. "I'll let you join me in the shower... if you make it worth my while."

Leaving the bedroom, she hears him scrambling out of the bed behind her and she lets out a quiet laugh.

 _ **This chapter was really difficult for me to write, for several reasons. I ended up rewriting parts over and over again until I got to a point where I was pretty satisfied. Nothing is ever perfect but I'm pretty happy with it and I hope you guys are too. I figured it was about time these poor babies got some emotional and physical tension worked out *wiggles eyebrows* Love you all!**_


	12. Chapter 12

Rey nearly skipped into work an hour later, her body deliciously sore and sensitive feeling. Kylo... she grinned. Well, he was just proving to be insatiable. He had joined her in the shower, washing her body before sinking to his knees.

"I fully intend to make up for all the time we could have been doing this," he'd told her, kissing up her legs. The sight of him, wet and kneeling before her, it had stolen her breath away.

"Yeah, I blame that on you," she said, then gasped when he nipped the inside of her thigh, giving her a playful look from under his lashes.

"I guess I owe you a _thorough_ apology then," Kylo teased, leaning in to flick her clit with his tongue.

It was by far, the most satisfying apology she'd ever received.

Though it pained her to do it, she asked Kylo not to come to the cafe tonight. She needed to see Finn and speak with him about things and she owed Poe some attention. She'd been a pretty bad and self-absorbed friend lately. He'd looked disappointed but understood how important her friends were to her.

"I can see you tomorrow though?" he'd asked, already looking like he was missing her. It was so sweet, her heart ached.

"Of course," she'd laughed, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. It was so endearing how he could look stunned and flustered by a kiss on the cheek after he just had his face buried between her thighs. "Come to the cafe at the normal time, okay?"

He'd agreed and given her a lingering kiss goodbye, brown eyes velvet soft.

"Hey Poe," she called as she entered the cafe, going over to give him a warm hug.

"Uh, hey Rey," he said, slightly confused but returning the hug. "You, uh... everything okay?"

She laughed, forgetting he had dropped her off last night when she was moping. That felt like forever ago. "Yeah, everything's great," she assured him, heading into the back room to put her purse and jacket away.

When she emerged, Poe was leaning against the counter, arm crossed and eyes narrowed as he watched her.

"Okay, spill it," he commanded. "Something happened. You get things worked out with lover boy?"

"I suppose that's one way of putting it," she teased.

He gasped. "You dirty girl, you totally got laid. You little sex fiend."

Rey blushed, laughing at how over-dramatic he was being. Though to be honest, she was dying to tell him all about it. Okay, maybe not all about it, there were things even Poe didn't need to know. But he would be happy for her, supportive as usual.

"I am not a sex fiend," she defended, then grinned wickedly. "But Kylo Ren might turn me into one."

"I knew it!" Poe called, lowering his voice when several customers glanced over at them curiously. "I mean, I knew it," he whispered loudly, eyes glittering mischievously. "So... how was it?"

Rey gave him a meaningful look. "You have no idea."

He groaned. "Girl, you're killing me. Come on, I've shipped you guys from day one, the least you can do it give me some details."

Luckily, she was saved from answering as a teenage couple came up to the counter to order. She could feel Poe fuming impatiently behind her.

"I'm inviting Finn in later," she told him, before he could chew her out. "How are you guys doing?"

It sufficiently distracted him, an exasperated smile on his face. "Pretty good, he's a sweet guy. We're talking but we still haven't managed to go on another date with everything going on..." He shrugged, trying to not look overly disappointed.

Rey smiled sympathetically, already planning on talking to Finn about that later and working something out. It was the least she could do for Poe.

"I'm sure things will work themselves out," she assured him.

So when Finn walked through the door later that evening, Rey rushed over to hug him. "Take Poe out on a date. Tomorrow night," she told him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

Finn blinked. "Nice to see you too. Uh, what?"

"You heard me. Take him out tomorrow night. Somewhere nice and romantic."

Finn glanced over at the counter where Poe had their back to them, washing mugs in the sink. "Where did this come from? Did he say something?"

Rey shook her head. "Not like that. He just said he likes you and he's sad you guys never got to go on another date after your first one was interrupted. So I'm telling you to take him somewhere tomorrow night."

"I thought he was closing with you tomorrow night?" he asked, eyebrow arching. But the longing look he gave Poe spoke for itself.

She waved away his concerns. "I can close up by myself."

Finn gave her a hard look. "You know neither of us would be comfortable with that, not after what happened last time."

"I'll be fine. Besides, Kylo will be here to walk me home so I won't be alone. Have you seen him? No one's going to try anything with him around." Rey bit her lip, not realizing before now that Finn taking Poe on a date would have an added bonus; her and Kylo alone for the rest of the night. Her stomach clenched in excitement at the thought and she tried to keep her expression casual.

"Kylo, huh? Last I heard, you guys weren't doing so well."

It was Rey's turn to arch an eyebrow. "Poe needs to stop gossiping so much. But I actually wanted to talk to you about Kylo... but not until you ask Poe on a date tomorrow."

Finn rolled his eyes but she could tell he wasn't actually annoyed. "Pushy brat," he muttered warmly, wandering over to the counter to get Poe's attention.

His eyes positively lit up when he turned around to find Finn standing there. They spoke for a minute, Poe nodding enthusiastically, leaning against the counter with a flirtatious smile curling at his lips.

Rey went and sat down at Finn's favorite table, giving them a moment of privacy. He joined her a few minutes later, a mocha in his hand and a smile on his face.

"We're on for tomorrow," he told her, ignoring the smug grin plastered across her face. "Kylo had better be here or we'll cancel."

"He'll be here," Rey promised, already imagining the things they could do alone.

Finn took a big sip of his mocha, gazing at her over the rim of his cup. "So... what's going on between you two?"

"It's complicated," she said, realizing they hadn't really even talked about it they were dating. "I asked Kylo about his past and admitted to the bit of snooping, which didn't go over very well." That was a huge understatement.

"You needed to get it off of your chest," Finn pointed out, immediately defending her.

Rey shrugged. "I think he realized that. But we talked and he opened up and told me all about what had happened."

That slimy feeling slid down Rey's spine when she thought about it, but there was also a fierce sort of pride burning in her chest.

Finn was clearly waiting for the details but even though he was her best friend, Rey wouldn't share this without Kylo's consent.

"I can't tell you most of it, but I need you to know that I'm not remotely worried about Kylo hurting me. He's a good man and I promise that what you saw him do that night was completely justified."

He still looked skeptical. "I dunno, Rey. You didn't see him. You don't attack another person like that unless you've got something wrong in the head."

Rey took a deep breath, giving him a meaningful look. "Finn... there was some serious abuse done to Kylo."

He set his mug down and ran a hand over his face roughly. Letting out a loud deep sigh, he leaned back in his chair looking pained. "Shit."

"Yeah," she agreed, knowing he understood why she couldn't talk about it now. Finn had seen and experienced some horrible things in his time in the system, so he understood what Kylo was going through.

"I didn't know," he said apologetically, looking pretty ashamed so Rey reached over and took his hand in hers.

"I didn't either. But listen, Kylo and I are seeing each other and it's important to me that you get along. So maybe just try to give him a chance and keep in mind that he's had a lot of struggles in his life, okay?"

Finn nodded. "I owe him an apology."

She shook her head, trying not to laugh at the thought of Kylo's mortification. "No, no, he would hate that. Just treat him like normal, okay? I'd like it if we could maybe plan something together soon so you and Poe can get to know him a little better."

He agreed and they talked for a little longer, catching up. It was late by the time he said goodbye, hugging her and promising Poe he'd pick him up tomorrow.

Rey watched him walk out the door, feeling like finally, things were starting to go right.

...

The next morning, Rey stood in front of her closet feeling a little feverish with anticipation.

It had taken all of her self-control to not run over to Kylo's apartment the second she'd gotten home last night. The feeling of laying in bed, listening to him move around his room and get ready for bed... it filled her mind with thoughts of him getting undressed which then morphed into thoughts of him naked with her. It had taken her a while to fall asleep.

She would be seeing him later today for the first time after sleeping together. Self-doubt was something he obviously struggled with and she wanted to distract him and make sure he knew she wanted him. That she didn't regret a single thing.

Pulling out a black lace bra and matching panties, she smirked. Black was his favorite color...

And after digging through her closet for a few minutes, she let out a triumphant sound. She wiggled on the black leather mini skirt, relieved it still fit. Finn made her buy it a few years ago when he was dragging her to clubs with him, and she had known she hadn't thrown it out.

It was pretty short and extremely tight but she could still work in it, as long as she was careful about bending over.

She could already envision Kylo's eyes going dark with desire when he saw her in this skirt. It seemed like a safe bet that he had a bit of a thing for black leather.

Rey let out a self-conscious giggle. It had been a long time since she'd diabolically planned to seduce someone and it made her feel a little giddy and powerful. Though she wanted him to see that she was trying, she also wanted to feel desired and sexy. Something about Kylo brought it out in her.

She picked out a soft pink blouse, tucking it into the skirt, and black heeled booties, leaving her legs bare. They were one of the things she loved most about herself, long, tan and toned. Kylo seemed to appreciate them yesterday when he continuously ran his hands up and down them.

Shivering at the thought, she forced herself to not think about him. He wouldn't be at the cafe for hours still, there was no sense in torturing herself.

...

Poe whistled when she walked into work, giving her an approving look up and down.

"Something tells me you didn't get all dressed up for me," he teased. "You know I was kidding about letting you use the back closet as your secret sex room, right?"

Rey rolled her eye, feeling her face get red. "You're ridiculous."

"Your ass in that skirt is ridiculous," he retorted, leaning over to get a better look. "You're going to give lover boy a nosebleed. Unless all of his blood is busy rushing somewhere else, if you know what I mean." He winked.

"Oh shut up," she hissed, but secretly feeling a little pleased.

"I tease, I tease," he said, eyes warm. "Honestly, you look great."

"Not as great as you're going to look on your date tonight though, right?"

"Damn straight," Poe agreed. "Finn is going to have a hard time keeping his hands off of me."

"Ewwww." Rey frowned exaggeratedly. "Too much info. Finn is like my brother, I don't want to hear stuff like that."

Poe sighed wistfully. "I wish Finn had been my brother growing up." He paused, wrinkling his nose. "That sounded creepier than I intended."

Rey laughed loudly, holding herself up on the counter. "I'll have to tell him all about how much you wish he was your brother. I'm sure he'd love to hear all about your incestuous fantasies."

"You do that and I'll show lover boy the Halloween party pictures of you... you know, the ones where you're passed out on the floor with puke in your hair and your boob hanging out of your dress," he said coolly.

Oh god. She needed to eradicate every last one of those pictures. It had been a really rough month and she might have drunk a bit too much of the mystery mix punch at Poe's friend's party.

"You wouldn't dare," she growled.

They glared at each other for a second before Poe's lip twitched. In a flash, they were both cackling hysterically.

"Okay, truce?" Rey asked, once she could breathe again.

Poe nodded, wiping a tear from his eye.

...

Kylo came in at his usual time, eyes immediately going to Rey behind the counter. He had a little smile curling at the corners of his mouth, two pink spots on his cheekbones.

"Hey," Rey said a little breathlessly, leaning against the counter as he came up.

"Hey," he replied, and _fuck_ , if that deep voice didn't make her want to climb over the counter and take him.

She bit her lip, mentally shoving sex fiend Rey down.

"Want the usual?" She asked and he nodded. "I'll bring it out in a minute."

He went and sat down after giving her a lingering look, and she went to make his tea. Now that he was here, she was feeling a little nervous about wearing this outfit. Apparently sex fiend Rey was a totally try hard but insecure Rey was having second thoughts.

Grabbing his mug and making her way around the counter, she saw him look up to watch her. His dark eyes widened across the room, lips parting.

It took all of Rey's willpower to not smirk, instead keeping her eyes fixed firmly on his mug as she walked to his table. She could still feel his gaze on her though, and her knees got a little wobbly. Yes, this had definitely been a good idea. Insecure Rey could fuck off, she was going to have some fun with this.

"Here you go," she said, setting his mug down and finally looking at him.

He was staring at her intensely, something hot sparking in his eyes. Her mouth suddenly went dry.

"What?" she asked innocently.

He was silent for a long second before a slow smirk curled his lips. "Nothing," he said, but she knew he was onto her, that he saw the game she was playing and liked it. Her stomach twisted in excitement.

"How was the rest of your day yesterday?" She asked.

"Boring. Lonely." He frowned.

"Poor Kylo had to spend half a day by himself," she teased, not wanting to admit she'd missed him too.

He gave her a dirty look before his eyes strayed back to her bare legs and she wanted to laugh.

"I've got to get back to work but I wanted to let you know that Poe is leaving early for a date with Finn. He wants to make sure you'll be here to look out for me. You know," she said, meaningfully, "since I'll be here all alone. I'm sure he doesn't want anything to happen to me."

"That would be just terrible," Kylo muttered, looking distracted.

Rey bit back a laugh. He's making this too easy.

For the rest of the night, he worked on his laptop, but Rey could feel his eyes on her constantly. There was a steady ache between her legs and she wanted it to be closing time immediately.

She messed with him every chance she got, bending over the counter to reach things, walking past his table more than necessary. Poe just watched, shaking his head and vibrating with silent laughter.

"You're going to kill him," he muttered to her, but Rey just smirked. She'd never felt so bold and it was intoxicating.

Poe left around seven for his date, telling her to have a good night with a meaningful look, and suddenly the cafe felt like all of the air had been sucked out of it. Rey could feel Kylo watching her, the tension thick between them even across the room, but she kept her eyes on the cups she was methodically stacking.

The only other people in the cafe, a group of women, finally left and Rey thanked them, heading to their table to clean up, intentionally not looking at him.

She heard the soft scrape of his chair scooting back, his footsteps across the cafe towards her. Her every sense turned hyper-aware as he approached, her head down as she started collecting mugs from the table.

"Rey." His husky voice sent her spinning around before she could stop herself. "What are you doing?"

Oh hell, he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he wanted her, his eyes absolutely scorching hot.

"Cleaning the table," she said innocently, knowing that wasn't actually what he was asking.

Kylo took a step closer, backing her into the table, their bodies almost touching.

"And what is this?" he asked softly, reaching out to graze the edge of her skirt. His fingers brushed her bare thigh and she almost rocked into his hand.

"Do you have a problem with my outfit?" She arched a brow, loving this game.

He pressed up against her fully, caging her in against the table. The heat radiating off of his body made her want to rub against him. Naked.

"I have a problem with you being a tease," he growled into her ear. Pressed against her like this, she could feel how turned on he was. It was so difficult to not just give in, to lean up and kiss him, to let him take her right here and now. But he had to wait, it wasn't closing time yet.

Pushing down a smirk, she slipped out of his hold, turning her attention back to the table.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I really need to finish cleaning up."

Leaning exaggeratedly across the table to grab a mug, she could feel his eyes on her ass. He let out a quiet groan.

"Fuck, you-"

Whatever he had been about to say was cut off at the bell above the door tinkled. Rey quickly straightened, seeing an older man walk in and head for the counter.

Kylo cursed under his breath viciously.

...

At exactly eight, Rey locked the door, pulled the blinds down over the windows and turned off the main lights. The dimly lit cafe always felt so cozy to her when she closed but now the air just felt like it was crackling with electricity.

"I've got to do a few things," she called to Kylo, who was packing up his laptop.

With jitters in her stomach, she put away the money and closed up the safe. When she came back out of Poe's office, Kylo was leaning against a table near the counter.

"I just have to clean a few tables," she told him, grabbing a bottle of cleaner and a towel from under the counter. She intentionally skirted around him, knowing if she got too close, one of them would snap. He looked amused, a satisfied little smirk on his face. The jitters in her stomach intensified.

Crossing the cafe, Kylo followed her as she went over to one of the back tables, like a predatory cat stalking its prey. Her mind was blank with wordless excitement but she still walked steadily, stopping at the table and not looking at him. He came up directly behind her and without hesitating, he pulled the bottle and towel out of her hand, tossing them ground with a clatter.

"Hey," she exclaimed, spinning to face him. "That wasn't-"

He kissed her roughly, cutting off what she was saying. His tongue immediately plunged into her mouth, twisting with hers aggressively. It was impatient and frantic and so fucking sexy, all tongues and teeth.

They both moaned, the sound echoing around the empty cafe.

Kylo wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him as they kissed, and he tasted of need and desperation. Her blood boiled to think that _she_ had done that to him and she hitched a leg up around his hip, hands grasping at his shirt as she tried to keeping standing.

Backing up a step until she bumped against the table, he abruptly picked her up by the waist, perching her on the edge of the flat surface. His hips ground against hers, his erection hard and straining through his jeans. She widened her legs, bracing one arm behind her to hold herself up as his fingers dug into her bare thighs.

Rey let out a breathless gasp, clutching at him desperately as he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth. He was kissing her like he wanted to consume her. Then his hands slid up her body and ripped at the buttons on her shirt, tearing her blouse open so he could grab her breasts, palming them as her nipples stiffened, begging to be touched.

She couldn't find it in her to be upset as she heard buttons raining across the floor.

He pulled his mouth away from hers and took a step back to take his own shirt off, but froze, staring at her.

She felt completely ravaged and unbearably turned on as his eyes roamed over her. Sitting on the table, her skirt rucked up around her waist, legs spread so her black lace panties were showing, soaked and clinging to her. Her blouse ripped open and half hanging off her shoulders, nipples straining through the lace of a matching bra.

"Fucking hell," Kylo muttered to himself and Ret bit her lip, opening her legs wider.

He tore his shirt over his head, and without any warning, dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around her thighs to yank her to his mouth.

Rey cried out at her mouthed her through her panties, wrapping her legs around his shoulders and burying a hand in his thick, dark hair. He made a noise of approval against her as she tugged at him, urging him closer as his warm tongue parted her folds.

He didn't even try to take her underwear off, just pulling them aside so he could seal his mouth around her, tongue licking and flicking. He wasn't trying to take it easy or work her into it, just going at her like he couldn't get enough. He sucked her tender clit relentlessly, until she thought she'd scream, only to switch to long, hot, languid licks up and down.

Moaning loudly and bucking against his face, she could feel that hot knot already twisting in her stomach.

Kylo shoved two fingers into her slick entrance, pumping them in and out roughly and she had to bite her lip from screaming at how fucking good it felt. She was shaking and quivering around him, throwing her head back.

"Kylo, _fuck_ , you're going to make me come."

He hummed, the sound vibrating against her clit just as his fingers curled deeper inside of her, brushing that perfect spot right where she needed it.

She couldn't take it. His fingers moving steadily inside her, his tongue swirling and flicking her clit, lips hot and wet around her; she gave in, unraveling on his mouth.

He kept finger fucking her all through her orgasm but leaned back to watch her, eyes dark, pupils dilated.

Before she could catch her breath, her panting filling the space between them, he leaned back in.

"Kylo!" she squeaked, trying to pull him up but he resisted. "What are you-"

"Again," he rasped against her thigh, pulling his fingers free to rub her clit with firm, smooth movements.

Rey would have protested but he plunged his tongue into her and all she could do was moan.

His thumb pressed down on her swollen bundle of nerves, working in unwavering, tight circles and swipes. And his mouth, _his fucking mouth_ , was lapping at her, thrusting his tongue into her in sync with the movements of his fingers.

Her worked her to a second orgasm quickly, relentlessly working her sensitive clit and fucking her with his tongue. There was something about the way he pleased her, like he was so hungry for it, like he needed it too. It was the sexiest thing she had ever experienced.

As she came a second time, she glanced down, his eyes meeting hers from between her legs. He watched her eagerly, mouth and fingers never slowing down. She kept eye contact with him through the whole thing, the sight only intensifying her already earth shattering orgasm.

Collapsing back on the table, Rey tried to catch her breath, her whole body twitching like she'd been electrified. Holy fucking hell, she didn't know if she'd ever had two orgasms so close together. Her core was throbbing and aching, but in the best way possible.

Kylo stood up, pulling her to her feet as well, supporting her while she tried to find her knees.

He glanced down, smirking at the sight. "Black lace?"

"I thought you'd like it," she said weakly.

"Did you plan this?" he asked, a strange look in his eyes.

Rey gave him an innocent look, toying with the button on his jeans. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

The next thing she knew, he had spun her around and bent her over the table. Rey gasped, excitement and arousal thumping through her veins as he pressed against her. Her skirt was rucked up, her ass completely exposed to him.

"Did you plan this?" he repeated softly, and the fact she couldn't see him somehow turned her on more. The sound of his zipper was loud in the cafe and she tried to wiggle back but a firm hand on her spine held her in place. His slowly slipped her panties over her hips, letting them fall down around her ankles.

"I might have." She groaned as the hot tip of his cock brushed against her, just barely grazing her wetness.

He gently rocked against her, hovering right at her entrance. He was so _close_...

"Did you like teasing me all day?" he asked huskily, pressing forward so his length slid against her, fitting perfectly between her folds, his tip bumping her clit. She could only moan. He moved back and forth in a tantalizing motion, letting her feel every inch of him.

She whimpered when he pulled away completely, trying to move her hips back in search of him, but he wouldn't let her move an inch. _Fuck_ , Kylo being a dominating lover in bed was definitely something she had thought about but her fantasies didn't do it justice. Listening to his deep voice and letting him take control was driving her crazy. She could feel herself dripping wet for him.

He leaned forward and nipped her shoulder sharply, marking her. "I asked you a question," he said. "Did you like being a tease all day, knowing you'd get fucked after work? Did you imagine this, me taking you over a table and making you come?"

Rey couldn't resist glancing over her shoulder and the sight nearly made her heart stop.

Kylo was towering over her, raven hair hanging in his face, broad shoulders blocking the light. He was staring at her bent over the table before him, his hand lazily moving up and down the length of his swollen erection, which was glistening with a mixture of his precome and her wetness. Seeing him touch himself to her... there were no words.

Their eyes met and she swallowed loudly.

"Yes," she admitted, unbearably aroused. She shifted on the table, spreading her legs slightly wider and he groaned. "I liked teasing you, liked thinking about you sitting there, watching me and getting turned on. I thought about you fucking me on a table, over the counter, against the wall, letting me riding you on the floor. I thought about coming over and crawling under your table to suck you off."

Rey heard Kylo's breath catch as she told him these things.

" _Shit_ ," he swore violently, from between gritted teeth.

Then he was finally inside her in one swift movement, filling her to the hilt with a fleshly slap against her ass. A loud whimper left her at the feeling of being pleasurably stretched, of her wet heat wrapping around every inch of him.

"You drive me fucking crazy," he growled, grabbing her hips forcefully to hold her still. She could feel every pulse, every throb of his cock as he held himself still inside of her. Just for a moment, just to show her that he was in control.

Then he started moving, pulling out slowly, only to thrust back in roughly, as deep as he could. The torturous rhythm destroyed her.

"Harder," she begged, reaching for any part of the table the could hold onto so she could roll her hips back into him, meeting his teasing thrusts.

"I'm not going to last long," he ground out.

Rey didn't care, just wanted him to take her, to fill her. "Just fuck me," she panted. " _Please_."

After the smallest of hesitations, he did as she asked, hips slapping against hers in a frantic, relentless rhythm. She couldn't do anything other than press up into him, angling her hips to let him slide in a fraction deeper, both of them groaning at the feeling.

"You feel so good, so fucking good." She could hear how close he was to finishing in his voice, how much he was trying to hold back.

He bent over her, pulling her up slightly to reach around and slip a hand under her bra. Rey keened as his hand cupped her breast, fingers twisting and pinching at her nipple, fucking her over the table desperately.

The feeling of him inside her, it was like she was made for him. The slick slide of his cock moving in and out of her body, hitting her just right... she never wanted it to end. They were perfect together, she knew it.

He slowed down for a second to work his second hand between them, diving down to press and work her clit.

There were too many sensations happening at once. His hands were everywhere, his hips meeting hers with wet, obscene sounds. He was sending her quickly spinning towards a third orgasm, something she hadn't even realized she could do.

"Rey," Kylo gasped against her, his breath hot against her skin. "Come with me. I want to feel you."

She was helpless to resist, clinging to the table with everything she had as she tipped over the edge and orgasmed. She could feel herself gushing around his cock, back arching against him as every bit of her body focused on the pulsing heat of her core as the most intense pleasure she'd ever felt coursed through her body.

Kylo groaned loudly as she came, his thrusts stuttering, the rhythm broken.

She felt him follow a second later, body stilling, coming inside her with hot, pulsing bursts that rocked against her sensitive core. He leaned against her gently as he came, filling her deep inside with liquid heat.

Whispering her name, arms shaking around her, he pulled out and she felt wetness dripping down her thighs and slicking on her skin.

Rey stayed still for a second, her legs sore from supporting her. Kylo's warm hand came down to rub soothingly up and down her spine, even as he struggled to catch his breath.

 _Holy fuck._ That was by far, the kinkiest, greatest sex she had ever had. And her poor body was really going to be hating her tonight. But Jesus, somehow having sex with Kylo just made her want him more.

"Poe's going to murder us," she finally got out, laughing at the thought.

Kylo's soft chuckle sounded behind her, sounding a little self-conscious. Who would have thought that quiet, awkward Kylo Ren was a monster in bed? Like, she'd obviously thought about it but damn.

Poe was right, it always was the quiet ones.

 _ **I should probably apologize for this chapter but I'm not going to. I spent 10+ chapters waiting for them to get together, so I'm going to write some smut, damn it haha I personally love the idea of Kylo being this big, self-conscious, awkward teddy bear but then a hungry beast in bed *fans self* Don't worry, I'll get back to the story next chapter ;)**_


	13. Chapter 13

Rey would like to say that she and Kylo didn't spend her whole day off holed up in his apartment, but that would be a lie.

She woke up early that morning to a knock on her door.

Kylo stood there, dressed in black plaid pajama pants and a faded tee shirt.

"Let me make you breakfast," he said as she gave him an inquiring look upon opening the door.

Pulling her silky robe around her a little tighter, she laughed at the unexpected invitation. She hadn't even brushed her hair yet.

"Okay," she agreed, surprised and delighted. "I'd like that."

He stepped back to let her walk through the door and close it behind her, trailing after him to his apartment, barefoot and in her pajamas and robe.

She hadn't ever spent a prolonged period of time in his apartment and while it was always clean and his furniture was definitely nicer than hers, it always made her a little sad to see such a lack of personal items. There were no photos or knick-knacks on shelves.

Following him, she sat on one of the stools at his kitchen bar, watching as he moved around, opening cupboards and pulling out a mixing bowl and a pan. She knew better than to offer to help him... she preferred watching anyways.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked softly, pulling a carton of eggs from the fridge.

"Yes," she said honestly, then smiled. "But if you're making me food, you can wake me up early whenever you'd like."

He chuckled deeply, ruffling his already messy hair. "I don't know if I've ever met someone with an appreciation for food like you."

Rey felt her mouth twist into a bitter smile before she could stop it. Kylo noticed and gave her a questioning look.

"When you're growing up and don't know when your next meal is, food becomes this sort of holy thing." Rey picked at the hem of her robe, hating to remember those days. "I stayed with one family who only let me eat scraps and leftovers after everyone was done. And that was if they remembered. Sometimes I'd have to dig through the garbage after they went to sleep just to get some food."

Kylo didn't say anything but she could see his shoulders stiffen.

"Plutt, the last man I lived with, didn't really bother to feed me at all. But I wasn't allowed to use the kitchen so I could only eat things I could find that didn't require cooking. The options were fairly limited."

The way he was looking at her made her want to fidget in her seat. She suddenly felt bad for bringing the mood down with her depressing childhood.

"So I guess you know who to blame for my abysmal cooking skills now," she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Crossing the kitchen, Kylo came around the counter, spinning her stool around so she faced him.

His warm brown eyes stared into hers as his hand came up to gently brush the side of her face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'll cook for you every single day, if that's what you want," he told her honestly, the look in his eyes overwhelming tender.

Rey felt an unexpected ball of emotion rising in her throat. It had been a long time since someone had wanted to take care of her like that. And she could see in his eyes that he would do it, for her, something so silly and over the top, but that might make her happy.

She leaned forward and captured his lips in a soft, heartfelt kiss.

"You're sweet," she muttered against him. "And apparently want me to gain a hundred pounds."

He let out a little huff of laughter against her mouth, pulling away and shaking his head.

Kylo made them omelets and crispy herb potatoes, joining her at the counter to eat. There was something so lovely and intimate about sitting in the kitchen with him, early morning light streaming through the windows, enjoying a delicious breakfast.

Afterward, he picked her up and took her into the bedroom, stripping her and laying her out on his soft black sheets.

They had time today and it showed in the way Kylo explored and worshipped her body, caressing and kissing every inch. She writhed against him, simultaneously loving and hating the sweet torture.

In the end, she climbed onto his lap, letting him slide into her with a delicious ease. He held her, covering her neck and shoulders in soft kisses as she rocked on top of him slowly. Kylo looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, letting her move at her own pace, content to smooth his hands up and down any inch of skin he could reach.

Rey had never felt more connected with someone than she did as she stared into his expressive eyes, working herself over him steadily, feeling every sensation and movement. It felt like... making love.

There was something so powerful about observing him, seeing what made him gasp and shiver, and being in control of it. When he came inside of her, moaning her name and clutching her against him desperately, Rey had the satisfaction of knowing that she had done it to him.

They laid in bed, holding each other sleepily as the day went on. Rey rested her head on his arm and traced the scars scattered across his chest.

"Tell me about your father," she eventually said, anticipating the slight stiffening of his body.

"You want to talk about my father after we just had sex?" He was intentionally trying to make light of it but she could tell it was a sensitive subject.

Rey poked his firm chest playfully. "Don't make me sound like a weirdo. You never talk about him and he hasn't come to see you with your mom."

Kylo took a deep breath, giving himself a moment before speaking.

"My father... he died a few years ago."

Rey flattened her palm against his chest, feeling the beat of his heart. "I didn't know, I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize... How could you have known?" He was trying to sound unaffected but she could hear the unresolved pain in his voice.

"How did he die?" she asked gently.

"I actually don't know." Rey glanced at his face, only to find his eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling. "It was after I left so I only found out about it from the news. A sickness of some sort was what it said."

Rey bit her lip, sadness crashing over her. For Kylo to have not been there when his father passed, and to hear about it from the news... She couldn't imagine the emotions he had felt, the sorrow and pain.

"He found me once, a few months before he died," he said softly, obviously heavy with guilt. "I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or if he had tracked me down somehow. He asked me to come home, told me he was sorry for not being there for me."

There was a heavy pause but Rey let him take his time. She already knew how this was going to go.

Kylo swallowed heavily. "I told him to leave me alone, that he wasn't my father anymore. That I could never forgive him and that I never wanted to see him again. Then I left him, just standing there in the street and he watched me go without a word. I found out that he'd died two months later."

Though he sounded steady, a tear slipped down his face from the corner of his eye. The regret he felt must have torn him up inside. That he had never reconciled with his father before his death would probably haunt him forever, to some degree.

"Will you tell me about him?" she asked, leaning up to kiss the salty track left by his tear.

Contemplating for a second, he seemed uncertain about what to say.

"He was a good man," he muttered. "But not a very good father."

"It's okay to think that, even though he's gone," Rey told him, knowing he probably felt conflicted.

He shrugged, shoulders lifting against her. "He wasn't always like that. When I was a kid, he meant the world to me. I wanted to be just like him and even though I don't think he planned on being a father, he wanted to be a good one."

"But then, he and mother started having problems and he left to travel a lot. I think when he came back and saw that I was becoming a bit of a mommy's boy and was bookish and quiet, he just didn't know what to do with me. I wasn't the son he imagined having and we both knew it."

"That couldn't have been easy to deal with as a child." Even though Rey's parents had abandoned her and obviously didn't care about her, she didn't have to grow up seeing their disappointment every day. She supposed she was lucky in that way.

Kylo shrugged again. "He was an honest man, couldn't hide a thing in his face or his eyes. My mother loved and hated it."

Though she wouldn't tell him, Rey thought he must have inherited his expressive eyes from his father.

"What about you? Did you love or hate it?"

"I couldn't hate him for, not when he still tried up until the last time I saw him," he admitted quietly. "But I couldn't love something that pushed us apart. I think I could have appreciated a lie, even if I knew it was one."

Rey could understand that. She lied to herself every time she went to a new family, telling herself it was her home and she would be loved and accepted there.

"Was there anything you did love or hate about him?" she questioned.

Kylo laughed softly. "You're especially inquisitive today."

"Excuse me for being interested in your life," she sniffed.

"I just can't remember the last time I was asked so many questions," he explained, running a finger up and down her arm. "It's strange to talk about something I've kept to myself for so long."

Rey immediately felt bad for prying. "You don't have to answer if it's making you uncomfortable."

Kylo was quiet for a second, like he was trying to figure out how he felt.

"It's a good strange, I think." He sounded surprised and it warmed her heart to hear. "And to answer your question, yes. I loved that he would take the time to explain and show how things worked to me, always patiently. That he never got irritated by my millions of questions. That he taught me the difference between right and wrong and the gray in between. But I hated that he left."

There was nothing to really say about so they just laid there in silence for a minute, holding each other.

Rey gently traced a thin scar right below his collarbone. He had a number across his torso, little white slashes marring his smooth skin.

"Are these all from Snoke?" she asked tentatively, needing to ask but hating to even say his name.

"Yes," he murmured, arm tightening reflexively around her.

Rey bit her lip as she brushed her fingers over several more. "They look painful."

"They were." He took a deep breath. "But I'm not afraid of pain anymore."

The simple way that he said it felt like a punch to the heart. Just looking at the map of scars across his body, she couldn't begin to fathom the depth of suffering he went through.

"What are you afraid of then?" she whispered. This sad, brave, beautiful man who still managed to cling to shreds of hope, who let himself be touched and intimate with another person, after all he went through... surely he couldn't be afraid of anything.

Rey twisted slightly and propped herself up so she could study his face. He didn't look annoyed or upset with her questioning, just uncertain.

"I'm afraid of letting my mother die alone and without knowing that I still love her," he responded softly. "And of being restrained, without control."

The first one was obvious, and at that moment, Rey swore that she would figure out a way to bring Leia and Kylo back together to heal. But the second was so oddly specific that it took her a second to figure it out.

"Something to thank Snoke for?" she said, hearing the hatred in her own voice.

Kylo's eyes went dark and he looked away. "Yes. He always tied me down or restrained me in so way, just to do it, for the power and control. There was this- this room in his basement where he would always take me. It had this crimson-colored furniture, so he didn't have to worry about blood, and black floors, so glossy they were reflective. So I would always have to look at myself when-"

He cut off suddenly with a violent shudder.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, putting a hand over his eyes. "You don't need to hear that."

Rey wasn't going to lie, it was difficult to listen to this. Not because she was disgusted or ashamed of Kylo, but because of the horror of his situation. The thought him tied up and forced to look into the reflection of his own eyes while Snoke abused him made her feel slimy and shaken to her very core.

She pulled his hand away from his face gently, kissing his palm. He wouldn't look at her, eyes closed and lashes damn.

"Never apologize for sharing anything about yourself," she whispered fiercely. "Not to me."

Rolling over, she straddled him, hovering over his hips. She leaned down, pressing soft lingering kisses to every scar she could reach.

Rey kissed the marks until he stopped shaking beneath her, until he opened his lovely eyes and watched her, his expression raw.

She let him pull her up and kiss her until she was gasping for air.

...

Rey stayed the night, thrilling in being able to sleep in bed with Kylo. He had woken her up, whimpered and twitching, but she had rubbed him soothingly until he calmed back down and drifted to better dreams.

Knowing that she had helped him, even just for one night, had sent her back to sleep with a smile on her face.

But in the morning, she had to pull herself away. They had skipped over a lot of stages of traditional dating and living next door to each other added to the strangeness of their situation. But she wasn't clingy and as much as she wanted to spend her second day off in Kylo's bed, she really needed to shower and brush her teeth.

He surprisingly nodded when she told him she needed to go home.

"Good, I actually have a surprise for you today. If you want to shower and get dressed, we can leave after?" He phrased the whole thing hesitantly, like a question he wasn't sure he was allowed to ask.

Rey shook her head, thinking they really needed to work on him constantly expecting her to say no or not wanting to spend time with him. If only it wasn't so fucking adorable.

But more importantly, did he say a surprise? For her?

She agreed quickly and he chuckled.

"Do I get a hint?" she asked, slipping out of bed and trying to find her clothes. Kylo watched her move around the room naked, undisguised heat in his eyes.

"Uh... I hope you like it."

Rolling her eyes, she wiggled her shirt over her head. "That's not a hint. But I'll let it slide, just this once, since you're obviously inexperienced in the art of hint-giving."

Kylo threw his head back and laughed, the carefree image making Rey pause and admire him.

"How dare you mock suck a sophisticated skill?" Rey tried her best to sound outraged. "I'm outta here."

She stomped out of his room.

"Does that mean you don't want your surprise?" he called after her, obviously suppressing more laughter.

She poked her head back in the room. "Well, I didn't say that..."

Kylo grinned. "I'll see you in an hour."

...

An hour and a half later, they were driving down one of the main city streets, in an area close to the cafe. Kylo refused to tell her where they were going and she was fidgeting in her seat with a mixture of nervousness and excitement. Surprises made her anxious, but in an intoxicating sort of way, like how you enjoy being afraid when you're watching a scary movie.

She watched out the window for any indication of where they were going, but she wasn't very familiar with this area so it wasn't until they turned into the parking lot that she realized.

Rey gasped in delight and could tell that Kylo heard her from the small smile on his face.

"I've been meaning to come but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to leave," she admitted as they parked in front of the animal shelter.

Once inside, he went and spoke quietly with the red-haired, motherly looking woman at the front desk. Rey took the chance to study the shelter, impressed with how clean and nice it looked. It was very open and welcoming, a display selling various pet supplies and two doors with cartoon cats and dogs on them.

Kylo came and took her hand as the woman came around her desk and led them to the right door.

"We put him in the playroom for you," she told them with a kind smile. "He's a lively one, a few of our volunteers are rather attached to him."

Rey smiled at the thought of the stray cat getting all the attention here. He always had been a little charmer.

They stopped at a wall of glass and inside the room, the stray batted lazily at a toy mouse on the floor. Rey was relieved to see there were no visible signs of the injury he had sustained.

Her breath caught as the woman opened the door and gestured for them to go in.

"Just come back to the front desk when you're finished," she told Kylo, closing the door behind them.

The cat immediately perked up, turning to see who was visiting.

Crouching down, Rey had a moment of nervousness that he wouldn't remember her. But he let out a little chirping meow and ran over, rubbing his head into her outstretched hand.

"Hey buddy," she whispered, feeling unexpected emotion rising in her throat. His orange coat was glossy and clean, free of matting, and he was obviously healed up. His golden eyes were just as sweet as always. And when he climbed into her lap, he was heavier than she remembered.

"You're getting those three square meals a day, huh?"

He meowed indignantly, purring like a little engine on her lap.

Kylo sat down next to her, tentatively reaching over to rub the cat behind his ears.

"Hey there, hero," he teased, scratching his chin. "How am I supposed to give you a hard time now, huh?"

Rey rested her head against his shoulder, pushing down the lump in her throat.

She didn't want to be overdramatic, but this cat could honestly be the reason she was still alive. And she couldn't thank him or explain to him how much it meant to her that he had protected her that night. He'd been her friend almost since she started working at the cafe, making her feel less alone during a stressful point in her life.

Kylo wiggled a feather toy in front of the cat, chuckling when he just rolled over and stared at him, obviously wondering why his belly wasn't getting rubbed.

The minutes passed but Rey didn't want to leave. What if someone adopted him and she never saw him again? Obviously, she wanted him to go to a nice home but she couldn't imagine not having him in her life.

"I don't want to say goodbye," she told Kylo wistfully.

He gave her a strange sort of smile. "Well... you don't have to if you don't want to."

"What do you mean?"

"If you want, he's yours." Kylo watched as her eyes widened. "You can bring him home with you today."

Rey spluttered, completely thrown. "But- but- the adoption fees? And my apartment, the landlord said no pets!"

He looked amused by her concerns. "I've taken care of everything here, you just have to answer a few questions and fill out some paperwork. And I spoke with the landlord. After a little convincing, he agreed to let me pay a pet deposit, with the assurance that the cat wouldn't be an issue and that we don't tell any neighbors."

Rey's jaw felt like it was hanging down to her knees. "You didn't have to do that! I- I don't even know what to say."

He took her hand in his. "Don't feel pressured to say yes if you don't want to. I didn't want to be presumptuous but I wanted everything to be lined up if you wanted him."

"I've never owned a cat before," she said weakly, smoothing her free hand down his soft coat. He reached back to give her finger a raspy lick.

Kylo laughed softly. "I think you just feed them and pet them and clean their litterbox." His smile faded, eyes going serious. "He can keep you company and you can take care of each other."

Rey's heart swelled at his words and the thought of bringing the cat home with her. She'd never taken care of another living thing before, could she give him the life he deserved? But then she thought about coming home every night to him waiting for her, curled on her lap while she read or hanging out in the kitchen while she cooked. Kylo was right, they could take care of each other.

"I want him," she said confidently, feeling the rightness of the words.

Kylo's answering grin just confirmed that she'd made the right choice.

...

The woman at the front desk had been thrilled to hear that the cat would be coming home with them. She had Rey sign a few things, giving her paperwork on his shots and microchip, sending another woman to get him packed up in a carrier.

"We'll be sad to see him go," she said honestly.

"He's a special cat," Rey agreed, unable to wipe the dumb smile off of her face. He _was_ a special cat and now he was _her_ cat.

Kylo helped her pick out some supplies, a litterbox, food and water bowls, food, and a collar, complete with a little silver bell.

"Is this your first time adopting a pet together?" the woman asked kindly, ringing them up.

"Oh..." Rey floundered for a second. They weren't really adopting together, the woman made it sound like they were taking him home to play with their kids in the yard.

"We don't live together," Kylo interjected awkwardly, twin pink spots on his cheekbones.

The woman just smiled knowingly, bagging their supplies up.

The cat was brought out in a carrier, meowing happily when he was handed over to Rey. His golden eyes peered out at her.

She and Kylo thanked them, and she carried the cat protectively to the car, both arms wrapped around the carrier, while Kylo loaded his arms with all the bags.

The drive back to the apartment was pretty quiet, Rey wiggling her fingers through the holes to pet the cat, Kylo watching her out of the corner of his eye. He had this warm smile on his face that made her want to kiss him senseless.

Inside her apartment, she let the cat out and he scurried around, sniffing things curiously. He eyed the coffee table suspiciously, reaching out a paw to touch it then jumping back. After watching him for a second, she turned to Kylo, knowing she probably looked ridiculous with her wet eyes and cheeks aching from smiling so much.

"Thank you," she said, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. "This is the best surprise I've ever gotten."

"You being happy is all the thanks I need," he told her softly, running a gentle hand through her hair.

She stood on her tiptoes, pressing a firm kiss to his lips.

"I need to name him," she muttered against his mouth before pulling away.

Kylo watched the cat for a second as he rubbed against the couch then flopped over to roll on the carpet, fluffy belly up.

"How about Butterball?" Kylo said, looking like he was trying not to laugh. "Poor guy is packing on those pounds."

"He's healthy!" she defended. "We can't name him that, it's disgraceful for such a majestic creature."

He gave her an incredulous look. "He's chubby. It's a fitting name and you know it."

Rey giggled, not able to deny it. The cat was definitely rocking a plump belly but it just made him more cuddly.

"Okay," she admitted. "Butterball is a good name. But we're calling him BB for short."

Kylo grinned triumphantly. "BB it is."

 _ **Yay, the heroic BB kitty is back! I know everyone was hoping he would end up with them somehow, it made me feel so predictable but I couldn't not have Rey adopt him. I know the beginning was a bit slower with lots of talking, but I want Rey and Kylo to start learning little tidbits about each other and slowly get better about sharing. Thanks everyone!**_


	14. Chapter 14

Kylo was frowning angrily at his phone, a deep furrow between his brows.

"Everything okay?" Rey asked, placing his mug of tea on the table.

He huffed, setting his phone down a little harder than necessary. "Fucking Hux is coming here. He wants to meet and talk about this book deal, I guess there's news about it or some shit."

She arched an eyebrow at his aggravated tone. He had made it more than clear how he felt about his editor but this reaction seemed a little uncalled for.

"Is there a problem with him coming here?"

"He's a dick," he said bluntly. "I don't want him around you."

Rey let out a laugh. "I think I can handle your grumpy editor. I am a big girl, I know how to deal with jerks."

Kylo didn't look convinced but kept his opinion to himself. "Just remember, I warned you. He'll be here in a few minutes."

As it turned out, she noticed immediately when he walked through the door.

Slender, ginger-haired and wrapped in a black wool coat, he strode through the door, looking like he smelled something bad. The expression only intensified as he looked around.

Rey fought back a grin. Somehow, he was exactly how she had imagined.

He spotted Kylo at the back table and made his way over. She gave them a minute to catch up and sit down before heading over.

"Who's that with lover boy?" Poe asked, giving Hux an appraising look.

"Don't even think about checking him out," Rey said forcefully. "Trust me on this on this one."

Hux had taken his jacket off and sat down, so Rey hurried over, fleeing Poe's presence.

She didn't know if Kylo had mentioned her to Hux or told him they were together, so she just decided to be professional at first.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" she asked him politely, meeting Kylo's eyes for a second and having to bite her lip to avoid grinning. Hux didn't miss the look they gave each other.

He glanced at them, then stared at her silently for a second, before sighing insufferably.

"Really, Kylo? I'm assuming this is the girl who's been distracting you so much lately. With how you've been acting, I thought she'd be prettier."

Rey felt her hackles raise. He was talking like she wasn't standing right here. She recognized his attitude though, he was clearly someone who liked to put other people down and make them feel stupid so he could tell himself he was superior.

Suddenly, she understood why Kylo hated him but respected him as an editor. Work was probably all Hux had going for him so he undoubtedly gave it his complete focus.

Kylo's face turned dangerous. "I'll throw you out of here if you can't stop being a prick for more than two seconds. Apologize."

Hux ignored him completely, turning back to Rey. He looked confused that she was still standing there. "I'm sorry, I apparently wasn't clear enough. No, I don't want whatever sludge you no doubt pass off as coffee here. You're dismissed back to your grimy little kitchen."

Rey couldn't help it, she burst into laughter.

Hux looked confused and appalled.

"Holy fuck, you weren't kidding," she told Kylo once she'd stopped laughing.

Turning to Hux, she cleared her throat. "Listen, I get that you're obviously trying really hard to intimidate me with your superior intellect since you look like a little ginger weasel, but it's not going to work. I've seen your type before and I'm not impressed, let alone intimidated."

His cheeks turned scarlet and he opened his mouth to interrupt but Rey kept going.

"You don't have to like me, that's fine since I sure as hell don't like you. But maybe, if you sit there like a good little boy and keep your unpleasant opinions to yourself, I can scrounge something to help you with that giant stick up your ass."

He blinked twice, like she'd punched him in the face.

"Good start," she told him, turning back to Kylo, who was looking at her with a peculiar expression. The heat in his eyes could be anger from Hux's earlier comment, but it made her shiver in a deliciously familiar way.

"I'll get you more tea," she said, a bit thrown by his look.

Back at the counter, she could see that Hux was ranting, looking pissed. He gestured in her direction a few times and Rey bit her lip, feeling instantly regretful. He was Kylo's editor, an important person when it came to getting his book published, and she hadn't managed to be nice for more than two seconds. Sure, he started it, but she should have know better.

Kylo leaned back in his chair, looking exasperated but slightly amused. He said something and after a second, Hux shook his head then reached into his shoulder bag to pull out some papers.

They spoke for a few minutes and strangely enough, Kylo glanced over at her a few times, rather unhappily. Oh hell, had she really messed something up?

She waited anxiously until Hux got up to leave, stopping at the counter first.

"I'll have you know," he told Rey imperiously. "Ren has been impossible to work with lately and I completely blame you. You're making my job hell."

Rey just stared at him, not feeling that he deserved a response.

He just huffed and left, letting the door shut loudly behind him.

She took Kylo's new mug of tea over to him, joining him at the table, taking the seat Hux had vacated. He looked lost in thought, fingers drumming on the flat surface.

"So, how badly did I mess that up?" she asked, already bracing herself for his response.

"What?" He pulled himself away from his thoughts, looking confused.

"Hux? You kept giving me this look, like you were mad." She twisted her fingers together nervously. If she had to, she'd chase Hux down in the street and get down on her knees an apologize. Surely that would appeal to his giant ego.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, it wasn't that. Hux was fine, he loves to bitch but I think he actually likes you."

Rey doubted that. "You aren't upset I was rude to your editor?"

Kylo chuckled. "No, he deserved that. Plus, it was kind of hot to watch you verbally stomp him like that." He gave her a lingering look.

She felt herself blush. That explained the heat in his eyes then.

Clearing her throat, she changed the subject. "What did you look so upset about then? Is everything going okay with the book deal?"

He nodded slowly. "Everything's great actually. They want to fly me over to New York next week to go over some stuff with them. I'd be gone for a few days, maybe a week."

"Oh." Rey felt her expression turn sour and forced into back to neutral. She wasn't some goddamn teenager, she could survive a few days without her boyfriend. Maybe some time apart would be good, they'd been seeing each other nearly every day.

She didn't feel very convinced.

"That's great," she told him. "I'm really excited for you." And she meant it, this was obviously a big deal. He'd been working for years to get this book published.

He watched her carefully. "You're okay if I go?"

Rey laughed. "You don't have to ask my permission to do things, I'm not your master."

Kylo visibly flinched at the word.

Shit. Fucking smooth.

"What I mean," she said quickly, reaching across the table to grab his hand. "Is that, of course, I'm fine with it. You'd be crazy to not go."

Nodding silently, he looked away.

Rey felt like she should say something more. That she'd miss him like crazy, that he had to go but she didn't want him to. But the words got stuck in her throat. She didn't want to be that sort of girlfriend, acting all clingy and making him feel bad.

So they just sat there silently for a second as she searched for something to say. The quiet felt awkward, something she hadn't felt in a while.

"I guess I'll go then," Kylo finally said, and Rey couldn't help but feel like she'd messed up somewhere in there.

...

They tried to make the most of the few days they had before he left.

Rey had never lived next door to someone she was seeing and it there was definitely a learning curve. How was she supposed to not constantly spend time with Kylo when he was literally just on the other side of the wall? And it was so strange to say goodnight to him, go get in bed, and listen to him do the same.

But they both seemed to understand that even if it felt silly and forced, it was good to have some time away from each other. No matter how much Rey loathed it.

At least she had BB to keep her company though. He instantly made himself comfortable in her little apartment and loved to curl up at the foot of her bed at night, like he was watching over her in her sleep.

Two nights before he was supposed to leave, Rey woke up suddenly, her heart pounding.

BB's golden eyes were staring at her, ears pricked up.

A deep, pained sounding moan came through the wall.

Rey sighed, sitting up. It had been a while since she'd had to listen to this. A self-centered part of her had hoped that she'd been making a difference, helping drive the nightmares away. Things were never that easy though, were they?

Kylo cried out and her heart felt like it was going to rip its way from her chest.

She pushed herself from bed, grabbing her robe and throwing it on. She wasn't going to sit here and listen to this. Not anymore.

Rey made it all the way to his apartment door then stopped, biting her lip uncertainly. Should she just knock and hope it woke him up? Or should she go back for her phone and try to call him?

Out of all the things they'd been through, this shouldn't be making her feel uncomfortable but it was. There wasn't any sort of etiquette for this situation.

She knocked loudly, listening intently.

Silence.

Shit. She hated to even think it but she knew how to pick locks. It was one of the necessary skills she'd taught herself in foster care. But picking his lock and coming into his apartment uninvited had to be crossing some sort of line, even if she was trying to help, right?

Thankfully, before she could decide, she heard Kylo stumbling to the door.

"Rey? What is it?" He was red-eyed, messy-haired and shirtless. She could see on his face that he knew he'd been having nightmares, maybe part of him still stuck there since she'd yanked him from his sleep.

"Come to bed with me," she told him kindly, holding out her hand. She couldn't bear the thought of him crawling back to his room bed, alone with his thoughts and memories. She wanted to hold him and know that he was resting peacefully next to her. She needed to be here for him right now.

He nodded slowly, taking her hand and letting her lead him back to her place.

BB was waiting for them anxiously at the door, rubbing against Kylo's ankles when they headed to her room.

Rey guided him into her bed, then turned the hallway light on and cracked the door.

When she turned back around, he looked like a small child, blankets pulled to his chin. Her heart gave an affection throb at the sight.

Sliding underneath the blankets, she tucked herself against him, rubbing slow, soothing circles on his chest.

"Go to sleep, you're safe here," she whispered, feeling him take a deep shuttering breath.

"Thank you," he mumbled into the darkness.

There was a soft rustle and Rey lifted her head slightly to see BB had joined them, curling up on Kylo's other side. Apparently, he wasn't only her protector.

Rey held Kylo, stroking him until his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm and he had fallen asleep. Soft light from the sunrise was starting to filter in through the windows, illuminating his peaceful face.

She watched him until her own eyelids grew heavy and she drifted off against his warm body.

...

In the morning, Rey woke up before Kylo. She slipped silently from the bed, getting dressed as quietly as possible, needing to head to the cafe soon. Seeing how serene Kylo looked, she couldn't bear to wake him, not when he needed uninterrupted sleep so desperately.

So she set a glass of water on the bedside table with a note she scribbled quickly and snuck out the front door, shutting it softly behind her.

Yawning, she opened up the cafe, giving Poe a sleepy smile. She was relieved that she was able to help Kylo out in some way, but hated the thought of having to go bang on his apartment door and wake him every time it happened. Would it be too forward of her to offer to spend the nights with him or visa versa? They already ended up sleeping together a few times a week and they lifted next door to each other so it wasn't a stretch. But was that too soon?

Rey sighed, trying to focus on the coffee she was making. Nothing about their relationship was traditional and it was throwing her off. It was definitely too soon to bring up them staying nights at each other's places. He was leaving in a few days, they could talk about it when they got back, she supposed, feeling dissatisfied.

Kylo texted her a few hours later to apologize for oversleeping and to let her know he had fed BB. She grinned at the thought of them hanging out. BB had grown on Kylo, not matter how much he denied it.

 _Glad you got some sleep,_ she responded. _Sorry about waking you last night. Wasn't quite sure what to do but figured picking your lock wasn't a good idea ;)_

She was playing it off as a joke since he had no idea how close she came to doing just that.

It took Kylo a while to respond and Rey kept glancing at her phone nervously, worried that she shouldn't have brought it up.

Finally, it buzzed in her back pocket.

 _Probably not. I have something I have to do today, can you catch a ride home with Poe?_

Yikes. Anxiety churned in her stomach. Was he upset about last night or that she had brought it up over text? She texted him back confirmation that she'd get a ride from Poe, waiting to see if he said anything else. He didn't.

Maybe she had crossed a line that she hadn't realized was there. Perhaps Kylo had been trying to keep his nightmares separate from Rey and she had just barged in and assumed he'd want her help.

So after work, she just went home, ignoring the little voice in her head urging her to go see him. If he wanted space, she'd respect that. She didn't want to make things worse if he was mad or avoiding her.

But around nine, he knocked on her door.

She let him in, noticing his nervous expression as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm sorry about last night." she blurted out, then wanted to hit herself.

He frowned. "What are you apologizing for?"

"I... I thought you might be upset that I bothered you," Rey explained. "You know, waking you up in the middle of the night to come sleep with me. We haven't talked much about your... nightmares, so I wasn't sure if I'd crossed a line."

Kylo looked genuinely perplexed. "No. Rey, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh." She felt like an idiot. Of course, she was overthinking things as always. She'd spent all day worrying about something that Kylo obviously hadn't even thought much about.

He took her hand in his. "I'm sorry I made you nervous, I should have said something when I texted you. I just wanted to thank you in person. And I really did have something to do go do." That nervous expression was back on his face.

"Everything okay?" Rey asked, tilting her head back to see him better.

He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "I don't really know anything about being in a relationship. I don't know the right time to wait for things or if I'm moving too fast. I'm just kind of going with what feels right with you." He spoke quickly, the words flying out of his mouth.

"Uh..." Rey wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to respond to that. His obvious nerves were making her nervous.

But he continued before she could respond anyways.

"I just- I wanted to give you this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out something that flashed in the light, pressing it into her hand.

She looked down and a key stared back up at her.

"It's to my apartment. I had one made for you. Obviously," he laughed awkwardly, clearly feeling self conscious. "I just want you to be able to come over if you need or want to, or like last night. Or for anything, whenever. I know I'm about to leave so it's silly but-"

Rey cut him off by looping her arms around his neck and pulling him down so she could kiss him fiercely.

He was giving her more than just a key to his place. Kylo was an intensely personal person and he was giving her a way to come into his home, to get behind his walls whenever she wanted. It showed her just how serious he was about them and how much he valued her. And it was a solution to her problem of wanting to be there for him at night but not able to.

He was saying that he wanted her to be there for him.

Kylo's arms wrapped around her, lifting her up onto the tips of her toes. A pleased sound rumbled in the back of his throat when her hand that wasn't clutching the key slipped up to twist in his thick, dark hair.

"You've gotta stop showing me up," she muttered against his mouth. "First BB and now this. I haven't given you anything."

"You know that's not true," he said, putting a few inches of space between their faces so he could look her in the eyes. "You have to know that."

Rey bit her lip. She didn't like to think about her insecurities but there was no denying that this relationship was a little uneven. He was a gorgeous, soon to be author and a politician's son, who cooked for her, gave her gifts and pleasured her like it was his single purpose in life. She was just a boring barista at a small cafe with trust and abandonment issues.

Though those thoughts invaded her mind sometimes, she didn't let them affect their relationship. Her and Kylo were a good match somehow, she could feel it.

So she pushed those insecurities down and grinned up at him. "Yes, you're very lucky to have me," she teased. "Someone so _generous_ and so _giving_."

"Don't forget humble," he added with a smirk.

She laughed, letting him pull her back in for another kiss.

...

The day that Kylo had to leave came up too quickly. Poe gave her the morning off so she could spend it with him and say goodbye.

She had spent the night at his place, and he woke her up in the morning with his mouth between her thighs under the blankets. She'd tried to return the favor in the shower, sinking to her knees, but only a minute into it, he'd lifted her up and taken her against the shower wall.

Though he would be gone less than a week and Rey prided herself on being strong and independent, she was still upset he was leaving. She knew she should take the time to catch up with Finn and Poe, and indulge in some time just to herself, but Kylo had become such a huge part of her life.

She knew she grew attached easily and let people wiggle their way into her heart against her better judgement but knowing didn't make her feel any less strongly. The days were going to be so slow and lonely without him to look forward to.

A giant part of her also worried that he might start to rethink things after getting some space from her. She knew that it was her fear of abandonment just coming to hang over her head like a dark cloud and tried to ignore it. But she couldn't help but think that it was inevitable for him to leave and think about her. What if those thoughts led to him realizing he'd made a mistake?

Rey laid on his bed and watched him pack. He was anxious, though he tried to hide it, and she felt for him. He wasn't very good with people or social interactions and pressures, and here he was, flying to New York to meet with a huge publishing company.

"I'm forgetting something, I know I'm forgetting something," he muttered, whirling around.

"Hey." Rey caught his hand, pulling him over to her. "You're going to be fine. Next to Hux, you're going to look like the most personable angel ever."

Kylo sighed. "What if they hate me and decide not to publish my book? I could lose it because I don't know how to talk to people."

Rey gave him an exasperated look. "They obviously love your writing, selling your book has nothing to do with you as a person. Besides, your awkwardness just adds to your charm. You'll be fine, I promise."

He grimaced, obviously not believing her, and went back to packing.

Finally, it was time to say goodbye. She walked him out to his car, watching as he loaded his bags into the trunk, then turned to face her.

There were so many things she wanted to say. Most of them were needy and embarrassing and she didn't want to send him away with that thought in his head, not when she was already nervous about him rethinking things between them.

So she just hugged him fiercely, inhaling his masculine scent deeply, a smell that had come to comfort and soothe her.

"Good luck," Rey said softly. "You'll do great."

Kylo ducked his head down, pressing his face into her hair. "Would it be too much if I called you a few times while I'm there?"

Her heart lifted. She'd been thinking of a way to ask him the same thing for the last two days.

"Not at all," she told him with a grin. "You can text, you can call, anytime you want. You know what time I'm off."

"I'm going to miss you," he muttered into her neck, arms tightening briefly.

"I'll miss you too," she whispered back, her throat tight. Jesus, she wasn't going to cry, she refused to let a single tear slip out. She would see him in less than a week, it wasn't like he was going off to war.

Without letting go, Kylo kissed her, mouth warm in the chilly morning air. His kiss tasted bittersweet and she knew that he was feeling the same as her.

Then he was gone, climbing into his car and giving her one last look before pulling out of his spot and out onto the street.

Rey watched, arms wrapped around herself, until his car took a turn and disappeared.

 ** _Awh, Kylo's gone. Our poor angsty babies don't want to be separated. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, though our favorite couple is cute, I still have to address the fact that they are both not very good at being with other people and still have issues. There's bound to be a few hiccups and misunderstandings for them. Thanks everyone!_**


	15. Chapter 15

Finn came to visit her after work the first day that Kylo was gone. Poe had no doubt ratted on her for moping around, that traitor. She wasn't trying to be down but not having Kylo to look forward to at the end of her shift definitely sucked.

She hadn't gotten a chance to tell Finn about BB yet so he got a nice fluffy orange surprise when he walked through the door.

"What the hell is that?" he exclaimed as BB popped his head out from behind the couch, eyes wide at the sight of a new person in her apartment.

"He's a cat, obviously." Rey crossed her arms. "Why do people keep asking me that?"

Finn ignored her, studying BB. "Isn't that the cat we took to the clinic after you were attacked?"

"Yes. I adopted him."

He looked at her incredulously. "You adopted a cat? Why?"

Rey scowled at him. He acting like her getting a pet was the craziest thing he'd ever heard. "Well technically, Kylo adopted him for me. But I wanted him! He's sweet and brave and needed a home."

Finn made a face. "Isn't it a bit early for you guys to be adopting pets together? Next, you're going to tell me you're moving in with him."

Rolling her eyes, she went and sat on the couch, pulling BB into her lap where he immediately started purring. She and Kylo already spent so much time together, it felt like they were living together sometimes. Finn didn't need to know that though.

"We didn't adopt him together. He was a gift. A very sweet, thoughtful gift."

He joined her, petting BB softly.

"I've never seen you this into a guy before," he said thoughtfully. "You must really like Kylo."

"I do." She responded without hesitation. "I'm sorry we haven't made time to do something with you and Poe, we've been... busy."

Rey felt her face color. By busy, she meant having great sex every chance they got and generally avoiding the world when they had free time. It had been working out great for them so far but she had definitely been neglecting her friends. While she felt bad, it was hard to pick them over a day in bed with Kylo. No one could really fault her for that.

"I've heard," he said in an amused tone.

Oh god.

The morning after she and Kylo took advantage of being alone in the cafe, Rey came in to find Poe standing there with a disapproving look on his face and a pile of her shirt buttons in his hand. They had completely missed them in their cleanup and Poe made it very clear he knew just what they'd been up to.

It had taken her all day to be able to look at him and he had gone and told Finn. Bastard.

And for the record, she completely blamed Kylo for ripping her shirt open in the first place. Impatient man, now she had to suffer the repercussions.

"Don't judge me," she sniffed, refusing to be embarrassed. "It's not my fault I'm getting laid when you aren't."

Finn grimaced. Poe had told her that their dating had been fairly stagnant, that Finn seemed reluctant to commit. It was hard having your two best friends date, and knowing you could help fix the conflict but needing to let them work it out.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asked kindly.

He sighed, keeping his eyes fixed on BB. "Poe is great, he's the most amazing person I've dated by far..."

"But?" she prompted.

"But, that's the problem. He's so outgoing and confident, I can see him getting bored with me anytime. He wants excitement and adventure and I'm not either of those things." He looked away dejectedly.

"How do you know that's what Poe wants? You're just psyching yourself out because you think he's too good for you."

Finn looked surprised by her answer. But Rey knew him and had seen over the years how much he struggled. They were similar in the way that when something good came along, they expected the worst. He could set aside his issues to help others but never when it came to himself.

"Maybe," she continued, "you should realize that Poe is an adult and can make his own decisions. He seems really into you. Do you really want to ruin this before it even gets a chance to be something? At least if you try and it ends up not working out, you know you did your best."

Finn gave her a strange look. "When did you get so wise when it comes to dating advice?"

"After the giant learning curve that was getting Kylo to date me," she said dryly and he laughed.

His face turned serious after a second though. "It was worth it for you though? I know how upset you've been over the past few weeks because of him. And what if after all that, things hadn't worked out?"

Rey considered his questions, wanting to give an honest answer. She folded her feet under her while she thought and BB got up with a dirty look, going to curl up against Finn, who looked pleasantly surprised.

"There was a point when I thought he wasn't going to pick me," she admitted. "I was honest with him about my feelings and left the choice up to him. It was beyond difficult to put that in someone else's hands but it had to be that way. And if he decided he didn't want to be with me, I would have known that I tried my hardest. All you can do is put your faith in someone and hope."

Finn looked away. "You've always had such a big and open heart. I'm not like you. It's not easy for me to be like that with people."

Reaching out and grabbing his hand firmly, she looked him in the eyes. "Any relationship worth having isn't going to be easy. It's hard and you work for it _because_ you care enough to."

They sat there together in contemplative silence for a few minutes, until Rey remembered something she wanted to talk to him about. It had been in the back of her mind for the last few weeks but Kylo had distracted her so much, she'd almost forgotten.

"Not to change the subject, but..." She took a deep breath. "I've saved up all the money."

Finn immediately knew what she was talking about and he frowned, concern in his eyes.

"You're going to do it then? Go and see him?"

She bit her lip, nervous to even talk or think about it. "I think I have to. I need closure and to know that I did the right thing in the end. I can't have that hanging over my head forever."

Finn shrugged. "I'm not going to tell you not to but I don't think you should go. You don't owe him anything."

"I know I don't. I want to do it for me."

She knew he didn't understand but he respected her decision. She'd made up her mind a long time ago and he couldn't change it.

"Well I don't like the idea of you going by yourself," he said. "Let me come with you."

Rey was shaking her head before he even finished. He wouldn't be able to stand going with her, it would be too hard to keep him under control. Finn could be overemotional at the best of times, especially where she was involved. He was also overprotective to the extreme, but she loved him for it. Those two things would be a horrible combination for this situation.

"I'll be fine," she reassured him.

He gave her a look. "Are you going to ask Kylo to go with you?"

The thought had crossed her mind. But she had no idea how he would react to the situation.

"I'm not sure," she answered, shifting on the couch. "Part of me thinks it might be good for him. Like, in a healing way. And, I wouldn't mind having him with me. But-"

"But he might start throwing punches?" Finn finished for her, mouth twisting in amusement.

Rey frowned at him. "Don't sound so judgemental, that's why I'm not bringing you. You boys need to learn to control your tempers a bit."

He rolled his eyes, ignoring her comment. "If he starts hitting, tell him to throw in an extra punch for me."

Though she tried to keep a straight face, a small giggle slipped out. The thought was so absurd that she could help it and before long, she was laughing so hard, she could hardly breathe.

Finn and BB just stared at her like she was crazy.

...

As Rey was settling into bed on the third night, Kylo called her.

They had only managed to text a bit before now. Mostly him letting her know that things were going well, with the exception of Hux driving him crazy. He'd obviously been having a good time so far and keeping busy, and while she was happy for him, she missed him like a physical ache in her chest.

She missed the warm strength of his body, the shy smile that she felt was just for her. His kisses, the tentative soft ones, and the passionate demanding ones. She missed his wry humor and his calm, steady presence.

Rey picked up her phone, feeling her heart flutter in her chest at the sight of his name.

"Hey," she said, leaning back against the pillows.

"Hi," he responded, his deep voice warming her. God, she missed hearing him.

There was a moment of silence on both ends while they just savored hearing each other's voices.

"How are you?" Kylo finally asked softly. "Everything going okay? Poe is driving you home every night, right?"

If his worrying wasn't so adorable, she'd roll her eyes and tease him about sounding like a mom.

"Yes, everything is going fine, same as usual." Except a hundred times more boring without you here, she thought. "And yes, Poe is driving me home. He said something about being worried you'd pick him up and throw him across the cafe if he didn't."

He was quiet for a second. "He does realize that I'm not a Neanderthal, right?"

She let out a laugh, shifting the phone to her other ear. "Don't worry, he said it in a weird dreamy voice so I think he likes that you're big and fearsome looking. I would bet money that getting thrown across a room by a large man is a fantasy of his."

"Big and fearsome looking?" Kylo said in an amused tone, like he wasn't sure if he should laugh or take offense.

"Like a big, scowling teddy bear," Rey confirmed.

He chuckled deeply. "That might be the most inaccurate description I've ever heard."

"Oh, so sorry, am I ruining the edgy bad boy look you're going for with all that black clothing?" she teased. "I hate to tell you this, but it's not working. It just makes you look like a big, scowling teddy bear who's trying really hard to embrace his inner darkness."

"I call you up, wanting to have a nice conversation and you just want to make fun of my appearance," he complained. "You don't realize how much effort goes into looking like you aren't trying."

Rey giggled, feeling better than she had in days. She had been worried that when they finally spoke, it would be awkward. Apparently, she shouldn't have worried; they fell easily back into their light banter and she could hear the affection in his voice.

"Okay, on a serious note, how have things been? Everything going well with the publishers?" Rey questioned.

Kylo made a noise of disbelief into the phone. "Actually, yeah. Everything has been pretty good; they seem excited to publish my book and I haven't made a complete fool of myself yet, so I can't complain."

She didn't want to overdo it but she was so excited for him. "I told you you'd be fine."

"I'll never question you again," he deadpanned, making her laugh.

"But I miss you," he said, softer.

Rey could hear how wistful her sigh sounded. "Really? I haven't even noticed you left."

Kylo laughed and she smirked.

"Really? You haven't thought about me once? Not even when you're bored at work... or in bed alone?" He said it casually, obviously just teasing her, but it still sent a bolt of heat down to curl in her stomach.

"Nope," she said, popping the "p" loudly and he laughed again. They both knew she was a huge liar.

Truth was, her days had felt strangely empty since he'd left. Obviously, she had a life before Kylo came along, but he had completely taken over her days and without him, she couldn't seem to remember how things had been before. He left a hole that she couldn't seem to fill and it made her a bit nervous. She didn't know when she had become that dependent on him, but it happened all the same.

"Have you seen anything crazy in New York?" she asked. "I've never gone."

Kylo started to tell her about this little bookshop he'd found nestled away in the city, and all of the amazing food he'd gotten to try. Rey turned off her bedroom light and settled into bed. She closed her eyes, listening to his voice, and just for a second, she could pretend that he was here with her.

"It sounds like you're having a great time," she told him. Hearing the quiet enthusiasm in his voice warmed her heart.

He was quiet for a second. "I am, but I wish you were here with me. You'd love it, there are so many things to see."

Rey didn't respond, imagining having days in a huge, new city to explore with Kylo, a hotel room to come back to at the end of the day with a cushy bed to sleep together in.

"The publishers have been talking about having a launch party for the release of my book, here in New York. Obviously, it wouldn't be for a while but I'd love to bring you with me... if you wanted to come?" Kylo asked shyly, sounding uncertain.

Her heart lifted. Listening to him talk about what a great time he was having, a small part of her had been feeling bad. Not jealous or upset that he hadn't brought her, but nervous that him having a good time without her had meant something. She'd pushed the dumb, insecure thought away but hearing him say that he wanted to bring her next time... he didn't realize what that meant to her.

"I'd love to come," she said, throat feeling a little tight.

"Yeah?" He sounded so surprised that she almost laughed. They had to be the most insecure couple ever, it amazed her that they made this relationship work sometimes. Even broken things with jagged edges could fit together, if you found the right match.

"Only if you take me to eat at a bunch of new restaurants," Rey told him, only halfway teasing.

Kylo made a happy noise into the phone.

"I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

...

The next morning at the cafe, Poe immediately noticed Rey's lifted spirits when she came through the door, arching an eyebrow at the smile on her face.

"You talk with loverboy?" Poe asked, sipping on a coffee, the smell making her smile widen. Since working here, the scent of coffee had been associated with cozy days serving drinks and chatting with her friend.

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, he called last night."

"And?" Poe questioned. "Is he getting his fine ass on a plane and flying home early?"

Ha, she wished. "Unfortunately, no... But he did invite me to come with him next time."

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, well, well... he wants to whisk you away for a romantic vacation already? You have to tell me what you're doing."

Rey bit her lip. This situation with Finn and Poe was painful, she knew she had to let them work things out on their own, but it was so hard to not just shove them together and make them talk it out. Or hell, she could do the talking for them, as long as some progress was made.

She knew it would be better to leave them alone, but she didn't have it in her to not try to help though, at least a bit. Poe was there for her when things with Kylo weren't great, and when she needed support.

"Poe." She put a comforting hand on his arm. "Finn might not be great at showing it but he really likes you. He has a hard time getting past his own insecurities sometimes."

He gave her a meaningful look. "Yeah, I've been around you enough to recognize what that looks like. No offense. And I can sympathize but I also don't want to stay in a relationship if the other person isn't interested. No matter how much I like him."

Even though Finn was her best friend and like her brother, Rey couldn't tell Poe how to feel and she respected that. She understood where he was coming from.

"I'll love you no matter what happens with Finn. I want you to be happy and if he doesn't make you feel that, then you deserve better."

Poe gave her a warm smile and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, girl. I'm not giving up on him yet though."

A young woman came in and ordered a pumpkin spice chai. Rey made it quickly, handing it over with a smile.

When she turned back around, Poe was watching her with a thoughtful expression.

"What?" she questioned, feeling self-conscious.

"I just want you to know that I'm really proud of you. Being with Kylo is the happiest I've seen you and I know you really had to work for it." He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "I just think you deserve to be happy too, and it warms my heart to see you in a good place. I might tease you and Kylo but I genuinely like him and will always owe him for making you glow like this. He's a good guy."

Rey felt tears well up in her eyes. Damn him.

"I love you, girl. Even if you're banging your boyfriend in my cafe."

She choked slightly as he chuckled. He was never going to let that go.

"Way to ruin the moment."

Poe grinned devilishly. "It was getting a little too emotional up in here, I couldn't let that happen."

 ** _I want to apologize for this chapter taking so much longer than usual to post. Things have been really busy at my work so I've had almost no time to write. As a heads up, the next week or two are going to continue to be crazy (I need to look for a new apartment so I'm picking up extra shifts at work) so I'll probably be averaging a chapter a week. Thanks for the continued support, as always!_**


	16. Chapter 16

The day before Kylo would be flying home, Rey was working at the cafe, trying to make time go faster through the sheer force of will. So far, glaring at the clock was proving to be ineffective. And Poe was having a great laugh over the whole thing, cracking up every time he saw her glance at the time, only to be utterly disappointed.

She couldn't believe that in less than twenty-four hours, Kylo would be home and back with her. The week had gone by so slowly and her need to see him had grown with every passing day.

The desire to be with him felt needy and it felt clingy and she was past the point of caring.

Poe had even let her swap around her days off so she'd have tomorrow and the day after to spend with Kylo. He claimed in was with his best interest in mind, so he wouldn't have to put up with her sulking around or them being all "gross and lovey-dovey while people are trying to drink their coffee." But she knew he was doing it for her.

She promised herself that once Kylo was back, they'd make plans to do something with Finn and Poe. Maybe not go out on a double date or anything, since going somewhere and being forced to be social might be too overwhelming for Kylo all at once, but they could plan something less stressful.

But only after they'd had their two days together, alone and isolated from the rest of the world, just how they liked it.

Smiling to herself at the thought of their reunion, Rey headed over to wipe down a dirty table by the front window.

She wasn't going to lie, part of her was nervous. A week away wasn't a long time but it had felt like forever. What if things had somehow become awkward between then in that time?

Shaking her head, she shoved the thought away. She still felt just as strongly about Kylo as she did when he left and she needed to have more faith in him. He chose _her,_ she reminded herself for the millionth time, feeling a smile pull at her lips at the thought.

She gave herself a second to admire the view out the window. The sun was shining brightly today, the blue sky speckled with puffy white clouds. This time of day, the street was fairly busy, people strolling along without jackets, obviously enjoying the warmth of the day. She was looking forward to her walk home this evening, the fresh air and lingering warmth of the day.

It was purely coincidence that she was looking outside the exact second that he walked by.

Rey's eyes snagged on him and her whole body froze.

No fucking way.

Governor Snoke had just walked by her cafe.

She had only seen him in pictures before and even though he'd only been in her sight for a split second, she was almost certain it was him. Tall and bald, in a dark wool coat with a high collar, he looked like how she remembered, except the side of his face looked almost sunken in and deformed. She had still recognized him though.

The urge to run outside and chase him down was screaming through her body but she couldn't move. Her blood felt like ice, her heart pounding loudly in her chest, ears ringing.

What did she do? Did she run after him, yelling that he was a child molester and a vile, disgusting human being?

She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, but she needed to do something.

Kylo's face passed through her mind. What if he had been here right now? What if he had seen him walking outside, just a thin pane of glass separating them?

The thought snapped her out of it and it felt like she had jolted back into her body. The ringing faded from her ears and she could hear the rasping gasps escaping her throat. She hadn't frozen that badly in years, hadn't had panic and fear grab her in such a forceful, relentless grip.

Not pausing to think, she darted to the door, wrenching it open. She had no idea what she was going to do but she had to know if it had actually been Snoke.

But out on the street, he had vanished. Whirling around frantically, she scanned for any sight of him, skipping from face to face to no avail. She must have stood there frozen for too long and he had turned down another street or gotten into a car, or maybe gone into one of the neighboring shops.

Either way, the man was gone.

Her limbs felt like lead as she slowly went back into the cafe. What in the hell just happened? What did she do? Oh god, what was she supposed to do?

"Rey?" Poe was leaning over the counter, a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." No, she wasn't. She felt like she was going to be sick all over the shiny cafe floor that she had mopped just a few hours earlier.

Poe came over and put a hand on her arm. "You're pale and shaking. What happened? Why did you run out of here like that?"

She could hardly think, she needed to get out of here. "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well. I'll be right back."

Fleeing to the bathroom before he could say anything, she closed the door and leaned against it, chest heaving.

Okay, she needed to calm down and think this through.

Doubt filled her as she processed what had happened. What if she was wrong and that hadn't been him? She really hadn't seen him for more than a second or two, and his face was pretty messed up.

But, what if that had been him? Here, passing by her cafe and just a few blocks away from where Kylo lived? Her instincts were telling her that it was him and she had learned to trust her instincts over the years where danger was concerned.

Was it even possible that it was a coincidence he was here? Or had he somehow managed to track down Kylo?

The more Rey thought about it, the sicker she felt.

He had been walking in the direction of the apartment building. What if he was there, waiting for Kylo? He could have broken into his apartment and invaded his home.

She could just imagine the smug governor inside Kylo's apartment, touching his things with his slimy fingers, acting like he owned the place. Destroying whatever little security and comfort Kylo had managed to find in his home. Leaving a black stain behind, a filthy taint on his possessions and space.

She could see him walking into Kylo's bedroom and stroking the soft fabric of his blanket, touching the bed where she and Kylo had spent hours, kissing and talking, making love-

Her thoughts were getting out of hand. Rey was freaking herself out, turning Snoke into a monster when he was just a man.

 _He was just a man,_ she reminded herself. And if she even suspected someone was in Kylo's apartment when she went home, she'd call the police. Even fancy governors weren't above getting arrested for breaking and entering.

The real problem was, she had no way of knowing for sure if it had been him or not. But if she told Kylo she had seen Snoke here, so close to his home, he could panic. If she didn't tell him and it turned out that he had tracked him down, Snoke could show up at his apartment. He could assault Kylo or blackmail him, among other things.

Oh god, what did she do?

She went over to the sink and splashed cold water on her face with tremblings hands.

Staring into her wide eyes in the mirror, the realization that the man who had abused and nearly destroyed Kylo had possibly been within a few feet of her struck her like a blow to the gut.

The disgusting, monstrous excuse of a human who had nearly driven the man who she... the man she cared for to commit suicide, had walked right past her cafe.

Bile rose in her throat.

She gagged and spat it out, rinsing it down the sink, stomach churning.

Thoughts like that wouldn't help. She needed to pull herself together and be strong. Kylo needed her to be strong and protect him right now.

Well, she couldn't hide in here all day. Poe would be wondering about her and she still had to work. But she didn't know if she could go back out there and pretend like everything was okay when it clearly wasn't.

There was a soft knock on the door and Rey jumped.

"Rey? You okay in there?" Poe's concerned voice floated through the door.

She went over and flip the lock with shaking fingers, opening the door.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I'm feeling pretty sick, I think I might have eaten something bad."

Poe's brown eyes were worried. "You look terrible. You were fine earlier, did it just hit you all of a sudden?"

Rey felt awful lying to Poe but there was no way for her to explain what had actually happened.

"Yeah, it came out of nowhere. I'm sorry, I'll get back to work." She stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

He grabbed her gently by the arm, like he was afraid she'd fall over, and guided her to the counter.

"There's no way I'm letting you work like this," he told her sternly. "I'll call Rose, she has the afternoon off so I'm sure she won't mind covering for you."

Now she felt even worse. She couldn't just tell Poe she was magically feeling better but she hated getting sent home for something like this. But she also knew she needed to go home, to her apartment where she felt safe and could calm down, and figure out what she was going to do.

Rey opened her mouth but Poe cut her off. "No arguments. Do you want to wait for Rose to get here so I can drive you, or do you want to walk? Some fresh air might be good if you're feeling nauseous, but I don't mind giving you a ride."

She supposed that settled that. Relief washed over her, just for a second, before it was overrun with anxiety.

"I'll walk," she told him, not wanting to put him out even more.

She grabbed her purse and jacket, apologizing to Poe again, but he just waved her off, telling her to take it easy. As she headed for the front door, the sick feeling intensified, physically affecting her.

What if she saw him on her walk back? It hadn't been very long and if he went into a shop, there was a chance their paths could cross. What would she do if she saw him?

That was the question Rey asked herself the whole walk home, unable to find an answer. Though it was warm out, she wrapped her jacket around herself tightly, unable to stop shivering. Her eyes darted around constantly, trying to take in every face that passed her on the street.

By the time she made it back to her apartment, her knees were weak and she felt lightheaded. Her adrenaline had been going the whole time and now that she was home, it left her weak and shaking.

BB meowed in concern as she collapsed on the couch, trembling and nauseous. He hopped up and curled next to her, giving her a concerned butt of his head.

"It's okay," she told him, sinking a hand into his thick orange fur. "It's okay, I'm okay."

She took a deep breath, weaving her fingers together tightly, trying to stop the trembling. First thing first, she needed to figure out if she had actually seen Governor Snoke. Freaking out over this before she even knew if she needed to, wasn't a good idea.

Though she felt it in her gut, she had to know for sure.

She wiggled her phone out of her pocket, opening up the internet browser and typing in Snoke's name.

Her finger hovered over the search button. The scaring on the man's face has been distinctive. Though Snoke hadn't had it in the pictures she had seen of him, those had been from years earlier. A recent picture should be all she needed.

Holding her breath, she hit search, bringing up the most recent images and clicking on the first one.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Governor Snoke stared at her from the screen, the left side of his face sunken in, just like how she had seen. This picture had been taken a few weeks ago, the Governor making an appearance at some sort of political event. The smug, confident look was still on his face, despite being disfigured.

It had been him. That repulsive, horrid man had walked right by her cafe, just strolling down the street like he belonged there.

As Rey stared at his picture, her emotions slowly pulling her into a deep, dark hole, Kylo's name popped up across her screen, her phone vibrating in her hand. It startled her so bad that she almost dropped it.

Oh god, Kylo was calling her. What did she do? She hadn't had a chance to even think this through.

She had to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Rey?" Kylo's voice was concerned and for a second, she thought that he somehow knew. That he had found out even though there was no way he possibly could have. "Poe texted me and said he had to send you home sick. Are you okay?"

Oh. Of course he did. She floundered for something to say.

"I'm fine, I think I just ate something bad," she finally said, willing her voice to sound normal.

"Are you sure? You sound weird."

She forced a smile into her voice. "I'm just a little tired, but I feel better now that I'm home and sitting down."

"Okay." Kylo didn't sound convinced but he dropped it. "If you still aren't feeling well tomorrow, text me and I'll grab you some stuff on the way back from the airport."

That's right, he was coming back tomorrow. Oh hell, what did she do?

She made a noise of agreement into the phone, desperately trying to get her thoughts straight.

"I'm excited to come home to you," he told her softly, undisguised emotion in his voice. "I miss you. Everything has been so hectic here, I want to just get back and spend some relaxing time with you."

Jesus Christ, she wanted to cry. Here he was, so excited to come home, and she had the bomb of all bombs to drop on him.

"I miss you too," she croaked into the phone.

The was a moment of silence from his end. "Are you sure everything is okay?" he asked.

There was her opening to tell him. She opened her mouth but the words got stuck in her throat, choking her as they refused to come out.

No, she couldn't do it. Not over the phone, not when he was in New York alone. She couldn't do that to him.

For half a second, she just wished that she never had to tell him. If this was all a coincidence, he'd never have to know and she'd never have to tell him. They could just keep going on like they'd been going.

No. She couldn't do that to him. Wouldn't and couldn't risk it.

But right now wasn't the time to tell him.

"Really, everything is good. I'm just excited to see you tomorrow," she told him, pushing away thoughts of Snoke so Kylo could hear the genuine warmth in her voice. "I switched around my days off at the cafe so I don't have to work for the next two."

"What are we going to do with two whole days to ourselves?" he teased.

Rey forced out a laugh. "I'm sure I can think of a way to keep you occupied."

"I'm sure I'll never guess what that is," he responded playfully.

As much as she was loving their banter, Rey couldn't keep talking to him right now, not with what had happened so fresh, the words dancing around on the tip of her tongue. "Well, thanks for checking up on me, I think I might actually go take a nap. I'll see you tomorrow though."

"I can't wait," Kylo said before disconnecting the call.

Rey stared down at her phone, wondering if she had done the right thing.

No, she had made a good call, she told herself, slumping back into the couch, BB immediately slinking into her lap. Kylo would need support if he panicked after hearing that Snoke had been just a few blocks away from his apartment. Which would be understandable, as she had panicked after just thinking she had seen him.

They had been foolish, she realized, enjoying finally being together and not talking about Snoke. Kylo obviously hadn't wanted to talk about him at all and she hadn't wanted to bring ruin their weeks of happiness by bringing him up.

Snoke had been the unspoken thing between them this whole time and they'd both been blissfully ignoring it. But now, he was here to wreck the blissful little universe they had made for themselves.

Rey ran her fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp.

What they needed to do was talk about Snoke and what they were going to do with him. The trauma Kylo had enduring and kept buried for so long wouldn't be easy to drag back up and confront, and Rey hated that she would have to bring it up and make him face it, but he needed to. And she would be here for him,

Snoke couldn't be allowed to go unpunished for what he did and Rey couldn't live with having to look over her shoulder constantly, afraid that he had found Kylo.

They needed to bring Governor Snoke to justice. To make sure he could never again hurt anyone else. To make him pay for all of the pain and suffering that he had brought into this world.

For Kylo, and for young Ben Solo.

 ** _So I've officially planned out the rest of this story and I'm excited beyond words. It took me days and days of scribbling but I think I finally have a plan that I'm satisfied with. I'm also working on ideas for my next Reylo story after this one is complete (don't worry, we still have a ways to go) and I think deciding which story I want to do next will be the hardest part of it haha._**

 ** _Anyways, I hope everyone had a great week and a relaxing weekend._** _ **I know I say this every time but thank you all for the insane support you all give me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the wonderful comments you leave for me. The love and kindness you can find in a fandom** **are** **the greatest ever and I will fight you on that. Love you guys!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**So sorry this chapter is coming out a little later than usual. I was pretty sick last week and life has been hectic. You all know how it goes. But thanks so everyone for being so patient!**_

Pacing across her living room anxiously, Rey glanced at the clock for the tenth time in five minutes.

Kylo was due home from the airport any minute. She'd debated with herself a dozen times about what to do, how to welcome him home after he'd been gone for a week.

Wait in his apartment and surprise him? Too clingy and slightly creepy.

Conveniently walk outside her door when he was coming up the stairs? Transparent and obvious.

Do nothing and wait for him to get home and come to her? That just wasn't her and she wanted Kylo to feel missed.

In the end, she decided to just wait for him to get home, give him a few minutes to get situated, then head over and see him. She was playing it safe to be sure but she wasn't positive how he'd been feeling and after the events of yesterday, she was feeling a little uncertain herself.

She had stayed up all night fretting over how and when to tell Kylo about Snoke, part of her listening for a sound from his apartment, afraid he was lurking somewhere in the darkness.

In the end, she firmly told herself that she would not let Snoke come between them and ruin her reunion with Kylo. She would push him from her mind until the right time to tell Kylo, after he was home and relaxed with her. The next day or two would be about them, happy to be back together. They deserved it before she had to bring up Snoke.

When the time came, they would figure it out together.

The telltale sound of Kylo's door shutting loudly jarred Rey from her thoughts.

He was home.

She felt like she could feel the electricity thrumming through the wall between them. She wondered if he had debated coming right to her apartment first, if he was excited or nervous to see her.

Anticipation was rushing through her and she was almost bouncing up and down, trying to give him a few minutes to get settled.

When she finally couldn't take it anymore, she hurried out of her front door, nearly running to his door.

He flung it open before she could even knock and there he was. Messy ebony hair, brown eyes full of some unnameable emotion, a black t-shirt stretched across his broad chest.

And then she was in Kylo's arms and she felt like she was where she belonged for the first time in a week.

His hold was tight around her as he pulled her into his apartment, kicking the door shut behind them. They just stood there, wrapped around each other. Rey left out a shuddering breath, the masculine scent that was so distinctively Kylo's, a scent she had come to miss over the past week, surrounding her.

She tilted her head back, opening her mouth to say something, to tell him how much she'd missed him, how happy she was that he was back. But he kissed her before she could get out a single word.

Kylo kissed her desperately, fiercely, and it told her all she needed to know about him missing her. She could taste it on his lips, feel it in the way he pressed against her, fingers grasping desperately at her shirt as she slanted his mouth over hers.

Moaning into his mouth, she sank her hands into his thick, dark hair, wanting him closer. Their lips pressed together, tongues boldly exploring each other in a playful fight for dominance.

His taste, his smell, the feeling of him against her...

God, she had missed him.

That was all the encouragement he needed to pick her up, hands supporting her under her ass and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Kylo let out a sound of approval as she settled around his hips, his erection rubbing her.

He was already hard, just from kissing her.

She hadn't planned on jumping him immediately. She'd assumed they would be awkward for the first minute and he'd tell her about his trip and she'd talk about how boring her week was. But this felt so right. It was what they both needed, to be close and to feel each other.

Rey leaned back, knowing Kylo would support her, and maneuvered his shirt off, tossing it somewhere behind her. He let out a quiet huffing laugh when she yanked her own over her head. But she didn't care, she wanted skin on skin contact.

One of his huge hands skated over her ribs, dancing along the edge of her bra and her breath caught.

He glanced down, sucking in a sharp breath.

"You're so gorgeous in blue," he muttered, eyeing the soft sapphire colored bra she was wearing with approval.

Rey felt herself flush at his words, heat rolling down to her chest, coloring it pink.

She kissed his perfect, soft mouth, sucking the tip of his tongue between her lips, feeling his groan reverberate through her. She loved when he couldn't hold back his sounds, needy and aroused from the things she did to him.

His grip on her ass tightened and he pulled her closer, rolling his hips against her own. With every forward press, the front seam of her jeans rubbed her clit and she couldn't breathe.

"Bedroom," she muttered against his lips, too distracted to notice they were already moving.

In his room, he laid her out on the dark comforter, lifting her hips to pull off her jeans slowly. His eyes devoured every inch of bare skin he revealed, lingering on her matching blue panties. She could feel herself getting hot under his gaze, the way he looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, like he could look at her forever. It's impossible to get embarrassed when someone looks at you with stars in their eyes.

"I missed you," he said hoarsely.

"How much?" Rey whispered, wanting to hear him say it, to know that he'd missed her as much as she had him. "How much did you miss me?"

He stripped his own jeans off quickly, leaving on just his boxers. Her breath caught as she took him in, his beauty just as stunning as the first time she saw him. Pale skin, scattered beauty marks making a path across his body that she wanted to learn every inch of.

Kylo leaned over her, pressing soft kisses along her collarbone, nipping at her shoulder.

"I thought about you pretty much every minute of every day. Even when I was trying not to think about you, it didn't work. It was like I was missing something vital, like there was a hole in my chest."

Rey felt warmth spread through her chest as his words.

"It was the same for me," she admitted, biting her lips as his mouth dipped down to her cleavage, licking the swells of her breasts. "I thought about you when I woke up, when I was working, once I got home. I especially thought about you when I was in bed alone at night," she said teasingly, feeling a wicked smile curl at her lips.

His eyes met hers and they were nearly black, a glassy dark that reminded her of a lake at night.

"Did you touch yourself thinking about me?" he nearly growled, his deep voice making her squirm with need.

When she didn't respond immediately, he bit her nipple gently through her bra, making her gasp.

"Yes," she admitted breathily, arching against him. "I did a few nights but it just made me miss you more." It was true, she'd managed to get off but it just left her feeling hollow and her bed colder and emptier than usual.

Kylo groaned, shifting up her body so he could kiss her, thrusting his tongue against hers hungrily.

Pulling away, he moved back so he hovering over her, powerful thighs on either side of her legs.

"Show me," he growled.

It took Rey a second to understand what he meant, heat curling in her abdomen. She would never have considered doing this in front of someone before but with Kylo, he always made her feel sexy and beautiful. He made her daring and bold.

Keeping her eyes locked with his, she slid a hand slowly down her chest, cupping her left breast. She thumbed her nipple, knowing Kylo could see it peak through the thin, silky fabric of her bra.

Licking her pointer and middle finger of her right hand, she slipped in underneath her panties, rubbing gentle circles on her clit.

Kylo watched her with hot eyes, his erection straining at the front of his boxers.

"I'd lay in bed just like this," Rey panted. "Imagining you were here, touching me. Rubbing me just right, telling me how _good_ I felt, how _wet_ I was for you."

She dipped a finger down into said wetness, biting back a moan.

He let out a growling noise in the back of his throat, grabbing himself through his boxers, slowly making circles with his thumb on the tip. Rey could see the wet spot where his precome was soaking through and she licked her lips.

Slipping two fingers into herself, she tossed her head back against the pillows, working herself in a slow, steady rhythm. Having him watch her, feeling his eyes on her, it was a surprising turn on.

"Take off your underwear," he rasped, and she opened her eyes back up to see he had already gotten rid of his own and was pumping his hard cock in a rhythm that matched hers.

 _Jesus fuck_ , that was the hottest thing she had ever seen. Suddenly she understood the appeal of this.

Rey slid her panties down to her knees, letting Kylo take them off the rest of the way as she unclipped her bra and tossed it off the side of the bed. Completely bare before him, she spread her legs, savoring the loud moan he let out at the sight.

"Your fingers are so much bigger than mine though," she told him breathily, plunging her fingers in and out, watching as he sped up the speed of his hand to match her. "Doing this just made me ache and wish you were here to fuck me just right."

She was dripping onto the sheets, so wet and ready for him. Her free hand pinched at her nipples, making her hips buck into her fingers.

Kylo gently grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from herself and up to his mouth. Keeping eye contact with her, he slid her wet fingers into his mouth, sucking them slowly. She couldn't hold back a husky moan as his tongue twirled around them.

"I'm here now," he said, letting go of her wrist. "Is that what you want from me?"

Before she could say anything, he lifted her legs over his shoulders one at a time, the action lifting her hips from the bed slightly. He shifted closer, adjusting his cock hovered right above her core.

He pressed a kiss to the inside of her right thigh before gripping himself again, running his tip up and down her wet slit. "Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you? Is that what you thought about to get yourself off?"

" _Yes,_ " Rey gasped, trying to buck her hips up. "Kylo, yes."

He pressed firmly against her clit, swirling the head of his cock against it. Her legs were shaking around his shoulders and she tensed up in anticipation, so ready for him to drive into her, to fuck her savagely into this bed, to-

But instead, he leaned away, working a hand up and down his length, shining with a mixture of their wetness.

"I touched myself too," he admitted. "I imagined coming home to you naked and waiting for me in my bed. I'd imagine all the ways I'd take you, on every surface in this apartment. I'd come with your face in my mind and your name on my lips."

There was a sheen of sweat on his heaving chest as he teased them both. Rey knew he was doing this intentionally, dragging this out, making them both wait just a little longer. He wanted her to watch, needed to hear her beg and know she wanted him. And she did. Hearing him confess this, seeing his hand sliding up and down his swollen, twitching cock... she was ready to beg.

But she wasn't going to.

"You're going to fuck me within the next ten seconds," she told him in a voice that was passably confident. "You're going to give me the best sex of my life and make me orgasm so hard I can't breathe. Now stop teasing and take me."

Kylo froze for a second in surprise, then a huge grin spread across his face.

In one smooth movement, he thrust forward and filled her, cutting off her gasp with a kiss.

"God, Rey," he whispered against her mouth. "I seriously fucking lo-"

He bit his lip, cutting off whatever he was about to say. She forgot about it a second later though, when he finally started moving.

Her legs thrown over his shoulders lifted her hips at a perfect angle and she was seeing stars as he plunged in and out of her in a relentless rhythm. He was gripping her thighs tightly, fingers digging into her flesh but she didn't care. All Rey cared about was the feeling off Kylo inside of her.

This last week, she'd been so afraid that he was going to change his mind once he was away from her, that he'd come back and be finished. That he wouldn't want her anymore. But here, now, back with him, she felt stupid for thinking that. This, them together, it was perfect... how could he not come back to her?

Consumed with need, she lifted herself up higher, both of them cursing as he pressed fully inside of her. The stretch of his thickness inside of her burned in the best way and she nearly teared up at the feeling of being so full.

" _Fuck_ ," she gasped. "You feel so good, Kylo. Fuck, I missed you."

Losing herself in the sensation, she closed her eyes and twisted her hands in the sheets over her head, just trying to hold on and savor every second of being connected to him. Kylo wrecked her in the best way possible, destroyed everything she thought she knew about being intimate with someone.

For a few minutes, the room was filled with the sound of their moans and cries, the slap of skin on skin.

Suddenly, the sensation of being lifted up made Rey's eyes fly open.

Kylo pulled her up into a sitting position, her legs falling off of his shoulders to settle on either side of his waist as his cock pressed back into her. He gathered her close, their chests pressed together, breath mingling in the air.

"Rey," he breathed, hands smoothing her hair from her face. His eyes were slightly glazed, heavy-lidded as they met hers. "Look at me. I- I just need to see you."

She nodded, knowing what he meant, throat tight.

He helped her lift up and down gently, pumping his hips underneath hers slowly. His brow was furrowed, hair sticking to his forehead, eyes locked on hers as they both steadily worked up to their orgasm. One of his hands cupped the side of her jaw, thumb ghosting across her skin in a caress that she felt all the way to her core. Nuzzling into his hand, she pressed a kiss into his palm.

"I'm close," she whispered, and he nodded back jerkily.

Clutching at his shoulders, she sped up slightly, wanting him to finish with her. She could feel her wet heat tightening around him, her clit throbbing to the beat of her heat, so close to coming.

She didn't look away from his eyes once, not when her core shuddered and she tumbled over the edge, not when she moaned his name, struggling to keep moving over him. So she saw that he did the same, biting his lip, hips stuttering under hers, cock thickening inside of her as he came, his eyes never straying from hers as he pulsed in her, coming in hot spurts that filled her.

Dark brown and hazel eyes connected in the dark as they gave each other all they could.

Panting, she stayed on top of him for a minute, feeling his hands running gently up and down her back. She tipped her head up and kissed him softly, feeling strangely bare and vulnerable before him.

It had felt almost like they had shared souls there at the end, she thought, then felt silly for thinking something so ridiculous.

"Here," Kylo muttered, helping lay her down on the bed, straightening out her stiff legs before joining her, tucking her head against his shoulder and resting an arm across her middle.

Rey could feel it in the comfortable silence that followed, that he had felt it too. Whatever has been thrumming between them there. Though sex was always intimate, it felt like things had been taken a step further somehow. It felt like they had been making love to each other, bonding through body and soul.

When she drifted off to a light sleep in Kylo's arms, she still hadn't managed to wipe the smile from her face.

...

The growl of Rey's stomach had her slipping silently from the bed a while later. Kylo hadn't moved, huffing soft breaths into the pillow as she stretched, picking up his shirt from the floor and putting it on. It brushed the tops of her thighs and she smirked, thinking of Poe's neanderthal comment.

She crept into his kitchen, opening his cupboards quietly and looking for a snack. In the second one, she spied a package of chocolate chip cookies and her mouth watered. Nearly tearing the bag open, she was disappointed to see one lonely cookie sitting on the bottom.

Surely Kylo wouldn't mind...

She snatched up the cookie, heading back into the bedroom. She sat down on the bed softly, checking her phone for any messages and lifting the cookie to her mouth.

"Is that my last chocolate chip cookie?" Kylo's deep voice rumbled from beside her and she squeaked, jumping slightly.

He was watching her with an amused expression on his face, head propped up on one hand.

"Uhm... it might be," she said, glancing at the cookie guiltily.

He looked like he was holding back a laugh. "You were totally going to eat it and not say anything, weren't you? Stealing my last cookie right out of my cupboard, you rotten scavenger."

"Hey!" she said indignantly. "If anything, I'm a rotten thief, you jerk."

He chuckled, then leaned over quickly and bit almost all of the cookie right out of her hand before she could react. In a flash, it disappeared between his lips.

She stared at the shiver left clutched in her fingers, an aghast expression on her face. "You're a monster."

"Better a monster than a scavenger," he teased, smacking his lips loudly. "Mmmmh, that sure was a tasty cookie."

Pouting, she ate her crumb then crossed her arms. "You have no heart, depriving someone of a goodie with a sweet tooth like mine. That's just cruel and I'll probably never forgive you."

He stood up, putting on his boxers with a laugh. "Give me a minute." Then he disappeared through the doorway, leaving Rey to blink in confusion after him.

A few seconds later, he reappeared at the door with a decent sized box in his hands, pink stripes going down the sides.

"What's that?" she asked suspiciously, trying to peek at the top.

"Your gift," he told her. "I had to bring you something back from New York."

Rey blushed. Kylo obviously liked giving her gifts but she still wasn't used to it. While she loved getting things from him, as they were always thoughtful and sweet, it did make her a little uncomfortable.

"You didn't have to-" she started but he cut her off by thrusting the box into her hands.

There was some fancy gold writing on the top of the box, one word standing out.

 _Bakery._

Her stomach growled on cue and Kylo bit back a laugh.

When she slid the top of the box off, Rey's jaw dropped. Inside were so many different desserts, she didn't know which to look at first.

Cookies dipped in chocolate. Delicate fruit tarts. Chocolate mousse in fragile chocolate cups. Thick slices of decadent looking cake. Macaroons in various colors. Cream filled chocolate eclairs.

"I didn't know what to get you... so I got you a bit of everything," Kylo admitted self consciously.

Rey's mouth watered as the scent of dough and chocolate hit here. "I've never seen so many delicious looking things in my whole life. This is the best present ever."

He ran a hand through his hair, looking away with pink cheeks. It was so adorable that he insisted on giving her things but usually ended up more embarrassed than her.

She leaned over, giving him a lingering kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Kylo."

"You're welcome," he muttered.

Rey picked up a chocolate eclair, biting into it, her delighted moans filling the air. Holy hell, she'd never tasted something so good.

"Try it," she said through a mouthful of cream, shoving the pastry at Kylo's face.

He arched an eyebrow, obviously amused and pleased, taking a bite. The surprise on his face was comical and he took another bite quickly.

"I know, right?" She eyed the box, wondering how many things she could eat in one sitting.

There was only one way to find out.

She grabbed Kylo's hand, pulling him on the bed with her so they were sitting together. Crossing her legs, she set the box between them.

"We aren't leaving this bed until we try one of everything in this box," she told him firmly, already reaching for a slice of cake and taking a huge bite out of it.

Kylo's disbelieving laugh filled the room as he leaned over and kissed her on her chocolate covered mouth.

...

That night, Rey tossed and turned in her empty feeling bed.

Her and Kylo had spent the whole day together, eating treats and talking in bed. He'd made her dinner and they showered together, until finally, she'd had to come back to her own apartment. BB needed dinner and she needed a change of clothes. She'd wanted to come back and spend the night with him but neither of them brought it up, the uncertainty of being apart finally drifting back between them.

Rey had wanted to be brave and ask, knowing he probably wanted her too. But he'd had a long trip and maybe just wanted some down time alone in his apartment. So instead, she kissed him goodnight and made plans to see him first thing in the morning.

She'd been drifting in and out of sleep all night, until around three in the morning, a guttural moan sounded from Kylo's room.

Tears pricked at her eyes. Poor Kylo. He couldn't get one night of uninterrupted sleep and here she was, stuck in her apartment once again with no way to help him with-

Her eyes fell on the key on her bedside table.

Rey was up and out of bed in a flash, feeling dumb. Of course, she had a key to his apartment.

Wrapping her silky gray robe around herself, she hurried out of her place and over to his door, shivering as the chilly air nipped at her bare legs. At his door, she didn't even hesitate, unlocking it quietly and letting herself in.

She locked it behind her, setting the key on his kitchen counter, before creeping over to his room. The door was slightly ajar, the hall light illuminating a sliver of the bed and Kylo in it.

He had flung the blankets off of himself, hands twisted in the sheets so tightly that the tendons in his arms were standing out. His teeth were bared, mouth locked in a wordless snarl, pained sounding moans slipping out.

As Rey crept closer, she could see his eyes darting around beneath his closed eyelids.

"No, please," he rasped quietly, flinching in his sleep. He pressed himself into the bed, trying to get away.

Rey covered her mouth, trying so hard to push back tears. She'd had to listen to this for so long, but now, to see it, to see him in so much pain... it was like a knife to the heart. God, he hurt to look at.

She straightened her spine, pushing the thoughts from her mind. Kylo needed her, needed comfort. She could pity him later.

Slipping into his bed cautiously, she ran a gentle hand up and down one of his arms, just trying to soothe him with her touch. Part of her was nervous that he would lash out at her in his sleep and hurt her, but as she touched him, he just whimpered and relaxed slightly, fingers uncurling from the sheets.

Slowly, she kept stroking his arm, raising her other hand to rub soft circles on his chest. After a minute, his breathing slowed down to a more normal rate.

He whimpered again and Rey pressed against him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Shhhh," she said softly, pressing kisses against his shoulder, his chest, wherever she could reach. "Shhhh Kylo, you're safe. I've got you."

His eyes fluttered open slightly. "Rey?" he asked groggily.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered, running a hand through his hair slowly. "Everything's okay, I promise."

He nodded slightly, eyes drifting shut as she caressed his face.

Laying there in the dark, Kylo finally sleeping peacefully, Rey felt a new sense of determination, of purpose. Perhaps, if Snoke was punished for what he did, Kylo would sleep easier at night, free of his demons. He needed to know that peace could be achieved, even after being abused.

There was someone she needed to go see, now that she had saved up enough money. She didn't want to go see him but she knew that doing so would help her heal and be free of her past. She needed to do it, for her.

She hadn't been sure about taking Kylo with her but now, watching him in the dark, she thought that perhaps doing so would help him. Maybe seeing her face her fears would inspire him to do the same.

So she laid in bed with her arms wrapped around her lover and started making plans for tomorrow.

 _ **Yay, reunited babies! I'm so excited for all of the chapters coming up, I wish I would write like ten times faster. I'm also compiling a collection of deleted scenes from this story that I have no idea what to do with haha! Anyways, thanks so much for the support, I might have some cool news coming up soon that has to do with this story :D love you guys!**_


	18. Chapter 18

The smell of bacon wafting through Kylo's bedroom woke Rey up slowly. For a second, she forgot why she was here before the night came rushing back to her. She was alone in bed but she could hear Kylo moving around in the kitchen, making breakfast if she had to guess based on the delicious smells.

She sat up slightly, yawning, and saw that it was still fairly early. That was good though, assuming that Kylo decided to go with her today, they'd have a bit of a drive.

Speaking of Kylo, he poked his head into the room a few seconds later, obviously trying to be quiet in case she was still asleep.

"Good morning," he said quietly, brown eyes soft as he gazed at her.

"Hi," Rey responded awkwardly, thrown by the look he was giving her.

He glanced over his shoulder at something then disappeared for a minute, sounds floating from the kitchen. When he reappeared, he was holding a tray in his hands, loaded with plates of food.

"What's all this?" she asked, struggling to sit up a little better as he set the tray on her lap.

Kylo shrugged. "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed."

There was a huge plate of eggs and bacon and toast, with a smaller bowl of fruit on the side. A glass of orange juice was perched on the edge and at the top right corner, a small glass with a daisy in it.

Rey stared down at the tray, seeing it for what it was. A thank you from a man who wasn't comfortable with words.

"This wasn't necessary," she muttered, feeling her cheeks get warm.

Kylo took her hand, staring down at their intertwined fingers. "Last night... coming here for me... I-" He struggled to find the words. "No one has ever done that for me. With the nightmares, the memories, I'm always alone."

"You're not alone," she told him fiercely, squeezing his hand.

He didn't say anything, just stroked her knuckles with his thumb as she picked up the fork with her free hand and started eating.

After a few bites, she cleared her throat. "I was wondering if you'd like to do something with me today?"

"Anything," he replied immediately, without hesitation.

"It's a long drive," she warned him. "I need to go visit someone but he lives across the state. I'm not going to tell you where we're going until we get there but I would really like it if you'd come and do this with me."

Kylo listened, brow furrowed. He was confused obviously, but if she told him where they were going now, there was a good chance he would say no. And possibly lock her up so she couldn't go either.

"Is it something dangerous?" he finally asked.

"I don't think so," she answered honestly. "I'm still nervous and would like your support. But you don't have to come, I was initially planning on going alone, I just-"

He shook his head, cutting her off. "Of course I'll come."

She hadn't realized how badly she wanted him to say yes until relief washed over her in a wave.

After breakfast, she went back to her apartment to feed BB and change quickly. She dressed nicely, dark jeans, a purple top, and a light jacket. In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and did her hair, pinning back one side and tucking the daisy from her tray into the pin.

In her room, she couched down in front of her open closet, tugging a shoebox out from under a shelf. Inside, a bag of money stared up at her. Just over three thousand dollars. Not a lot, but it had taken her a while to save. Staring at it now and thinking it wasn't much was such a contrast to years ago, holding that much in her hands and feeling free. Knowing she could run and escape and survive.

She shoved the money in her purse, zipping it closed firmly.

Kylo waited for her in the downstairs landing, dressed in his usual dark clothing. He gave her a shy smile when he saw that she'd pinned the daisy from him in her hair.

When she'd been planning on going alone, she had to look up bus routes to figure out which would take her across the state. She'd been dreading the long trip. But now, a long car ride with Kylo didn't seem too bad. Even if she was nervous as hell.

In the car, she punched the address into the GPS on her phone, turning it off until they needed it. Kylo eyed it over her shoulder, obviously curious as to where they were going.

"Jakku?" he asked. "Never heard of it."

Rey smiled tightly. "I'm not surprised. It's a small town near the state line. Not much to see." She debated for a second, wondering how much Kylo would figure out. "It's also one of the places I grew up in."

Surprise flared in his eyes, settling into a thoughtful look. After a long second, he didn't say anything, just put the car in drive and they rolled out onto the street.

The drive there was surprisingly beautiful. Rey hadn't been out this way since the night she left, a night that was just a blur of fear, anxiety, people's faces on a dark bus. But now, she gazed out the window in awe. It had been so long since she'd left the city, she'd forgotten how lovely the area was.

"Do you want to listen to anything?" Kylo eventually asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

Rey started to shake her head then remembered. "Oh! Mind if I pull something up on my phone?"

He gave her a sideways look, obviously finding her silly for even asking. She stuck out her tongue, digging her phone out of her pocket. She connecting it to his car stereo with bluetooth and found the playlist she was looking for.

As the chords of a familiar song floated through the car, Kylo gave her an incredulous look, obviously wondering if it was a coincidence.

"What?" she smirked. "I pay attention."

Over the last few weeks, she'd been putting together a playlist for them. It seemed silly but every time he mentioned a song or band that he liked or showed interest in one she talked about, she would put in on here. She'd just wanted something special, something that was uniquely theirs.

Kylo reached over and took her hand in his, resting them on his knee. As her anxiety grew with each mile that passed, she leaned on his quiet strength and support that radiated from him.

It took them several hours to get there. Jakku was a dusty little town, one of those ones where everything looked yellow and faded. As they drove through, all of the memories started flooding back to Rey and she had to focus on breathing deep. When she'd left, she'd promised herself she'd never come back.

She glanced over at Kylo, immensely grateful that he was here with her.

"Turn down this street," she told him, heart starting to pound.

He did as she told, getting on a street that looked like all the others. Rey could see her old home at the end. Though she had never actually called it home.

"Could you pull over here please?" she asked, gesturing to the side of the street.

He did, putting the car in park and giving her a concerned look. They were only a few blocks away and she wanted to explain to Kylo what was going on.

"Why are we here?" he asked softly, scanning the houses like they would give him a clue. Kylo was smart, she wouldn't be surprised if he'd already figured it out.

"We're here to see Unkar Plutt."

His mouth tightening into a flat line. "You mean the man who treated you like a slave and starved and abused you?"

"Yep." Rey's mouth was dry.

She could tell that Kylo was struggling. "Why? Why would you come back here?"

Letting out a sigh, she opened her purse and took out the baggie of money. He looked confused, glancing between it and her face.

"I haven't told you about when I left here," she started, staring down at the cash. "I told you it took me months to leave. But when I finally decided to go, I knew I needed money for bus tickets and to survive at first. So I broke into Plutt's office and stole all the money he had in the house."

She swallowed heavily, avoiding Kylo's gaze.

"Most of it was my money anyway, from all the things he made me steal. I was so angry, I didn't feel like I was going anything wrong. But once I escaped and found Finn, got my own place and a job, it bothered me. So I started saving."

"Rey," Kylo said gently. "You realize you don't owe this man anything, right? I don't understand why you'd even-"

She shook her head. "It's not about him, it's about me. I need to know that I didn't make it because of his money, that in the end, he didn't give me anything. I need the weight of it to be gone. I don't want anything of his."

Glancing over at the house at the end of the street, she continued. "And, I need to see him again. Do you understand? I need him to see that I made it, that I'm happy. And I need to see that he's still miserable and sad, living out here with the all the junk. I just- I need that peace, that resolution. I don't want to have to think about him anymore."

Rey finally looked at Kylo and found understanding and acceptance in his eyes.

"I understand," he told her.

They got out of the car and walked down the street together. Plutt's house was just how she remembered. Faded yellow chipping paint, porch stairs sagging a bit, weeds growing around the walkway. The driveway and yard were filled with cars, in various states of disarray, scraps of metal scattered about.

On the porch, Rey took a deep breath, feeling Kylo's comforting presence behind her, and knocked. She was ready to be done with this.

After a tense minute, the door opened, revealing a young man.

"Uh, hello," Rey said with forced cheerfulness. "We're looking for Unkar Plutt."

"He's out back." The boy eyed her curiously. "I can go get him for you if you'd like. Who should I say is asking?"

She hesitated for a second then figured it was too late for that. "Rey. He'll know who I am."

He nodded, holding the door open wide. "You can wait inside."

"Thanks," Rey muttered but the boy was already hurrying away.

She took a few tentative steps into her old home, somehow surprised and unsurprised that everything looked the same. Dirty boots by the door, faded rug going up the stairs, no art or photographs on the walls. It even smelled the same, like dust and old things.

"You okay?" Kylo asked quietly, following her into the house.

She didn't respond, her eyes snagging on a little door tucked in the corner under the stairs. Walking towards it as if in a trace, she crouched down and opened it with a creak. Shoes and jackets stared out at her.

Kylo joined her, looking inside the dimly lit closet curiously.

"This was where I used to sleep," she whispered, feeling those nights of terror and claustrophobia pushing down on her. She'd had a little pile of blankets, no pillow, and would curl up like in a nest, trying to get comfortable on the hard floor.

He reached out, tracing tally marks she'd scratched into the wall. One for every night spent in that wretched closet, the whole walked covered in a blanket of marks. His hand clenched into a tight fist.

"Don't think you'd fit anymore," a growling voice said from behind them.

Rey jumped to her feet, whirling around as Kylo did the same, half stepping in front of her protectively.

Plutt barely spared him a glance, eyes locked on Rey.

Just like the house, he had hardly changed. Dirty, oil-streaked shirt stretched around a big stomach, flat nose under black, shark looking eyes. His hair was balding, the wrinkles around his eyes more pronounced than the last time she'd seen him. Her breath caught in her chest at the sight of him.

"I didn't believe the boy but here you are," he mocked. "Little Rey, finally come home."

"This was never my home," Rey responded firmly, finally finding her voice.

Plutt snorted loudly. "This was your home because no one else wanted you. You seem to forget that."

Kylo tensed but Rey ignored them both, reaching into her purse.

"I only came back to give you this," she said, pulling out the bag of cash and tossing it to him. He caught it, gave it a look, then with a laugh, threw it over his shoulder onto the floor.

"Oh yes, the money you stole. I'd forgotten about that." He let out another laugh. "Was that your plan then? Show up here and return my money so you don't have that on your conscience? Trying to show off your nice clothes and your new boyfriend? You can try to show me that you've moved on as much as you want but I still know what you are... worthless trash that no one wanted."

Kylo let out a noise but Rey put a hand on his arm.

Being here and seeing Plutt, hearing him say those words... It meant absolutely nothing. Seeing him now just made her realize how much she didn't care about him or his opinion. She'd done what she needed to do and how she was free of him. She had been for a long time, she just hadn't realized it.

He mistook her silence and grinned viciously.

"High and mighty Rey, thinking she's better than everyone else." He turned to Kylo. "Did she tell you about the night she left? How she almost killed me? She should be in prison right now. You're so lucky I never called the cops."

She refused to flinch, though his words sucked the air from her lungs. That and the questioning look that Kylo gave her.

"You didn't call the cops out of a sense of self-preservation," she retorted, keeping her voice even. "You have so much illegal shit going on here, so many things I would have happily told them."

Plutt's face turned a splotchy purple and he took a step towards them.

"You were always an ungrateful bitch. Turning your nose up at everything I gave you. You're lucky that I kept you around, that I didn't dump you on the street where you belong."

Rey let out a cold laugh. "Lucky? Being starved was lucky? Being forced to steal from people and fight for my meals was lucky? Almost getting sold off to one of your disgusting friends, that's lucky?"

Understanding lit up in Plutt's squinty eyes. "Is that why you left? That was just talk, nothing had been decided-"

"You were going to let him prostitute me out!"

The events of that night came back to her in a rush. Crouching on the stairs, listening to Plutt and his friend talking in the kitchen. He mentioned Rey was growing up, starting to fill out in all the right places, which Plutt had laughed at and said no one in their right mind would find her attractive. His friend said that some of "his girls" made good money, if the right person was paying. Plutt had asked what kind of money they were talking about. They started discussing numbers when Rey ran back upstairs and packed up the few belonging she had.

Plutt rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic. He was offering to give you a good job, a way for you to make me some money. You could've started paying me back for everything I wasted on you."

"I was sixteen," she hissed. "And you were going to give me to your pimp friend and let him sell me off to the highest bidder."

Kylo's face was stricken, bone pale as he listened. Rey hadn't told anyone, not even Finn, about this but there was no taking it back now.

Plutt opened his mouth but she cut him off with a vicious swipe of her hand. "I don't want to hear any more. Your words mean nothing to me. We're leaving. Enjoy your money and what's left of your life."

She turned to head towards the door, Kylo a step ahead of her.

"You're nothing but trash, no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise," Plutt said to her back. "Dirty, whoring trash. You would have been lucky if anyone paid for a piece of you. God know's that's the best you'll ever get, the best you deserve."

Kylo halted, shoulders tense. Rey grabbed his arm, ready to tug him out of the house when Plutt made a noise behind her and something wet hit the back of her head.

It took her a second to realize that he had spit on her and by then, Kylo had already spun around, murder on his face.

He started towards Plutt who had enough good sense to back away frantically, realizing he had just messed up big time. Rey dove between them, firmly planting both of her hands on Kylo's chest.

"Kylo, stop." She told him, knowing he could knock her aside with half a thought. But he paused, chest heaving in barely restrained anger.

"He's not worth it," she told him softly, trying to catch his gaze which was firmly fixed on the man behind her.

She could see the muscle twitching in his jaw. "But he- he said-"

"I know," she said calmly. "Kylo."

He finally looked at her, brown eyes furious. She kept her gaze on him, letting him see how unaffected she was by Plutt's words.

"He's not worth it," she said slowly, so he could see that she meant it. Her hand slipped down to take his. "Come on, let's get out of here."

She didn't spare Plutt another glance as she led Kylo to the front door. He didn't resist but she could feel the tension in his body, that it was taking everything in him to not rush back and punch her old guardian across the face. Finn would have already.

He hesitated at the door though, pivoting back around. Rey tensed, worried she wouldn't be able to stop him a second time if he rushed him.

But Kylo just stood there for a second.

"You have no idea what you lost the day you decided she wasn't worth your love," he said quietly, almost sympathetically. "You were never worthy of her but she would have given you a chance and you gave that up. I hope you regret that until the day you die, alone and unhappy."

Plutt just glared at them and said nothing.

Rey felt something hot in her chest as they turned around and left for good. Kylo's words would mean absolutely nothing to Plutt, wouldn't cause a second of thought or regret, but still, that he said them...

Once in the car, Kylo made no movement to start it. He had both hands firmly around the wheel, flexing and unflexing, jaw tightly clenched. Rey just sat in the passenger seat, letting him calm down and feeling strangely unaffected by the whole thing. She was focusing more on what he had said than her encounter with Plutt. In a way, it had gone exactly as she'd expected.

"That man was..." he trailed off, looking for the word.

"Repulsive?" Rey offered helpfully. "Vile? Disgusting? Wretched?" She laughed quietly.

Kylo looked appalled. "This isn't funny. Why are you laughing?"

She shrugged, trying to explain. "It's not funny, it's just... he was trying so hard to upset me. And in doing so, he just made me realize how much he couldn't do that anymore. I never cared about his opinion and he has no control over me."

She leaned back and let out a deep, cleansing breath, feeling a smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

This feeling... this was what she had been searching for. Freedom from her past. The knowledge that she'd done the right thing and come out on top. Plutt was just as sad of a man as she'd thought when she was younger and she knew that inside, he was miserable and alone. That was enough for her.

"I'm free from him," she said, feeling tears prick at her eyes as the truth of it settled in her heart. She didn't have room in her life for thoughts of him anymore. It was time to let this part of her past die.

Kylo was quiet for a second, just watching her with a peculiar expression on his face.

"You never told me that he planned to-"

"Prostitute me out at sixteen?" Rey said, finishing his question. She shook her head. "I don't know if it would have happened. But that night, I knew that if it did, I'd lose a part of myself I couldn't get back. If I didn't run and let myself be led into that situation knowingly, I'd never find a way to leave. It made me realize that I did still believe that I was worth something and deserved a life better than the one I had."

She chuckled softly without any real humor. "I guess I was lucky in that way. Plutt kind of helped me out in the end, giving me the push I needed."

Kylo looked away and Rey bit her lip, realizing what she said applied to him in a way. Except he hadn't thought he was worth saving, he'd ran to hurt Snoke. He had already lost hope for himself when she had found it.

Silence stretched on for a few seconds until he lifted his head, obviously wanting to ask something. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, uncertain.

"What did he mean that you almost killed him?" he finally asked her quietly.

Her neck prickled with a phantom chill. She didn't like thinking about that night, about the dark part of herself that it revealed. But she knew that if anyone would understand, it would be him.

"When I decided to leave after hearing the plans he was making... I needed him out of the picture for a while so I could steal the money and get away. He- he had some sleeping pills in the bathroom from when he had surgery on his knee. I spiked his drink that night and knocked him out. I knew how much to give him, he was being dramatic by saying that I almost killed him." She paused for a second. "But there was a moment, just a split second when I considered... I thought about everything he had done and planned to do and I wanted to- I thought about-"

The memory flashed through her mind, of her small pale hand hovering over his glass, clutching several pills in her palm. Trying to work up the courage to drop them in, to be free of her abuser forever. All it would take was for her to open her hand-

She cut off with a shudder. As she'd thought before, people who were adamant that violence wasn't the answer were lucky enough to never be put in a position where they'd had to question that. She hadn't been lucky.

But, she reminded herself firmly, she hadn't done it. That was all she needed to know, that in the end, she hadn't done it.

Kylo leaned across the middle console of the car and pulled her to him, just holding her, giving her his understanding and acceptance. He knew what it was like to live with this, the conflict in her soul.

After a minute, she pulled away, kissing his cheek with a small smile. Though the memories were hard, today had been a victory and she'd won with Kylo at her side.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

 _ **I'm so excited that I managed to bust this out in a few days rather than a week. This scene was just something I'd had in my head from the beginning and it was always such an important thing for Rey's character and growth. I hope you guys enjoyed!**_


	19. Chapter 19

By the time they got back to the apartment, it was late afternoon. They had spent the car ride back talking about happier things, simpler things. But now that they were home and Kylo had just helped her face her past and saw the positive outcome for her, she knew it was time to tell him.

She slung off her purse, setting it on his counter and crossing her arms. Her stomach was twisting a hundred times more than it had when they visited Plutt's and she felt slightly sick.

There was no way that she couldn't tell him, she knew that. She'd already been lucky that she'd waited this long and it hadn't bit her in the ass. But as Rey stood there and watched Kylo cross the kitchen and open a cabinet with a small smile on his face, she wished he never had to know. That she didn't have to be the one to destroy the feeling of safety he had worked so hard to obtain.

It was a selfish thing but she wished it all the same.

"Kylo."

He paused from where he was getting a glass of water, obviously hearing the distress in her voice.

"I- I need to tell you something." She rubbed a hand up and down her arm nervously, her conflicting emotions swirling around inside her, making her feel lightheaded. She wanted to sit down but knew she needed to be strong.

He was clearly waiting for her to continue, his carefree expression fading as the silence stretched out longer and longer. He set the glass down on the counter, eyes fixed on her. The words were stuck in her throat and she finally managed to spit them out after a silent struggle.

"I saw Snoke."

His expression went dead, eyes emptying of all emotion. He looked hollow, like she'd stolen his soul with those three words. "What?"

"I saw him. When you were on your trip, the day before you came back. He walked by the cafe. I'm positive it was him."

Rey was holding her breath, lungs screaming as what she said sank in. Kylo reached out to brace himself against the counter and she saw that his hand was shaking.

"What- Why- Why would he be here? So close to my apartment?" His chest was heaving, quick stuttering breaths. She could see that he was on the edge of a full-blown panic attack. "Was he here for me? Does he- does he know-"

She rushed over to him. "Kylo, deep breaths. Here, sit down." She helped him sit on the floor, guiding his head between his knees. Grabbing his empty glass from the counter, she filled it with cold water and tried to hand it to him but he wouldn't take it. He was shuddering violently, fingers digging in where he'd wrapped them around his knees.

Instinctively, she wanted to wrap her arms around him but she knew from personal panic attacks, she usually needed space and air and didn't want someone clinging to her. So she just sat next to him, making soothing noises while his breath sawed in and out of his chest in harsh gasps.

After a minute, he seemed to regain a bit of control, taking controlled, steady breaths and muttering quietly to himself.

"Listen," Rey said, tentatively laying a cold hand on the exposed part of his neck. "Just focus on breathing and listen to me for a minute. Don't say anything, just listen. Okay?"

"Okay," he rasped, head still down.

She closed her eyes, trying to get her thoughts straight. The last thing she wanted was to panic Kylo further but they couldn't just ignore this. If they didn't talk about it now, they'd just have to go through all of this again later.

"We have to consider the fact that he might know where you live. It could have been a total coincidence that he was here, but it also could have been because he was checking out the area and maybe even this apartment. He could know you're here and there's a possibility that he could show up at any time."

Kylo let out a terrible sounding moan and her heart tried to shred itself in her chest. She hated herself at this moment but she fortified herself and continued.

"I know, I'm sorry, but we have to consider it. Which is why I think we need to turn him in, before he shows up and hurts you."

He lifted his head at that, looking at her.

"Are you insane?" he whispered hoarsely. "Turn him in? To who? He's the fucking governor. He would hurt us and destroy my mother's career. No. No way."

Rey bit her lip. "Your mother wouldn't want you to choose her over yourself, you know she wouldn't. And just because he's the governor doesn't mean he's above the law. We take this to the authorities and get him locked up. He'll never bother you again."

Kylo's eyes went glassy. "Never bother me again? Rey, don't you get it? I'll never get rid of him, he made sure of that when he broke me."

He spoke so factually, so emotionlessly. "He ruined me, Rey. I'll never be free of him. I see him constantly, in my dreams, in the people on the street. He carved himself into my body and soul, marking me. He'll never go away, he'll never let me have peace."

She slipped her hand around to grip the hair at the back of his head tightly, pulling his forehead down to rest against hers.

"Don't you say that," she whispered fiercely. "Don't you dare let him win. I know you're afraid but you are stronger and braver than that."

She unwound her fingers from his hair, sliding her hand back down and resting it over his heart, staring into his eyes. "You belong to no one but yourself. I won't let him have you. Healing can take time but you'll never be free if you're looking over your shoulder for him for the rest of your life. I'll fight for you but I need you to help me."

He was shaking his head, stumbling to his feet unsteadily. "No, you don't understand. I don't want you to fight him, I don't want you anywhere near him. He will ruin you."

She wanted to say that she wasn't scared of Snoke but she didn't have it in her to lie. But her feelings for Kylo, her desire to help him outweighed her fear. She couldn't let Snoke win. She wouldn't.

Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for what she was about to say. Something horrible beyond words but it needed to be said.

"You need to realize... he might be abusing another boy."

Kylo froze, a mixture of emotions flashing across his face. Disgust, horror, hatred... He spun around and punched the wall, plaster cracking and raining down onto the floor.

"Kylo!" Rey rushed over to him, taking his hand in hers. The skin on his knuckles was split, blood streaked across his skin.

He hardly seemed to notice as he slid down the wall. He was breathing heavy again and it took Rey a second to realize he was crying. Silent tears slipping down his cheeks as he sat and stared at the floor.

"I can't- I can't let what happened to me happen to someone else," he choked out. "Another child- I can't-"

"I know. You could never let that happen, not when you could do something about it," Rey said fiercely, feeling the truth of it in her heart. Kylo was too good, too caring and selfless to let that happen.

The sigh that Kylo let out was so weary, so exhausted, it made Rey's heart hurt. It was the sigh of a man who was tired of life, tired of the struggle and the constant, unending fight.

But she could see it on his face, the thought of another boy being where he was... he couldn't ignore it. She could see the ghost of young Ben Solo looking out through Kylo's eyes.

He cradled his injured hand against his bare chest, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "What's your plan then? How do you think we're going to make this work? I can't just go to the police, it would be my word against his and everyone thinks Ben Solo is off on a nice vacation at a mental institution."

Rey sat with him, knowing what he said was true. If they were going to do this, they needed to be smart. They couldn't just accuse the governor of something like this, they'd be silenced immediately and called crazy or liars or both.

"I think..." she hesitated, nervous to continue. "I think we need to start with telling your mother the truth."

As she expected, Kylo flinched away, immediately rejecting the idea.

"No. No, I won't bring her into this. I don't want her to know that I- that I-"

"That you what?" Rey challenged. "That you were abused as a child through no fault of your own? That you tried to protect her from the truth for all of these years? And that now, you're trying to protect future children from Snoke?"

She sat up straighter, putting a hand on his knee. "If anything, your mother will be proud of your bravery. Like I am. It's going to hurt for her to hear and she'll probably blame herself but she needs to know. She deserves to know the real you, to know what an amazing man her son is."

Kylo looked away but not before Rey saw another tear streak down his face. She looked away, giving him a second to collect himself.

"Even if I told her, I don't see how that would help us," he finally said, voice thick with emotion.

"We'd have someone credible and with political power on our side," she pointed out. "She probably knows someone in the police who would take us seriously. And she knows Snoke, maybe she'd have an idea about how to take him down."

He was silent for a minute, thinking things over. She could tell it was painful for him and that the hope of getting justice and being free of Snoke was a frightening thing to consider. Hope could be fragile and frightening when you let it into your heart after so long without it.

"Okay," he finally muttered. "I'll try to contact my mother and make plans to talk with her."

Relief crashed over Rey like a wave. Her heart swelled with emotion as she stared at the beautiful, brave man sitting before her.

She leaned in and kissed Kylo on the cheek softly. "Everything will be okay. You've got me and soon your mother will join us. We'll help you make this right."

He nodded but couldn't hide the doubt and fear in his eyes.

...

Rey had to work the next day, though she was terrified to leave Kylo alone. She let him stay at her place last night, BB their silent protector at the door, but he'd still jumped at any sound, his body a tight knot of anxiety and fear. His nightmares were worse than ever, to the point where Rey ended up waking him out of fear that he would hurt himself. She knew he hadn't gone back to sleep after that, staring into the dark as she wrapped herself around him.

They had debated on whether he should come to the cafe tonight or not. Rey was nervous that Snoke could be in the area again but Kylo was adamant that he would come.

"If it was a coincidence, then I have nothing to worry about. I sit in the back anyway," he pointed out. "And if he knows where I live, I'm already fucked. Going out isn't going to change anything. I'd rather be able to keep an eye on you."

She had given in in the end, thinking that she'd rather he was where she could keep an eye on him too.

At work all day, the thought of Snoke showing up at his apartment when he was there alone haunted her. She was trying to keep calm and not freak Kylo out with her own fears, but she still texted him on every break. Every time he responded, the surge of relief made her dizzy.

When Poe had asked how their reunion had gone, she'd stared at him blankly for a few seconds before she remembered. God, it felt like it had been weeks since Kylo had left. She could hardly believe it had only been a few days.

Around five, Finn walked through the door. He grinned hugely at Rey, striding over to the counter.

"What are you going here?" She asked, coming around to hug him. His familiar scent surrounded her and she felt the tight band around her chest loosen just a bit.

"I wanted to see how you're doing, we haven't talked for a few days." He looked her up and down, seeming satisfied that she was still in one piece, though he eyed her slouchy sweater and comfy jeans with a frown.

Poe came out of the back, surprise lighting up his face. "Hey handsome," he called, throwing a wink their way.

Finn grinned, cheeks pink. Oh goodness, they were too adorable. Why hadn't she tried to hook them up months ago?

"Are you here to visit me or your boyfriend?" Rey asked, arching a brow.

He looked offended. "You, of course... and then Poe."

She laughed, rolling her eyes and leading him over to sit at a table away from the window. She'd been avoiding looking outside all day, certain she'd see Snoke staring at her through the glass. She shivered.

"So, what have you been up to? You and Kylo just relaxing the last few days?"

Ha. She wished. God, where to even start?

"Not really. We went and saw Plutt."

Finn's eyes widened in surprise. "What? When? And you took Kylo? What happened?"

Rey left out a huff of laughter, rubbing her forehead. "We went yesterday. He drove us down and we were in and out pretty quick. I'm glad Kylo came with though, Plutt... he was pretty vicious. I don't know what he would have done if I was alone. But I gave him the money and I'm done with him."

He drummed his fingers against the table, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by vicious? Did he say something?"

"Oh, just the usual. Talked about how I'm worthless trash and a snotty bitch." Rey tried to keep her tone light and joking. "No surprises there."

"Yeah, maybe it's good that you didn't bring me along," Finn said darkly. "I would have hit him for sure."

"Kylo almost did," she told him. "I had to jump between them and stop him from beating Plutt to a bloody pulp. I don't think Plutt even realized how close he was to being hospitalized." The thought shouldn't bring her so much satisfaction.

Finn raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. "Did he? Damn, maybe I should rethink my opinion of him."

Rey tried not to smile. "If you think that's impressive, you should have heard his exiting lines. He pretty much told Plutt he was the biggest idiot for not giving me a chance and that he hoped he died alone and miserable and full of regret. It was pretty awesome."

He didn't even try to hide his grin. "Okay, Kylo might be growing on me, despite my better judgment."

"Be nice," Rey admonished. "You'd like him if you gave him a chance."

And she meant it. Though they were two completely different people, she really thought they'd get along if they tried. Finn got along with everyone and she knew that once he spoke with Kylo, he'd see the same good qualities in him that she did. Kylo was just quieter and better at hiding the fact that he was a good person.

Looking away, Finn had the good graces to look a little ashamed.

Twisting her fingers, she considered telling him about her plan with Kylo. She would love to lean on him right now and get the weight off of her chest, but she didn't want him to worry. Or to betray Kylo's trust in any way.

"How are you and Poe doing?" she asked instead.

His eyes lit up, though he tried to play it cool, shrugging like he didn't care. "We're fine. I took your advice, just going with the flow and letting him make his own decisions. It seems to be working pretty well."

Though he said it nonchalantly, Rey knew that it couldn't have been an easy decision for him. She was so proud of him though for trying and being brave enough to let someone else take the reins for a bit.

"Well, you didn't ask me but I think you guys are a good match," she told him, happy for him. "And Poe really does like you."

Right on cue, Poe glided out from behind the counter, setting a mocha down in front of Finn and giving him a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek.

"On the house," he told him, a playful smile curling at his lips. "But only because you're so cute."

When he walked away, it took Finn five minutes to lose his blush.

...

Finn stuck around for the rest of the night, chatting with Rey and Poe and pulling a book from his bag. He seemed relaxed but had never stayed here for so long and she thought that maybe he was taking Poe out after they closed up for the night.

It wasn't until Kylo walked in that she realized Finn had been waiting for him.

"Hey," she called to Kylo, noticing how tired and strained he looked. His hair was messier than usual, dark bruises under both eyes and he was pale. It must have been a stressful walk over for him.

"Go sit down, I'll bring you some tea," she murmured softly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

Finn straightened in his seat, eyes fixed on Kylo.

"Kylo," he waved. "Come sit with me."

Rey tried to give him a warning look as Kylo stiffened, heading over to his table warily. She lingered for a minute, just within earshot, trying to make sure Finn was being on his best behavior.

"Hey man," he said as Kylo sat, looking uncertain and confused. "Rey told me about you helping her with Plutt. How you stood up for her. She won't admit that it was hard for her to go and do that, but I know having you there with her made it easier. I just wanted to say thank you. She means the world to me and you helped her a lot."

Finn paused, rubbing his head self consciously. "I want to apologize too, about what I accused you of a while ago and sticking my nose in your business. I misjudged you and I'm sorry. You seem like a good guy for Rey."

Rey peeked over her shoulder, seeing the genuine surprise on Kylo's face. He obviously hadn't been expecting this.

"It's uh- no problem," he said awkwardly. "I can understand being overprotective where Rey is concerned."

Finn chuckled quietly then held out his hand. "I'd like it if we could be friends. I promise I'm not a giant dick all the time."

Kylo took his hand hesitantly. "Yeah, I'd like that too."

Smiling to herself, Rey headed back to the counter and made Kylo's tea, keeping one eye on their table. Slowly, she could see his tension and nervousness slipping away, shoulders relaxing. Finn had that sort of charismatic charm that always put people at ease and Kylo was no exception. Though it was silly with everything else going on, the sight of the two of them getting along made her throat tighten with emotion.

"You guys playing nice?" she asked, bringing Kylo's drink and a new mocha for Finn.

Finn snorted. "When am I ever nice?"

She laughed, rolling her eyes. He was always an angel and he knew it.

"Actually," he said, eyes falling back on Kylo. She saw him take in his strained appearance, the sympathy he tried so hard to hide flashing on his face for a second. Finn was too perceptive sometimes and she knew that he sensed something was going on, something that was hurting Kylo. "I wanted to ask if you guys want to come over to my place after you close. Poe and I are having dinner and watching a movie, we'd love it if you wanted to join."

Rey glanced at Kylo, feeling bad he was being put in an awkward situation, even if Finn was just trying to be kind. He didn't know what was going on. She turned back to Finn, opening her mouth, trying to tell him with her eyes that now just wasn't the time. Kylo was stressed and a ball of crackling tension, the last thing he'd want to do was get put into an anxiety-inducing situation like socializing.

"Sorry Finn, we actually-" she started but Kylo cut her off.

"Yeah, we'd like that."

She tried and failed to hide her surprise. But in her defense, he even looked surprised that the words came out of his mouth.

"We would?" she asked, trying to not sound too skeptical.

He seemed to consider for a second, hiding his pause behind taking a sip of tea.

After a second, he nodded. "Yes. It sounds fun."

Finn watched with an amused expression on his face but didn't comment. "I'll go let Poe know," he said, sliding out of his seat.

The second he was gone, Rey turned to Kylo.

"You don't have to say yes," she told him quietly. "His feelings wouldn't be hurt and you don't have to do this for me. We always have time later, once things have calmed down a bit."

Kylo shook his head. "I know, I just- I like him," he said helplessly, looking vaguely confused at the words coming out of his mouth. "I _want_ to go spend time with them tonight, it actually sounds kind of nice. Plus, getting away from the apartment right now..."

Rey nodded as he trailed off, understanding what he meant. She was trying really hard not to laugh at the thought that Finn had already worked his magic on Kylo, who seemed completely out of his depth at the moment.

She reached over and took his hand in her own, hoping that tonight would go well and offer them a brief reprieve.

 _ **This chapter took me a while to finish. Kylo's emotions and struggles are personally really difficult for me to write and I had to step back from it a few times. I find his emotions harder to put into words than Rey's but hopefully, I did an okay job.**_

 _ **Thanks to everyone for being part of such a kind and supportive fandom! I'm proud to be a part of it with you!**_


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning, Rey sat at Kylo's counter, watching him flip pancakes like it was the easiest thing in the world. She'd stayed over all night, knowing that neither of them wanted to be alone.

BB had been alone in her apartment a lot lately so Rey went and brought him over this morning, letting him sniff around Kylo's place. He'd nearly tripped Kylo twice, curling around his ankles as he cooked, before finally settling down on the couch.

Last night at Finn's place had actually gone surprisingly well. Poe picked up Chinese on the way and they sat around, chatting and watching some cheesy horror movie one of them had chosen.

Kylo had been obviously uncomfortable at first, quiet and nervous. It had taken him a minute to get out of the car, taking deep breaths and drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to realease some of the anxious energy. But as the night went on, Poe and Finn wore him down. It was impossible to not laugh at Poe's suggestive comments and to not feel at ease with Finn's steady calmness. Together, they managed to actually make Kylo smile and open up.

Occasionally, he would glance at Rey and she'd see it in his eyes, a childlike wonder and surprise that he was having a good time and enjoying himself.

When it was time to leave, Rey pulled Finn into a hug, gripping him tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered into his ear, feeling years of love for her friend wrapping around them at this moment.

He glanced over to where Kylo was helping Poe tidy up, face flushed red from something he'd said.

"He's a nice guy," he said honestly. "You let me know if you guys need help with anything. Anything," he repeated meaningfully.

Always perceptive Finn knew her too well.

"Thanks." She gave him a soft smile, then went to rescue Kylo and give Poe a hug goodbye.

Rey could tell that Kylo was feeling a little better this morning. The tension was still there but it felt a bit muted, like he had better control. Getting out last night had been good for him, even if it had been out of his comfort zone.

She glanced at the clock, not wanting to get around and go to work today. Kylo was going to try calling his mother and see if she'd meet with him. Though she knew that their meeting would be private, she still wanted to be here and available for him if he needed her.

Her phone buzzed on the counter. She scanned the message quickly, tapping out a quick reply.

"Finn said you left your jacket there last night. He's gonna swing by and drop it off."

Kylo frowned, brow furrowed. "I knew I was forgetting something but Poe kept distracting me, asking some _very_ personal questions."

Rey snorted into her hand. She could only imagine.

"I would just like to point out, I take no responsibility for that man. His filters are permanently broken, if they were ever there in the first place."

Kylo shook his head, looking amused as he set a stack of golden brown pancakes in front of her. Rey's mouth watered and she doused them in syrup, taking a huge bite.

"Come here," she told Kylo, snagging him the second he came around the counter and pulling him down for a sticky sweet kiss.

"I think you got more syrup on your face than in your mouth," he teased, and she could feel his lips smiling against hers.

She didn't have a comeback, since he was probably right, so she just kissed him again. There was something so right about this, softly kissing Kylo in the kitchen, pancakes in front of her, warm morning light streaming through the windows. It felt cozy and domestic, and she wanted to stay here forever.

"Thank you," she whispered, pulling away.

He gave her a strange look, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "For what?"

Shrugging, she suddenly felt a little self-conscious. How could she put into words the feeling that he gave her, the sense that everything would be okay if they were together?

"Just... for being with me," she said lamely.

But he smiled and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. Kylo always seemed to know what she meant, even if she didn't.

He went to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of orange juice and pouring himself a glass.

"You don't have to-" he started, a knock on his door cutting him off.

"Jeesh, that was quick." Rey started to get out of her chair but Kylo gestured for her to keep sitting.

"I'll let him in. Eat before your pancakes get cold." He strode over the to door, sipping his orange juice.

"Yes, dad," she muttered loud enough for him to hear.

He was laughing as he unlocked the door and swung it open.

Time seemed to slow down. Rey watched the glass slip from Kylo's fingers in slow motion, juice splashing across the floor as the glass shattered against the tile. He stood there, unmoving in the doorway, the grin still frozen on his face.

In front of him stood Governor Snoke.

With a rush, time seemed to catch up. Kylo stumbled backward, almost falling, the door swinging wide in his haste to back up. Rey's breath caught painfully in her chest and she scrambled out of her seat and to her feet, heart thumping in her ears.

He was dressed like the last time she saw him, a dark wool jacket with a high collar. His face was even more horrible up close, the whole left side sunken in and hard to look at. A smug smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he stepped over the threshold, though his eyes were cool.

"Get out," Rey commanded, her voice shrill and breathy sounding in her own ears.

Snoke barely spared her a glance, stepping carefully over the broken glass.

"Really, Ben? Did you have to make such a mess?" His voice was soft, like the slither of a snake through the grass, and Rey felt goosebumps break out across her skin.

Kylo flinched at the sound of his old name, recoiling further. The look on his face... she had never seen a look like that before.

Snoke smiled at him then and Rey swore, it would haunt her for days. In that smile, she could see that he thought he had won and would take pleasure in hurting Kylo for all he had done. In that smile, she could see the monster inside the man.

"What's wrong, Ben? Do you not recognize me?" He gestured to the mangled side of his face. "You shattered my bones when you attacked me that night. Destroyed my left cheekbone and jaw almost beyond repair, though the doctors tried to reconstruct my face."

He took another step into the apartment, glancing around casually, like he'd been invited into a friend's new place.

"Although," he continued. "My ratings in the polls did go up after I was released from the hospital. You can't go wrong with sympathy votes. Perhaps I should be thanking you."

The absolute arrogance he was exuding, here, in Kylo's home, like this was all just a game to him... rage filled Rey. That and the sight of Kylo pressing himself against the front of the counter, fear in his eyes as Snoke casually spoke to him about how he had destroyed his face. Like he'd been a child throwing a temper tantrum.

She strode around to place herself in front of Kylo firmly, forcing Snoke to look at her.

"I said leave," she spat. "If you aren't gone in the next five seconds, I'm calling the cops."

BB jumped up on the counter behind her and hissed at Snoke, all of his fur bristling. He could feel the tension in the room and knew something was wrong. A low growl rumbled in his chest.

Snoke glanced at the cat, unimpressed, then his pale blue eyes fell on her. "You must be Rey, the coffee girl. Shouldn't you be getting ready for work? I'm sure Mr. Dameron will be nervous if you're late."

She struggled to keep her expression blank as ice slid down her spine. He knew who she was, maybe looked her up. Which probably meant he had been watching her. Them. God knows for how long. Had he meant for her to see him that day outside the cafe, just to shake her up?

"Get. Out. Before I make you leave." She was proud that her voice didn't waver and she didn't look away from his gaze.

Snoke chuckled unhumorously. "You don't seem to realize the position you're in. I know all about you, Rey. To say I was disappointed that Ben was spending his nights with a filthy orphan from nowhere would be an understatement. But when I learned that you ran away from your foster family and they never tried to look for you, I knew there had to be a story there. I wonder how deep I'd have to dig before it comes out."

He knew. He knew about Plutt somehow, about her stealing his money and fleeing. And now he was threatening her, casually, in Kylo's kitchen. She felt him stiffen behind her, his sharp intake of breath as he realized what Snoke was saying.

"Threaten me all you want, I'm not afraid of you."

"Ben clearly hasn't told you-" Snoke started but Kylo cut him off.

"My name isn't Ben anymore," he said, voice wavering slightly from behind Rey. She felt his hand twist in the back of her shirt, clinging to her like a child.

Snoke smirked. "Ah yes, Kylo Ren, a ridiculous mask that you insist on wearing." He said it so dismissively, with a condescending curl to his lips.

He took another step forward and Rey tensed, ready to attack him if he came any closer. Her phone was at the other end of the counter and she could snatch it up and call the police. But she'd have to leave her position in front of Kylo and she couldn't bring herself to that. His hand was still wrapped in the back of her shirt, trembling against her spine.

"Ben," he said softly, almost gently. "Come home, where you belong. We can forget this ever happened. And you can see your mother again, I know that she misses you. Don't you miss her?"

"He's not going anywhere with you," Rey hissed, pressing into Kylo tighter.

For the first time, there was a crack in Snoke's calm facade as his mouth tightened, eye twitching. She could see it in his icy eyes, how badly he wanted to strike her. And she glared right back, daring him to.

"Rey?" Finn's questioning voice sounded through the room, shattering the tension. The door was still partially open and he walked right in on them. She saw him take in the scene, her protective stance in front of Kylo, confusion and recognition when he saw Snoke, followed by dark understating. His hands curled into loose fists at his sides.

"Everything okay?" he asked cautiously.

Rey could see it on Snoke's face, that he wasn't going to risk a further altercation. He would retreat... for now.

"Governor Snoke was just leaving," she said calmly, despite the fact that fading adrenaline was making her knees shake.

He smiled a slimy, fake smile. "Of course. I think I've overstayed my welcome."

"You were never welcome in the first place," Rey said lowly. "If you come near Kylo again, I swear I'll kill you."

He didn't look worried, perhaps knowing it was an empty threat.

"Yes, perhaps you would." He gave her a knowing look and she struggled to hide how much it shook her. There was no way he knew about that, about her moment of temptation with Plutt. But the way he looked at her... it was like he was peering right into the darkest corners of her soul.

He gave Kylo one last lingering look then swept by Finn, who stepped aside with narrowed eyes, and disappeared out the door.

The apartment was silent for a long second as everyone listened to his quiet footsteps down the stairs.

"Close the door and lock it," Rey finally told Finn, twisting around to see Kylo. It was more difficult than it should have been since his hand was still clutching at her shirt.

He looked pale and lifeless, like his soul had been sucked out of him.

"Kylo." Rey gently grabbed his face and made him look at her, though she wasn't sure if he was actually seeing her. "It's okay, he's gone. You're safe now."

Slowly, awareness came back into his eyes and the emotions in them made her stomach twist violently.

He lurched away from her, stumbling down the hall and into the bathroom. Rey hurried to follow but Finn grabbed her arm, holding her back. The sound of him being sick carried out into the room.

"I've got him," Finn told her, gently pushing her aside.

"No," she protested. "He needs help, I can-"

"Rey," he cut her off softly. "I'll help him. He won't want you to see him like this."

She knew he was right so she nodded and stood aside to let him go.

Finn spoke to Kylo soothingly as he entered the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. Rey slid down to sit outside the door, ears straining. It killed her to be sitting out here when he needed help, but she trusted Finn.

"You're okay, big guy," Finn said. "Let it out, it's okay."

Kylo gagged loudly and got sick again.

"I'm just gonna get your hair outta here, let me just grab-" She could hear Finn shuffling around for a second. "There you go, vomit hair isn't a good look for anyone. Ask Rey sometime, she knows."

"I'm not a child," Kylo rasped, then coughed, gagging again.

To Finn's credit, he didn't tease him. "Accepting help doesn't make you a child," he told him softly. There was no judgment in his voice, only thinly concealed concern and compassion.

Kylo didn't say anything and the sound of his harsh breathing was loud, even to Rey in the hallway.

"You better now?" Finn said. There was the sound of running water and the clink of glass. "Here, sip some water."

Rey wrapped her arms around her knees, tears wetting her face as she listened to Finn help Kylo get cleaned up, the toilet flushing and faucet running again.

Snoke hadn't shown up today, expecting Kylo to go back with him. He had shown up because he could, because he wanted to scare them and show that he could just waltz in at any time, that he knew where they were. And he'd succeeded.

She didn't know where they could go from this.

The sound of the bathroom door opening sent her scrambling to her feet, swiping at the tears on her face. It was just Finn though and he pulled her to the living room.

"He's just getting cleaned up, he's alright," he told her softly. "But Rey, I know who that was... this situation, it's fucked."

"I know," she muttered, throat tight. "I don't know what to do."

Finn looked at her for a second. "Take things one at a time. And right now, Kylo needs you. I'm going to leave and give you two some space but call me if you need me. And if you guys need a place to stay, my apartment is always open."

"Thank you," she whispered, giving his hand a squeeze.

He left, locking the door behind him.

Rey waited for a second, before going over and knocking softly on the bathroom door.

"Kylo? Can I come in?" she called, suddenly desperate to hear his voice and to wrap her arms around him. She needed him to know that she was here for him, that he wasn't alone and she wouldn't let Snoke take him.

"I'm coming out," he said, sending Rey back a few steps as the door opened.

He was still pale but his eyes were a bit clearer and focused, bright red spots on his cheekbones. She only got a second to look at him before he moved past her, heading into the kitchen.

Opening a drawer, he pulled out several handtowels, dropping to his knees and soaking up the spilled orange juice, carefully avoiding the glass. He wouldn't look at her.

BB padded over, nudging Kylo's knee with his head. He stroked him softly, his head lowered, eyes hidden.

"Talk to me," Rey said softly, hovering at the edge of the kitchen. She didn't want to overwhelm him but seeing him robotically cleaning the mess while avoiding her eyes... alarm bells were going off in her head.

She knew that he had been alone a long time, and have never told anyone about his abuse. It was wrong to expect him to turn to her for comfort in this situation, to expect him to change that quickly, but it still stung a bit.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, still not looking at her.

She bit her lip, afraid of his cold, hollow voice. "Tell me that you're okay. That we aren't going to let him scare us."

He started picking up the larger glass shards, placing them carefully into a towel, and didn't say anything.

"Kylo." She walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, which he shrugged off as he climbed to his feet.

"What? What can I say?" he exploded, throwing the towel of glass into the sink roughly. "You heard him threaten you! All he has to do is throw some money at Plutt to press charges against you! He could say you tried to kill him! I told you- I knew this would happen."

She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts straight. "I don't care about that, he was just trying to scare me. He wants you to be alone and vulnerable with no one to turn to. Plutt has no proof anymore, that was years ago."

Kylo just stared at her.

"What?" she said defensively, crossing her arms.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a brief second. "Rey... you don't understand. If it's not Plutt, Snoke will find something else to use against you. You can't get dragged into this any more than you already have. I'm not going to let you destroy your life over what you think is a noble cause. I'm not worth it."

"You're really that worried about him going to the police? Fine then, we'll go to the cops first. Let's go right now, tell them everything!"

He shook his head slowly. "You know nothing would come out of it. It's been so long now and it's my word against his. The word of a crazy, violent man against a well-liked and known governor. It would be a joke."

He was right and she couldn't deny it. "Then we get proof. We find a way to get him to admit to it. Or I'll break into his house and find evidence! We can-"

"Rey." Kylo talked over her, voice soft but enough to stop her mid-sentence. "There's no we anymore. I won't let you be a part of this."

"What are you saying?" she asked, voice tight.

He spoke slowly. "I'm saying that you need to leave. I don't think we should see each other any more."

Rey just stared at him for a second, waiting for him to laugh it off. But he didn't move, just watched her calmly. In fact, this was the steadiest she'd seem him in a while.

"This isn't funny," she told him. "Please tell me you aren't serious."

Kylo didn't move, didn't say anything.

"You can't let him win," she exclaimed. "If you cut me out and push me away, you're doing what he wants. Are you really going to do this for him?"

"I'm doing it for you," he told her softly, brown eyes sad. "And for me. Knowing that I'm helping you is the only thing I can give myself. We always knew this wouldn't work out anyways, we were doomed from the start. I was an idiot for letting myself want you."

"Stop it!" she demanded, fisting her hands at her sides. "Stop talking like that, like you've accepted this. I know you, I've spent weeks in your arms and it was real. This thing between us, it was real and you know we work together. You're really going to throw it away because Snoke started tossing around threats? Look me in the eyes and tell me you've ever felt this with anyone else."

He glanced away. "You know I can't do that."

"Then why?" she demanded. "Why would you do this?"

Kylo closed his eyes, looking pained. "Because I love you," he whispered.

Rey rocked back a step, like his words landed a physical blow against her chest. He loved her? White hot anger curled in her stomach, sending the butterflies that had erupted in her chest up in flames.

"You don't get to say that, not now," she told him, hands shaking with anger, with adrenaline, with disbelief. "You don't get to tell me that when you're trying to get rid of me. How dare you- how dare you use that as an excuse to end things between us. You don't get to tell me that you- that you- love me, then kick me out of your life."

He just stared at her.

She couldn't think. Too much had happened, too much was happening.

"You should go," Kylo finally said, walking around her slowly to open his apartment door.

Rey had no choice. If he wanted time alone to think, she could give him that. But if he thought that things between them were over now, he was in for a big surprise. He had told her that he loved her and she couldn't let him go.

"I know that you think you're doing something heroic right now," she said, making her way to the door. "But you're wrong. Together is how we're going to defeat Snoke. You can't do it alone, and you shouldn't have to. I'll be waiting for you to decide you deserve help."

She glanced over her shoulder just in time to catch one last glimpse of his face before he closed the door firmly between them.

 _ **Okay so first of all, BIG news about this story and future stories and writing and yay! If you follow me on tumblr, I posted info about it. If not, my username is midnightbluefox**_

 _ **Anyways, thanks so much to everyone for reading! This chapter was another difficult one to write. The helplessness of their situation at this point, of knowing they can't just accuse Snoke of abuse, of each of them wanting to save the other... Ugh, it makes my heart hurt. And as much as I hate to bring Snoke in to interact with Kylo and Rey, it's a necessary evil. I still hate it though.**_

 ** _Finally, as a brief update, my roommate suddenly sprang on me that he wants to move out next month, rather than in a few months. So I have only a few weeks to find a new place to live, which isn't stressful at all. There's a chance my chapters might take a little longer to come out if I'm busy apartment hunting, so please everyone bear with me. Thanks for your continued support as always, you are all amazing._**


	21. Chapter 21

He didn't come.

Rey stayed home all day, waiting for him to show up at her door, to apologize and tell her that he needed her. But he didn't come.

The more she thought about it, the more she sat there, staring at the wall separating them, the angrier she got. It wasn't that she didn't understand what he was doing, because she did. He thought he was being noble, pushing her away for her own good. Like she was some damsel who needed to be told what was good for her.

The part that hurt was that he obviously thought she would just move on, that she would give up the second he decided to push her away for her own good. She thought that he knew her better than that, her resilience and her stubbornness. That she cared about him too much to just walk away.

Then again, she hadn't said it back.

It ate away at her all day. The way that he had closed his eyes before admitting that he loved her, the quiet relief in his voice, like it had been a weight on his chest that he had finally gotten off. How he had just stared at her after, probably waiting for her to say it back.

And she hadn't.

She had never told someone that she loved them, not romantically. Those words meant something. Commitment, expectations, a future together. All things that her time in the foster system had taught her not to count on. They were things she hadn't really let herself think about having.

Rey knew that she felt more strongly about Kylo than she ever had with someone before. He understood her so well, sometimes it felt like he could see into her soul. And he found all the light parts and made them shine a little brighter. He made her better and she tried to do the same for him. When they met, she could see the conflict in him, the light in his soul against the darkness of his past. She tried to help him nurture that light, so that he could be happy and free. She wanted that for him more than anything.

But was that love? How was she supposed to know? Maybe this feeling wore off in a few weeks. Maybe it was just infatuation. Was there some sort of general rule for how you can tell if you're in love?

She worried about it all day, old insecurities blooming back to life. When she had been young, the agent taking her to her new family would always smile and tell her not to be nervous, her new family would love her. And again and again, they would mistreat or disregard her. Eventually, as a child, she had just decided that she was some broken, unlovable thing.

BB came and crawled into her lap, curling up into a warm orange ball. He stared at her knowingly, sensing her distress and trying to offer her comfort. For some reason, it brought tears to her eyes, his gentle sweetness and desire to comfort her.

She hadn't cried all day. Anger and frustration had burned more brightly than anything else and she refused to shed a single tear because of Snoke's actions and what he had brought about.

Unable to stand sitting around and waiting anymore, Rey went to bed early. So much had happened today, and was still happening. She tried to not let it sink in, that Kylo hadn't come. But laying there in the dark, ears straining for any sound from his apartment, a little voice in her whispered that maybe he'd wanted to break up with her for a while. Maybe this had been too good of an opportunity to ignore. Maybe he didn't love her.

She knew, she _knew_ it wasn't true.

But there, in the dark, she couldn't seem to quiet that little voice.

...

In the morning, she woke up a few minutes before her alarm was supposed to go off. She couldn't recall when she had finally fallen asleep last night but Kylo hadn't woken her up. She hadn't heard a sound from his apartment all night.

Staring at the wall, worry set in. Perhaps he just hadn't gone to sleep at all, knowing that his nightmares would be worse than ever. But... a scary thought crossed her mind before she could stop it. What if he had left? Packed up his things and just vanished in the night? Or worse yet, what if he had hurt himself?

She shook her head, trying to banish such dark thoughts. Pacing around her bedroom, she kept glancing at the key on her nightstand. The key to Kylo's apartment. No, she couldn't. Even now, she couldn't invade his space, not unless she knew something was wrong.

Finally, she snatched up her phone from the nightstand, calling Finn.

"Yeah?" He answered, sounding sleepy, like she'd woken him up.

"I need you to do me a favor," she blurted, feeling a trickle of panic wiggling its way into her chest. She sat down on the floor firmly, breathing deep. There was no need to worry, she was probably just overreacting.

Finn sounded more alert now, probably picking up on the anxiety in her voice. "Of course, what's up?"

"I need you to call Kylo for me."

Silence for a second. "What do you mean? Why can't you call him yourself? Or just walk over to his apartment?"

Rey sighed heavily, leaning her head back against the wall, phone pressed to her ear. "We had a- well, no, he kind of broke up with me."

"He what?!" Finn sounded really awake now.

"I don't have time to explain," she said before he could start ranting. "I just need you to call him and make sure he's okay. He might not answer the phone if it's me. Just act like you don't know what's going on, tell him you wanted to meet up for coffee and talk or something."

He grumbled for a second. "What's the point of this? Am I trying to actually take him out?"

Rey resisted the urge to scream. "No. I just need to know if he's okay. Please, Finn. Just see if he answers."

She could tell that he was holding back a hundred questions. But he just huffed out that he would call her back in a minute and hung up.

Jiggling her leg, she closed her eyes and tried to breathe, to calm down her thoughts that were racing out of control. She was sure he was fine, she was overreacting and probably acting like a crazy person. Finn probably thought she'd finally lost it.

But she still leaned over and swiped the key from off her table, gripping it so tightly that the jagged edges cut into her palm. If he didn't answer, she would go over. She'd knock first but if he didn't come to the door, she was letting herself in. She had to make sure.

A minute later, her phone vibrated in her hand.

"Did he answer?" she asked, almost before the phone was up to her face.

"Yes, he answered," Finn responded. "I invited him for coffee this morning and had to lie my ass off when he asked if you put me up to it. I just said I hadn't spoken to you yet today and he said I might want to before inviting him out."

Relief sent her slumping against the wall. He was okay and it didn't sound like he had left.

Her hand opened, an outline of the key pressed into her flesh.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"Uh huh," he said, and she could tell he had more to say. Sure enough, a second later he continued. "He sounded rough. Rey, what happened? That guy is madly in love with you, he would never break up with you. Not if he had half a brain in his head."

She flushed as the memory of him closing his eyes and telling her that he loved her flashed through her mind.

"He thinks he's protecting me. He seems to think Snoke is going to destroy my life if I don't walk away now, so he made that decision for me."

Finn sighed in a burst of static. "Not to be pessimistic, but doesn't he realize that Snoke already saw you? If he wants to target you, it's a little late for Kylo to try and do some damage control."

"You think I don't realize that," she said dryly. "He hasn't just seen me, he knows who I am and where I work. He threatened to go and dig up my past with Plutt."

"Fucking hell," Finn muttered tightly. "You're in way over your head. Maybe you should listen to Kylo and just walk away. Come stay with me."

Rey instantly bristled. "I hope you're fucking kidding. You know I would never just leave him, not now and not because some sick, wrinkled fuck thinks he can scare me away."

"Calm down, I just had to throw it out there." His voice was soothing but underneath, she could hear his concern. He was trying to hold it together for her though.

"Kylo isn't thinking straight anyways," she told him, anger fading away to tiredness. "He's in panic mode and trying to do what he can. If he let himself think about it, he'd probably realize it's too late to protect me from Snoke if he really wants to take me out. But he's just desperate to do something and for him, all he can do right now is try to help me."

"Chivalrous idiot," Finn grumbled, pulling a quiet laugh from her.

She adjusted the grip on her phone. "Yeah, but he's my chivalrous idiot."

They fell into a minute of contemplative silence.

"So what are you going to do?" he finally asked gently.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "My plan right now is going to work and trying to figure everything out."

He hummed thoughtfully. "Not much of a plan."

"Thanks for pointing that out." But it was all she had right now. She couldn't spend another day in this apartment, dwelling on everything and convincing herself that Kylo actually didn't want to be with her.

He sighed. "Well, you know I'm here if you need anything. Poe too."

Rey smiled softly. "I know. Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe."

She hung up, letting out a breath that felt like it took all of her strength with it. First thing, she needed to get ready for work. She couldn't afford to miss another day and maybe getting back into the motions of working would help her dispell some of this nervous energy and clear her mind. To be honest, now that she had imagined the worst, Kylo having hurt himself or left, this situation didn't seem so bad.

The problem was going to be convincing Kylo to let her help him. Though she felt strange and uncertain about potentially loving him, it didn't change the fact that she did care for him. She couldn't leave him to face Snoke alone, especially when he might think he had nothing left to lose.

Rey dragged herself to the shower, resting her head against the wall as hot water scalded her skin. This situation was so messed up. Was she supposed to go confront Kylo and make him understand? Did she wait for him to come to her? The thought of waiting, another day like yesterday, made her stomach twist. It wasn't in her to sit around and wait for someone else to make a decision.

Then what? Did she go behind Kylo's back and get his mother involved?

She sighed, turning the shower off and wrapping a towel around herself. That felt like a betrayal, especially since he had just agreed to reach out to her himself.

As she got dressed, she tried to organize her thoughts. Eventually, it came down to her main concerns; Kylo leaving to try and run from Snoke or Kylo just giving up. He wasn't going to wait around for Snoke to toy with him and make his life hell and Rey knew that she hadn't convinced him that justice was possible. Those seemed like the two most likely outcomes. Although, now that Kylo had managed to find some happiness in his life after his childhood, she didn't think he would ever give up and go back, no matter how badly Snoke shook him yesterday.

Rey thought of that night weeks ago, when Kylo had told her that he thought this was the happiest he'd been in a while. The surprised little smile he had given her, the soft light in his brown eyes.

Her throat tightened and she had to pause for a second to swallow the lump down, head bowed.

She couldn't let anything happen to him.

...

Rey went about her work day with a quiet determination. She had no plan, just a fierce sense that she would do whatever she needed to make sure nothing happened to Kylo.

Poe hadn't said anything when she came in, just gave her a firm hug and his usual warm smile. Finn had called out for her yesterday morning and she did no idea how much he had told him, but she didn't ask.

Then, in the early afternoon, Governor Snoke walked through the cafe door.

Disbelief crashed over Rey, freezing her in place. How dare he show his face at her work, strolling in her casually without a care in the world. His arrogance was staggering.

Though she could feel anger and fear creating a storm inside her chest, she calmly walked over to him, hands hanging loosely at her sides. She stopped a few feet away from him, her body rebelling at the thought of getting any closer. He watched her come, a small, smug smile stretched across his face.

"Leave right now," she told him quietly, not wanting to make a scene. Poe was chatting with a couple at the counter, oblivious to who had just walked through his door. Though Finn might not have told him the specifics anyways.

Snoke chuckled, like her anger amused him. "I was hoping you would sit down and talk with me."

Rey nearly choked. "Are you fucking delusional?" she hissed. "Leave before I call the cops."

His eyes went flat and cold. "And tell them what, you stupid girl. You still don't seem to realize that I'm in control here. I make one phone call and I can get your friend's cafe closed forever. I can make sure he never serves another coffee in this city, that he can't get a job that doesn't involve cleaning up messes or mopping floors."

She was nearly vibrating with rage. "What do you want?" she bit out between clenched teeth.

He gestured to an empty table near the window. "As I said, just to talk."

As if she had a choice. Rey pulled out her chair slowly as Snoke sat down across for her, fighting the overwhelming urge to hurl the chair at his head. She hated him so much that she could hardly stop herself.

Governor Snoke settled back into his seat comfortably, no doubt sensing her anger and discomfort and feeding off of it.

"Now then," he said, like they were just going to make small talk. "I'm prepared to offer you one hundred thousand dollars to give up on this relationship you think you have with Ben Solo."

Rey struggled to keep a straight face. One hundred thousand dollars... that was all he thought Kylo was worth to her? That amount of money was probably pocket change to him. Maybe she should take the money and use it to hire someone to murder him in his sleep.

The fact that he was here bribing her right now though meant that he made him nervous. She was a threat to him or he wouldn't bother. The thought empowered her.

"I understand," he continued. "You think that you and Ben have a connection. Both unwanted and abandoned by your family. Unloved until you found each other." The look on his face told her just how absurd he found the idea. "But what you fail to understand is that he will never need someone other than me. You didn't see him as a child... sad and lonely, so desperate for love and attention. The way he looked at me, I knew that he needed me."

Bile rose in Rey's face. She didn't want to hear this. She couldn't listen to him say these things, justifying all that he did to Kylo, to an innocent child.

"Shut your fucking mouth," she told him, not caring if he threatened her again.

He laughed softly, like she was funny. "You're angry because you don't want to see the truth of him. You're going to turn down the money and try to fight for him because you think you love him. And in the end, he'll come back to me because it's where he belongs. It's where he wants to be. I know his heart and his soul, I've seen what's inside of him."

Listening to him say this... Rey suddenly wasn't afraid anymore. Realization struck her like a thunderbolt. He was right. She was going to fight for him, no matter what the cost, no matter how much Kylo tried to push her away... because she loved him.

She laughed, interrupting Snoke, who looked surprised.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just-" She laughed again. She'd been worrying so much about what love meant and how to figure out if she loved Kylo. Using her head instead of her heart. Listening to Snoke say these things and realizing that she would do anything for Kylo, that she had been prepared to do anything for a while... of course she loved him. She was such an idiot.

This was what it meant to love someone. To stare potential ruin in the face and feel calm and unafraid because you were helping the person you cared about. To put them before you. To fight with everything you have to give them the best life you can, the life and happiness they deserve. She would throw away everything for him, hand it over willingly to Snoke if that's what it took. But she wouldn't leave Kylo, wouldn't give up on him like everyone else.

"Get out," she said calmly, staring Snoke straight in his cold blue eyes. "We're done here."

Though he tried to hide it, she could see the confusion on his face. He had come here, so confident that he could intimidate and scare her away. But in the end, he had helped her. It was ironic really.

She stood up and braced her hands on the table, leaning closer.

"I think you're the one who doesn't understand. Kylo and I are going to ruin you, you disgusting fuck. You destroyed his life and nearly took everything from him. And now, we're going to do the same to you. Everything you care about, your title, your big fancy fucking mansion, the respect of your peers; you're going to lose it all. And in the end, after we're done, Kylo and I are going to walk away and never think about you again."

She grinned at him, feeling the crazy edge to it and not caring.

"You're going to wish you had left us alone. You underestimate Kylo, and you clearly underestimate me. I promise you, you're going to regret it."

Without another word, she turned around and walked over to the counter where Poe was still chatting with the couple from earlier. Had only a few minutes really gone by? Every second spent in the presence of that man felt like an eternity.

"Poe," she interrupted, giving the couple an apologetic look. "I need to leave."

Surprise and concern crossed his face. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just really important." Rey glanced over her shoulder at the table but Governor Snoke had vanished. "I'm sorry but I have to go."

Poe waved a hand, unconcerned. "I can call Rose and see if she can come help for a bit. Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "Thank you."

Racing to the back room, she snatched up her purse and jacket. She had no idea what she was going to say but she had to go see Kylo. She had to tell him what he meant to her, to make him understand that she wouldn't leave him. Not like everyone else.

As she headed out the front door and down the street, no sign of Snoke anywhere, she felt a renewed sense of purpose. She'd been caught up in the moment when she said those things, wanting to make him nervous and uncertain. But it didn't change the fact that she was more determined than ever to find a way to free Kylo from Snoke's hold.

And her and Kylo would find a way together.

 _ **Protective, determined Rey is coming out to fight! I know this chapter was a little shorter than usual so I apologize, the next chapter should be back to my normal length. I wanted to give Rey a chapter where she gets her head on straight and figures things out before we dive back into the actual plot.**_

 _ **And, I've started a writing Discord group with a bunch of other Reylo writers. If you're interested in joining, message me and I'll send you an invite! It's a very chill and supportive group full of amazing people and anyone is welcome to join.**_

 _ **As always, thank you for reading and for your support!**_


	22. Chapter 22

Rey had to stand out on the landing and knock on Kylo's door for a solid three minutes before she finally heard movement inside his apartment. One of the other tenants had opened their door to give her a dirty look, but she just ignoring them until they went away, their door slamming loudly behind her.

"Kylo, I can hear you, I know you're home," she called through the door. "Please, just let me talk to you."

The door opened slowly and she hadn't realized how badly she wanted to see his face until all that was in her way was a piece of wood.

She could feel his reluctance as he opened it, just enough for him to stand in the doorway. He looked normal, except for the dark circles under his eyes, but she should have expected that.

Standing here, she wanted so badly to embrace him, to be held by him. It took everything in her to not take those two steps forward and wrap her arms around him. To soak in his warmth and stability he always offered her.

And she could see that he felt it too, the urge, the need. His hand tightened around the edge of the door, knuckles white.

"You're not going to make this any easier if you-" he started, voice just a touch raspy.

"Snoke came to the cafe today," she interrupted.

Kylo's face paled, eyes darting over her like he was looking for some evidence that she had been hurt or marked by him. After a second, a flash of relief crossed his face and he stepped aside to let her in, realizing this wasn't a conversation for the hallway.

Rey only took a few steps inside before turning to face him, a million things she wanted to say rising in her throat. She struggled to push them all down, to keep her thoughts clear. She wanted to embrace him, to kick him, to kiss him and hold him.

"What did he want?" he asked. She could see it in his face, that he was desperately clinging to the last remnants of calm inside of him. That he was so close to breaking.

"To threaten and bribe me," she replied. "No surprise there."

Kylo looked at her expectantly. "And? Did you tell him that we are done? That you aren't seeing each me anymore?"

"No, I didn't," Rey admitted, the rest of the words following before she could stop them. "I told him that I was going to ruin him and he was going to regret the day he decided to underestimate us."

He just stared at her, like he was waiting for the punchline. Like he couldn't comprehend the words coming out of her mouth.

"Why- why would you do that?" he finally asked.

Rey knew she had to be careful and smart about what she said, about how she spoke to him right now. But his stubbornness, his refusal to understand where she was coming from was driving her insane.

"Because it's the truth," she said. "You obviously didn't think this through, your self-sacrificing plan to protect me from Snoke. He knows who I am, where I work and live. If he wants to get me thrown in jail or hire someone to murder me, dumping me isn't going to do a thing to change that."

Kylo's face crumpled, and she saw that he knew she was right. He knew but he didn't have it in him to not try to help her.

"I knew that when I chose to help you," Rey told him. "It was my choice and I knew the consequences. And I'm ready to do something about him, to help you. You don't have to be alone in this, no matter how much you think you deserve to be."

He shook his head slowly, ebony locks falling in his face. "You don't understand, this isn't about me. He's going to come back and I can't have you caught in the crossfire. I won't let it happen."

Stubborn idiot.

"You listen to me, Kylo Ren," she growled, closing the few steps between them and jabbing a finger at him. "You don't get to tell me what to do. You chose to be in a relationship with me, you chose to hope that this could become something. And it did! And all those weeks ago, you told me that I was worth trying for. You can't change your mind now."

"I can change my mind if I want to," he shot back, sounding like a petulant child.

Rey wanted to kick him in the stubborn tilt of his jaw. "No, you don't. Not when you don't mean it, not when it's just because of some stupid plan of yours. I won't let you throw this away because you think you know best and you're afraid!"

"I'm trying to help you," he growled back, his own frustration coming through. "Why are you so determined to put yourself in danger?"

"Because it's where you are!" She exclaimed, sounding borderline hysterical. "We are supposed to figure this out together, that's what being in a relationship means! I won't abandon you and if you keep pushing me away, I will continue to fight Snoke on my own! Is that what you want?"

He looked horrified at the thought. "Of course not! I want you gone, I want you as far away from this as you can get."

"Well too fucking bad," she spat out. "Maybe you should have thought about this before you decided to spend the last few weeks with me! Did you really think I'd just walk away from you and go about my life?"

"If you were smart, you would!"

Rey let out a laugh of disbelief. "Well, I guess I'm a goddamn idiot then because I'm not going anywhere. If you'd pull your head out of your ass, you'd realize I'm making sense."

She advanced until they were only inches away. "Did you hear me? I'm not going anywhere. Just accept it so we can move on and attack the real issue at hand."

Kylo let out a noise of pure frustration, hands fisted at his sides. They were in each other's faces, nearly yelling, and Rey was grinding her teeth so hard that her jaw ached.

"Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?" He yelled, looking like he wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her. That made two of them.

"Because I fucking love you!" She shrieked right in his face.

He sucked in a sharp breath, stumbling back like she had hit him.

Just like that, all of the anger was sucked out of the room, leaving behind silence and a strange feeling of expectation, like they were teetering on the edge of something.

Rey hadn't realized she was crying until she tasted salt.

"I love you, you big idiot," she sniffled, brushing tears off of her cheeks. "And we're going to do this together. You don't get to make this decision for me, not matter how much you want to protect me. It's my choice and I chose to be with you, no matter what."

It was hard but she refused to look away as he took two hesitant steps towards her. His brown eyes were shining with emotion, the look on his face indescribable.

"You love me?" He asked hoarsely, stopping just a few inches away from her.

This wasn't how she had planned on telling him, angry and in the heat of the moment. But it was too late, she could only forge ahead.

"Of course I do." Lifting her chin to look him in the eyes, she gave him a small, wobbly smile. "How could you doubt that after all of this?"

Kylo just reached out and cupped her face in his hands, thumbs brushing away lingering tears.

"You give me too much," he whispered. "I don't deserve you."

Before she could respond, he leaned down and kissed her gently, soft lips caressing her own. His hands trembled against her face as she lifted up on her tiptoes, deepening the kiss.

It was the most tender kiss he had ever given her and he tasted of sorrow and hope, of unspoken dreams that he'd never allowed himself to consider possible.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips. "I love you."

He repeated it a dozen times, pressing tiny kisses across her mouth with each declaration. Rey couldn't remember ever feeling like this, a heady mixture of giddiness, contentment, and love. She would die for this man and give anything to live with him.

She pulled her face away reluctantly. "Does this mean you aren't dumping me?"

Kylo sighed heavily, leaning his forehead against hers. "I don't see what good it would do now. You're obviously too crazy and stubborn to listen to me. I can't let you go after Snoke on your own."

Rey was grinning so big that her face hurt. "And now you're stuck with me."

His face went solemn. "I could never ask you to do this with me, Rey. Snoke… he's serious."

She reached out and twined his fingers with her. "You don't have to ask. We're in this together now. You and me, the whole time. Promise me."

The look he gave her was one of reverence, like she was the most precious thing he'd ever find. Like he had never dared to hope that someone would care about him enough to stand by his side.

"I promise," he swore, bringing their clasped hands up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

Rey's heart soared at the words, knowing he meant it.

Kylo pulled her against him, arms tight, and let out a shuddering breath into her hair.

"I just want- I need to be close to you right now," he whispered. "Can I-"

She nodded against him. "Anything."

Leaning down, he picked her up gently and carried her into the bedroom, tucked against his chest. Without needing to say anything, they both stripped down and crawled into bed together, Kylo positioning himself above her.

Even after all they'd been through, the way he gazed down at her made Rey blush.

"You're so beautiful," he told her softly, lips grazing the side of her neck.

He pressed light kisses along her jaw and the column of her throat, the delicate brush of his lips against her skin sending spirals of heat along her body.

Kylo continued down, lips tasting every inch of her collarbone, between her breasts. She bit her lip as his warm breath ghosted across her nipple but he just kept moving, kissing the ticklish skin over her ribs. When he made his way down her stomach and to her hips, he just nipped gently at her hipbone then continued down the length of her leg.

By the time his mouth got back up to her thighs, Rey was shivering, her breathing a little heavy. Then, he did the same to the other leg. All the way to her ankle, something she never realized could turn her on. But the sight of him, kneeling naked before her, teeth grazing the delicate bone of her ankle… Fuck, she was on fire.

"Kylo," she pleaded, shaking with need. "Kiss me."

She wanted his mouth on hers more than she'd ever wanted anything. His lips were red and just slightly swollen, begging to be kissed.

"I am kissing you," he replied, but slid back up until his face hovered over her chest. He gave her a heated look, eyes nearly sparking in the dimly lit room.

"Kiss you here?" he murmured, lips just barely brushing against her nipple. A moan ripped its way from her before she could stop it.

He shifted, mouth sealing over her other nipple for the briefest second, hot and wet.

"Or here?" he asked, and she could feel his grin against her skin.

Her mind struggled to catch up. "Yes," she finally gasped out, and he chuckled.

Kylo apparently decided to take pity on her though, finally touching her. His right hand came up to roll her nipple gently, his tongue licking her other one with flat, rasping strokes that she felt down to her core.

Rey cried out, hips bucking against him. For a moment, his bare cock pressed against her wetness and god, she wanted him inside of her so bad.

He glanced up, eyes meeting hers, and she could see that he wanted it too.

"I need you," she whispered. "Now."

Kylo debated for a second. He obviously had a plan to tease her, to drag this out for a while. But Rey just needed him inside of her, just needed to be close to him. She had almost lost him to his own stubbornness and she needed to know he was real and he was hers.

He pulled himself back up, arms braced on either side of her head, caging her in. Then, with a slow, deliberate move, he was inside of her.

"Fuck," he gasped, trembling against her. His forehead came down to rest on her shoulder as he pressed all the way inside of her, his cock filling her completely.

Rey couldn't believe that she had almost lost him, lost this. This connection, the bliss of being together like this, the undeniable perfection of it… she had almost lost it.

Her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands clutched at his arms, biceps firm under her grasp, as she pulled him down. His cock stretched her perfectly as he pulled out and pushed back him, rubbing every part of her just right.

"Don't ever leave me again," she whispered, urging him closer, his thrusts deeper.

Kylo lifted his head and kissed her tenderly, slowing his movements. His tongue swiped at her lips, slick and hot in her mouth as he tasted every inch. She could only moan and hold on to him, kissing him back with everything she had. It was always so raw and unrestrained between them and she loved it.

"Never," he replied, pulling away a few inches. "Never."

He sat up, pulling her with him to settle on top of him. Rey moaned as this angle hit something deep inside of her, that delicious place that made her thighs shake and her stomach tighten.

She rocked up and down on him as he guided her with his hands on his hips, thrusting up as she slid down. The look on his face as he watched her ride him was indescribable, his lips parted, eyes glazed over.

His hands cupped her breasts gently, thumbing brushing her sensitive nipples in time with her thrusts and Rey could feel wetness running down her thighs and sticking to their skin.

"Kylo, I'm close." Rey could feel the coil tightening in her stomach, the liquid heat rushing under her skin. Her breath caught in her chest as one of his hands dipped down and rubbed her clit purposefully, his thick fingers knowing just how to touch her.

"I've got you," he breathed. "Come for me."

She orgasmed seconds later, pulsing and trembling on top of him as the tension in her stomach exploded in a wave of pleasure. He moaned as she tightened around him, at the wet heat that surrounded him and left her breathless.

Kylo followed her a minute later, hips stuttering and her name leaving his lips.

"I love you," he gasped out, cock swelling inside of her. "I fucking love you."

He twitched, moaning her name as he came in hot pulses that filled her to the brim. Rey could feel the liquid heat of it slipping down her thighs, painting streaks on her skin.

"I love you too," she whispered into his shoulder.

…

A while later, they laid in bed naked together, Rey comfortably tucked against Kylo's side, her head on his shoulder.

He had told her he loved her then showed her with his body and with his touch. Hearing Kylo gasp her name and that he loved her as he came inside of her was something that she never wanted to forget.

"I never thought I'd have this," he admitted, running a finger up and down the length of her arm softly. It was borderline ticklish but she was too sleepy to move and too happy with the contact to ask him to stop.

"What? Amazing sex?" She asked teasingly, then winced when she realized how insensitive and awful that sounded.

But he just chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest.

"I mean this. You. Someone to care about. A future to look forward to."

She knew what he meant. It was overwhelming to think about, that you found someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. Even more overwhelming when you truly expected to be alone forever.

Kylo sighed softly. "When I'd lie awake at night and try to make a plan for the future, all I could see was darkness. I was struggling to make it, one day at a time. I knew I could never go home, never have a relationship with my mother. I had no friends or anyone to confide in."

She had seen it in him, that night he opened the door. A bleak sort of hopelessness that shadowed his eyes.

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head before continuing. "And then you came along… some nosy girl poking around in my business. Glad to see that hasn't changed."

"Hey!" Rey exclaimed, whacking him on the arm. But she was laughing and could feel him doing the same.

"I mean it," he said, grabbing the hand she had whacked him with and pressing a kiss to it. "I'm glad you knocked on my door that night. You surprised me, beauty and boldness in one nosy little package."

She grinned, the whole thing seeming so silly now. "I was surprised at how massive you are."

He rolled them over so they were facing each other. A huge grin was spread across his face, brown eyes filled with a playful gleam.

"Really? That's all you have to say?"

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Well, I wasn't expecting a giant to answer the door."

Kylo just gave her a look and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, fine. I might have thought you were good looking. Possibly ridiculously attractive, but don't let it go to your head."

"Too late," he teased.

Rey thought back to that night, remembering when he'd opened the door.

"I thought you were beautiful but sad," she said softly, lost in the memory. "Looking at you, I could tell that there was an emptiness in your life, like something was missing."

Kylo was quiet for a long second. "I think it was you," he said softly.

Rey had never believed in true love or soul mates or anything like that. People only believed in it once they had someone who made them think it was real. But Kylo saying that, and everything that had happened between them and led to this point, it was hard to not think fate had brought them together in some way.

Two broken things made whole when put together.

"I think I was waiting for you too," she admitted, feeling strangely overwhelmed by her thoughts. But, even back then, when they were first getting to know each other, something about him called to her.

He watched her think, his own expression thoughtful. Then, abruptly, he laughed.

"What?" Rey demanded as he laughed harder, chest heaving.

Kylo shook his head. "Nothing it's just… it's funny to think that I'm here in bed with you now. Like, that we're together. I would have never thought this would happen."

She smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. At least she hadn't been trying to convince him not to date her through a good portion of their relationship. Looking at it now, she realized Kylo was a bit of a drama queen and the thought made her giggle.

They laid around in bed for a while, snuggling and talking about first impressions and secret thoughts. But they couldn't ignore the real world forever, not matter how much Rey wished they never had to leave this bed.

"Kylo," she sighed, getting his attention. He'd been curled on his side, tracing freckles across her body for the last ten minutes.

"Hmmm?"

She hated to bring it up but she had to. "You know you need to go see your mom tomorrow, right?"

His hand stilled against her skin and she felt him exhale roughly.

"I know," he muttered quietly. "I already called her last night, she's expecting me there in the morning. I didn't tell her why I was coming though."

Rey could hear the anxiety in his voice, his struggle to remain calm. "Do you want me to come with you?" she asked.

Kylo hesitated. "I wouldn't want to make you-"

She interrupted before he could get going on a rant. "Kylo… do you want me there?"

"Please," he whispered, kissing her shoulder.

"Then I'll come," she told him, not caring about missing another day of work or the fact that bills would be especially painful this month.

Kylo needed her and that was all that mattered.

 _ **Thanks to everyone for reading, as always! I won't apologize for all of the fluff in this chapter but I will tell you that it was emotional to write. I posted my first Kylo PoV scene and if you wanna read it, just check out my tumblr, I have info for it there! Thanks everyone!**_


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